Hello, My name is Matt and I suffer from anxiety and depression. I didn’t always suffer from these in fact, it all started almost a year ago. It all began with work and the stress it gave me. One day I was driving to work and I felt my whole body go numb and I thought I was dying. I called 911 for the first time in my life and they checked me out and everything was fine. I began taking different test with my heart and brain and everything checked out and I was told I had anxiety. I was told to take lexapro by my provider and naturally I didn’t because I didn’t like the idea of taking medication like that. I continued to have attacks and was convinced to take the medication. I had been taking the medication for a couple of weeks and I got news that my moms cancer had spread to her brain and she would require surgery and that destroyed me especially since I had already lost my dad and my mom was all I had. The day of her surgery I was in a state of panic and worry and I made a horrible decision by taking an edible to calm myself and I don’t really partake in things like that but I was desperate. Everything was fine until I went to bed and I got a visual image of the most horrifying this imaginable and it sent me into a full blown panic. I was eventually able to go to sleep and thought that I would be back to normal when I woke up but unfortunately that was not the case. I was in a state of fight or flight and things just went down hill from there. I started fearing everything and getting intrusive thoughts and so many other horrifying symptoms. I did the right thing and seeked help but it was a long journey ahead of me. I made a lot of progress and built myself back up but then some things happen that made me relapse and I had to start all over again. I got to a place of “normalcy” and thought that everything was going to be better and then I lost my mom. I now have no idea what’s wrong with me or how to be better and my psychiatrist just wants to feed me pills that don’t help me and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I think I’m severely depressed cause the symptoms match but I just feel that if I don’t get this under control that I might get to a point where I just want to give up.
Lost and Confused : Hello, My name is... - Anxiety and Depre...
Lost and Confused
Hi Coolwhip I’m here listening.
I’m so sorry about your losses. I lost my mom the beginning of this year.
I can identify with feeling desperate to get to calm and I’ve also made mistakes but we will heal and hopefully find ourselves in a good place often.
Thank you! I’m sorry for your loss. I also lost my mom at the beginning of this year. I hope that you’re able to heal and find peace.
Thank you! I do feel a great sense of peace regarding my mom i feel like she is in a good place and also still with me in a sense. I sometimes talk to her and had a good dream about her.
I feel the same. It still hurts that she isn’t here but it helps knowing she is in a better place and she doesn’t have to suffer anymore.
I’m no expert and please this is only an idea but it sounds like you are in deep mourning over the loss of your parents. This is totally normal but seems a lot worse due to your anxiety and depression.
I was kind of thinking the same thing. It’s all new to me so I have a hard time knowing what is what. Thank you for your reply I really needed that realization. Sometimes it takes someone from the outside looking in to give you insight on what’s going on so thank you for taking the time to reach out.
Matt, that’s the wonderful thing about this site. We are all here because we have or had mental health issues.
Stay strong my friend
I’m glad I found it cause before this I was alone and didn’t have anyone that could relate to what I’m going through.
If you feel like you’re having a bad day just reach out and someone generally respond
I will definitely do that and I’m here to help in any way that I can. I have a lot of life experience and I’ve always been the type of person that ppl come to for help.
We are similar to each other. I am also the one who helps everyone else whenever I can. I have joined here because I had no one to help me.
That’s good to hear. Hopefully we can help ppl here find peace and work through their pain.
CoolWhip, my sincere condolences on the recent passing of your mom.
You are not alone but with a group of caring supportive virtual friends.
I'm glad you are here with us 
xx
Hi Coolwhip. Very sorry to learn of your Mom's passing and send my sincere condolences. It is not surprising that you developed anxiety and depression which usually follows prolonged stress and the symptoms you describe are very typical. The symptoms are bewildering if you you have no previous experience and isnt long before your fear them, creating a vicious cycle.
I have been through the same experience that you are going through although the circumstances behind my anxiety were different but the toll it took on my mind and body was the same.
My recovery is well documented on this forum and all down to the teachings of Dr Claire Weekes and her pioneering self help books. I bought Essential Help for Your Nerves. The title may differ in other countries beyond the UK.
Feel free to read some of my posts on here which you might find helpful which explain how to break that cycle, cope with the symptoms and recover in full. I gave up the medication early on.
