Need advice in helping bf with anxiety and depression which makes him moody

[TheGirlfriend]

Hi. I'm the girlfriend of a guy who is going through depression and anxiety, but won't take medication. He has a couple of good days and then like 2 or 3 bad days. The good days are great and they remind me of why I love him. He's a great guy. But on the bad days he's a mess and it's uncomfortable to be around him. He's moody and ignores me. I ask him what's wrong g and he says 'nothing' then he goes in slamming and throwing things. Today for example, he was in a bad mood since 7am when I called him. Btw, we dont live together. So when i saw him at 5pm he was moody. When he left at 9pm he said 'I'll call you later.' And walked out. He called me at 10pm and the 1st words out of his mouth were 'you need to charge the ring doorbell batteries, read the manual and have them rest for installation on Sat. I don't want anything to do with them. Good night.' And hung up the phone. When he's like this I stop and ask myself 'do I want to deal with it?' Sometimes I want to breakup with him but I don't want him to think I'm a quitter. I dont want to quit on him. I love him but I dont know how yo help him!!! Please..any advice is appreciated!!! Thanks.

[BrSand72]

Medications do help, I diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, I know this time of the year depression is the worst for me because the sun isn't out- Vitamin D helps. For the mood swings he needs to learn how to control them because they do happen. if he's not taking his meds chances are he won't see a therapist and the only way to beat depression is with a good support group and learning how to handle it. If he's unwilling to change things for himself I don't see him getting any better. This probably didn't help but just to give you some knowledge from someone who deals with it. To be honest its a day to day fight. He needs to learn how to Corp with it.

[TheGirlfriend in reply to BrSand72]

Thank you very much for your advice. He refuses to go see a therapist. He says he doesn't trust anyone and is sure no therapist will help him because he is too smart for them. He thinks is therapists dobt care about people, it's just a job. I feel yes a bit condescending and thinks he's better than everyone else. He always tells me that he's on a different page, like Superman -he doesn't belong in this world. His negativity gets to me. He says I need to 'just be nice'...i try, God knows I try, but it's not enough for him.

[AZ1970]

I know he is ill and needs help. But treating you unkindly is not ok. Perhaps on the days he is moody, you just shouldn't see him. You cannot fix this or make it better for him. No matter how perfect you are, it won't keep him from being irritable with you. It is ok to set boundaries with him and his behavior. Perhaps that will open his eyes a bit about needing help. If that doesn't work, perhaps you need to consider whether or not this is a healthy relationship for you. I would have a talk with him and let him know how this is affecting you so hopefully the two of you can work on a plan for the days he is not doing well.

[TheGirlfriend in reply to AZ1970]

Thank you very much for your advice. I have told him how I feel and he says I always make it about me, that I dobt understand it's his battle and that I have the 'easy job', that all I have to do is be nice. I try, but his irritability gets to me and I lose my cool. I wish i could say that on bad days we shouldn't see each other but he wants to come over every day. Sometimes he's so irritated he even says 'i dont knoe why I even bother coming to you, you don't always make it about yoursel!' Today after work I'm going to the dentist then heading back to work to supervise a school play (I'm a teacher). He got upset because I didn't 'ask for permission'. Wth? Im not 10 tests old and He's not my dad and he's not my husband. He had back pain on Tuesday night, Wednesday morning I asked how he was doing and he said 'fine'. Yesterday Thursday I asked again how he was doing and he said 'fine' but at 1:30am he sent me a text that he was in severe back pain, probably kidney related so he was going to the hospital and Amanda was taking him. Amanda is a'friens' who already told him to leave me and be with her. That he needs a wo.an like her by his side not me because I don't make him happy. She doesn't even know me. I've never met her. Never even seen a picture of her. In fact, I haven't met any of his family, his 19 yr old son, or 3 friends he has. He claims he barely seems them himself. He's always with me. I seriously feel like I want out!!!!! Help!!!

[AZ1970 in reply to TheGirlfriend]

It sounds like you need to be out of the relationship. He is controlling and abusive. You deserve a man who treats you well and is with you exclusively.

[trapis2 in reply to TheGirlfriend]

You say that you love him, WHY?? He doesn't sound to loveable. I see that you are a helper kind of person, which it great, but some people cannot be helped if they have no desire to help themselves. This relationship seems to be toxic to you, so think seriously weather you need this man in your life. Hugs and peace to you.