I can't deal with mom

[Against_the_current]

She drank and spoiled her drink and was trying to wipe it but having hard time and like a pig in its own misery slipping. And I went outside crying and probably it's best i return back to my accommodation. This image is too much. Especially that we live in the same room, the 3 of us. And i had a therapist that said the lack of room is the reason dad left and because i was growing up and he was feeling uncomfortable and i was in the same room. I feel sad to leave my family and my city but i don't think i can do this anymore. I'm driving into despair seeing her like that. And insane panic attacks that make the whole neighborhood hear my cries. And i have to go outside to have my panic attacks.

Please don't tell me mom's an alcoholic and needs help or in pain. She forbid me to use these words and suggest help. And by saying this i just feel worse. Like i should do something but i can't. Right now I'm more of a burden to both her and myself. I'm losing my sanity. I swear I'm going insane. I can't stop crying. I just hope on monday i sllawoll how much i miss them and my apartment and go back. Otherwise I won't make it out alive till my birthday in August. I cry every night. I'm going insane i swear

[hypercat54]

Leave your mum alone. She is an adult and has the right to go to hell in her own way. She clearly doesn't want help and you have to respect that. You are just making things harder for her.

Are you saying your family is all living and sleeping in one room?

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

Yes. And thank you. Everyone is telling me to drag her to rehab but she clearly doesn't want to even mention it and I feel bad and responsible for her. But she's older than me

[hypercat54 in reply to Against_the_current]

You can't 'drag' someone to rehab against their will. If anyone else says that to you tell them to do it then.

Why are you responsible for her? Who put you in charge of other's lives?

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

Others be like "she's your mom, you have to take care of her before she dies like mine" . But i really can't grab her by the hair and drag her to the psychiatrist

[hypercat54 in reply to Against_the_current]

No you can't so you need to take a step backwards and understand there is nothing you can do. All you can do is tell your mum you are there for her to support her if she wants your help.

[hopeforjoy]

Your one primary goal right now has to be your own mental health. Sadly, at this point you can't worry about helping your mother. I'm so sorry you're having to go through these horrible difficulties right now, especially at your obviously young age. Just know, however, that there is every reason to believe that life will get remarkably better for you at some point. Work to keep hope alive!

[Against_the_current in reply to hopeforjoy]

Thank you. So i can leave to prioritise my mental health? I needed to hear that

[SoporRose]

I hope you manage to get things worked out. I’m wishing you all the best.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I think i have to return to my terrible accommodation. I couldn't rest, i couldn't play with sis and Bob the rabbit or enjoy my homecity and i feel so bad. I couldn't feel like my old summers. But maybe i can't deal with her, i have to go back

[SoporRose]

AtC,

You seem to be still conflicted about which to do; is that right? Tell me if I understand the options correctly:

Staying with your mom means having to watch her drink, but also getting time with your sister and Bob, and being in a city that feels like home.

Going back to your accommodation means getting to be away from your mother, but not having time with your sister or Bob and being in a place that feels less like home.

Do I have that right?

Sometimes it is clarifying to consider how we would help someone else who is dealing with similar circumstances. What advice would you give someone else who was in your situation? What advice have you given others on HealthUnlocked who have been struggling with equally difficult choices?

Let us know what you decide.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you, Ruth. You summarised it well. It's like that. It's that dilemma. I would say i know the choice is really hard and filled with guilt but i should take it easy on myself. I can't help neither mom, sis or Bob in this condition, and it hurts to leave but i can't. And the place is bad but i can try to make it more comfortable, find a new place, decorate, do chores, find friends. Tho the first days i should just rest because i was through a lot since i last left

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

You have given yourself brilliant and sophisticated advice. I understand that it is easier to know what to do than to do it, but I think it will help you to have articulated your situation and your options as clearly as you have. And if going back to your accommodation doesn't work out, you can always go back to your mom's, right?

Good for you for thinking this through as carefully as you have done. I'm really proud of you (again). It's not easy to sort out thoughts when one's head is so noisy. Well done indeed!

[Hidden]

Younger sister? I would prioritize yourself first and then, second, your sister. Try to set up your own place so that you can take in your sister if she needs to move out also. But definitely prioritize yourself first. You "can't pour out of an empty cup." Sending hugs. This sounds really tough. Any cousins or aunts or grandparents who can be there for you?