Here to help and pass on my own experience of my journey to recovery.
Best wishes!
Thank you and I’ll definitely check it out. My whole life I’ve experienced a lot of stress and I guess it just got so bad my body could no longer handle it. I was told I suffered from acute stress disorder. I’m so happy that you have recovered and you’re sharing that with so many ppl that need it and need to know that it is possible. I wish I was able to kick the medication early on but I’ve been on it for almost a year and I was scared of what would happen if I didn’t take it. I just wish I knew what to do and I feel like I have one foot in and one out. I don’t want to take the medication but idk how else to heal myself and my psychiatrist wants me to try other medication with my lexapro and idk what to do cause I want to be better but I don’t want to be dependent on medication or have that medication make me worse.
I felt the same way, not wanting to be dependent on medication and stopped everything around the time I discovered Dr Weekes. I think there is a place for them, if only to reduce symptoms but to properly overcome anxiety and depression, sufferers need to make friends with the symptoms instead of trying to get rid of them. This is also known as acceptance and, coupled with knowledge and understanding of the anxiety disorder, you literally step out of your own way, let the symptoms be there with zero resistance which creates the time and space for sensitised nerves to heal. It is this sensitisation that causes the symptoms, plus the fear you add to the equation. Takes a bit of practice to genuinely be ok about not being ok but you will get there.
If your situation was anything like mine, I forgot about the reason why I became anxious 24/7 [to be honest, I really didn't know at the time because I was feeling so frightened and anxious] and my biggest problem became the symptoms I was desperately trying to get rid of. I was stressed about being stressed!
All of the above is covered in the book I bought and the complete A to Z for any disorder where fear is the driver, which is any type of phobia, GAD, OCD etc.
For most anxiety sufferers it is a fear of the feelings of fear and so the cycle goes round and round. Knowledge and Acceptance breaks that cycle and recovery is just a matter of time.
Go easy on yourself and learn to accept all those scary thoughts and feelings instead of doing battle with them. They won't be there when you recover so don't give them the respect they crave to survive and let them go.
Hope this helps!
It helps a great deal and thank you for sharing that information. I feel like I’ve gotten use to the feelings and symptoms of anxiety but now I think I’m dealing with the symptoms of depression which is a whole other beast. I just feel empty and have no motivation and the things that use to bring me joy don’t anymore and I feel desensitized with everything. I also used to be very money conscious and responsible and lately I feel like I’ve been excessively spending money to fill a void and sure it helps for a little bit having something new but it’s only causing me more problems cause eventually that “high” goes away.
Depression is another symptom of anxiety and comes to the fore because sufferers have thrashed themselves so much stressing about being stressed, their emotional reserves are completely drained. There is only so much the brain can take before it switches into safety mode. When at school studying, you might have experienced brain drain due to studying so hard for long periods of time. The brain stops absorbing information. Depression is just a more severe form of that. Dr Weekes refers to depression as depletion because it is a more accurate description of what is actually happening. Levels of resilience are zero, much the same as a drained battery. As such, the way to recover from anxiety is exactly the same by accepting those feelings.
With regard to spending habits, my advice is to avoid doing things to stop feeling anxious. I don't mean stopping doing exercise, going to work or socialising, it's more about deliberately doing things to avoid feeling anxious. You can't recover unless you are prepared to feel the symptoms and do nothing about them. Like I say, it's all about having an attitude of being ok about not being ok. What will be, will be, while continuing with your day. Anxiety thrives on avoidance.
That actually makes so much sense! Thank you so much for taking the time to explain all this to me you have no idea how much that helps.
You have gone from panicking over your Mum's illness, to grieving because you have lost the person you relied on and cared for,
Don't feel bad about grief, we all go through it at some time. I have had to cope with many passings over the last 32 years, starting with my husband.
I'm an old and tough bird nowadays, and it irks me that now I am dependent on my son for care, being disabled is a PITA.
Treat yourself gently; you have been through a lot. Take the meds; yes they are a crutch, but use them until you feel better about yourself and the grief passes. It may take time, no two people grieve in the same way, and don't listen to folk who tell you to 'get over it!' It doesn't work that way.
Cheers, Midori.
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