i'm feeling broken hearted because i lost two friends at work. both of which showed their true colors and i'm devastated. i feel rejected, abandoned, and emotionally neglected. i thought they were my friends but i realize i was nothing but a clown and bedwarmer to them. i was never part of their circle of trust. i want to cry and i can't focus at work. i've been doing the bare minimum and am not motivated to do anything else.
although i respect their choice and its mutually beneficial to end the relationship, it's devastating that i invested so much to two empty barrels.
i will eventually get better once I can control my emotions and learn to regulate my emotional reactions on my body.
i just can't breathe right now and want to share my story with the community.
it hurts to be genuine and unappreciated.
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dwhp
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Thank you Agora1. I really needed feedback so I don't feel like i'm going through this alone. i have been in weekly therapy since last october and i'm still learning how to deal with this. i won't stop living my life the way i know how cuz i will continue to be me and won't let these incompatible people stop me from being authentic or genuine.
That sucks but if it makes you feel any better, I think that the new experience you gained from these so called friends will make you be better at selecting new friends in the future. And the best of all, with the new knowledge, you will be able to help other people that may go through these situations. I hope this helped
thanks LynnSalv. I’ve come across a website that’s really helpful in understanding my situation. It’s called sensitive refuge. Turns out I’m a highly sensitive person that’s why I keep getting into these kinds of relationships. Now that I know myself better I can adjust accordingly. Hope you have a great rest of the week! Be well!
thanks for sharing your story nb3. Although my mistreatment wasn’t overt but the subtleties are equally damaging. Besides these are far from kids that’s why it’s even more disappointing that their character reflects their shallowness. I’ll be fine, I love and give alot but not everyone deserves to have me in their lives. I’ve turned off the faucet and moving on to others who nourish me with equal reciprocation. Take care and be well!😀
Well said! Love your statement 'not everyone deserves to have me in their lives'. I know how you feel; won't go into details here but I recently lost lifelong friends and it hurts like hell. One had said some hurtful things when I was going through a rough time and even if she reached out to me now I wouldn't talk to her. The others have ghosted me and I don't know why. I haven't done anything. We were all friends for 54 years.. Stay strong, I am.
hi beetlebee, thanks for your input. It’s hard for me to make friends cuz I don’t open up easily to anyone but I feel I’ve placed my investment in the wrong people obviously. I’m well aware that people grow apart but it’s hard to adjust with our addiction to immediate response via text or emails. Our bodies have a hard time dealing with the dopamine withdrawal. All this will go away but since we work together it’s challenging. Tgif is my mentality every day cuz at least i’ll get two days off from feeling cheated. Hope you have a great weekend and I know there are great relationships ahead for the both of us.
Thank you for sharing your experience, and its not fault for what you experienced. Those people just were not trustworthy, but that has nothing to do with you. Proud of you that you are working on yourself, you deserve to feel appreciated and cared for 😁
thanks Beanz28， their behavior is a reflection of their character. We can’t always judge their character up front but we can be the best version of ourselves. Unfortunately they brought out the worst in me as I was trying to not lose their friendship. In the end it’s just not worth my effort. I accept that we’re not compatible and it’s time to find like minded friends elsewhere. I want to be around people who are glad to be around me and not have to “beg” to be loved.
I'm so sorry for what you had to go through and I know work place can be awkward in the situation. But just remember at the end of the day you leave your job. I understand in the moment that's not easy. Sending you hugs🤗❤️
thank you Lve2dance. I was naive that even someone 20 years my junior can hurt me so much. goes to show that even young people are toxic and the other one is 15 years my senior. goes to show even at that age, they are not smart or kind. I am a firm believer that people who complain they are not treated well are those who are not nice themselves, meaning they have not put in equal amount into the relationship. It's not my problem and I don't need to keep giving to people who don't give back. I am grateful for this community and the support it lends to those who are in need. I hope I can emulate you and live 2 love! Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
💋 you as well. I just aim to take my own advice which is not easy but sweet thank you. I have worked with all kinds of people through my life. I'm fortunate now that I love everybody I work with but I've been at my company 9 years so far.. ratchet people come in all ages
Hi dwhp, this is really sad to read. I’ve been working from home since Covid but remember all to well the drama of circles in the workplace. It’s hard not to get pulled in by the ppl with bad intentions as they often don’t know what they want and are probably going through their own insecurities. They gravitate to one another. It sounds like childish behavior on their part and glad to hear you discovered this and can move on without them. I’ve worked with ppl just like this and they are not worth your time or worries. Focus on your work and remember your worth. I’m so sorry you were hurt by this. Sending blessings your way.
Thank you Wildflower 22. I was fine being by myself but my 'friend' reached out to me cuz he had anxiety issues and needed someone to talk to. unbeknownst to me, he didn't want anything more than just surface level chat, which i am not a fan of. i tried to be his cheerleader and even got him small gifts to help with his situation as I would with all my other friends and family but turns out he thinks very little of me. instead of saying he's busy, he just keeps me on read so to speak. at first i didn't know that's his way of rejecting me or using the breadcrumb method. every time i point out why he doesn't have the courtesy to tell me he's busy, he just ignores me again. in retrospect, i realize he only reached out to me when he felt lonely. he had no desire to be my friend or reciprocate the support i've given him. although I don't regret having given him my support but i'm extremely hurt that he didn't have the decency to tell me that he's not available, just walked away without saying anything. lastly, the other person is his boss who's babying him and it pisses me off. she makes excuses for him and lets him off the hook on shared responsibilities. it's insulting to me that she is unfair to me as a person/colleague.
i am disappointed that they both abandon me. i learned that i'm ok being alone and i'm not needy. i definitely am not selfish and reach out to people just because i'm lonely and use them. i know i will make friends who are worthy of my company.
Ah I see, definitely get you now. Thanks for clarifying. His loss, ignore his breadcrumbs, you deserve better. Fingers crossed for more genuine ppl in your future, they are harder to find but always worth your time. Be well.
thanks for your compliment. I am a wonderful person and all those who are my friends benefit from my thoughtfulness and kindness. Sometimes I get bitten by snakes so note to self, don't reach your hand in dark places.
hope you have a wonderful week from this brwneyewanderer myself.
dwhp, I was in a class one time and we went around the room saying what we were looking for in life. One young woman said she wanted to be cherished for who she was. I hadn't thought about it but that word described exactly what I was looking for but couldn't use words to describe it until she said it. Now I ask myself is this person cherishing me? If they aren't we might still be friends but only casual friends 😗 It sounds like we are on the same page dwhp!
i was raised in an environment where all i did was give so it never occured to me that i needed reciprocity. i thought that if i was honest and said what i needed, my 'friend' would understand and follow through. i realized that after three times, he's not done much but to squirm away. i'd much prefer he be upfront and say i can't give you that rather than keep stringing me along. it's cruel and mean. i am sad about it but i'm not angry cuz i'm not that kind of person and one day, he'll get his just desserts for treating people like that.
i think most of us are all caught up in our own bs to know how to cherish other people. we struggle to live our own lives and not everyone knows how to care for others. i am blessed that i know how and do it well but now i need to be surrounded by those who will take care of me too. i hope you have that community in your life.
dwhp, honestly I currently do not have that community in my life. At least not where I'd like it to be. I'm carefully building my community right now as we speak 😙
Sorry you had to suffer the pain of betrayal. I went through it 6 weeks ago. It's very difficult. Have you heard of the book " Safe People " by Henry Cloud? I have looked at some of his YouTube videos on the subject and it has been very helpful to me. I hope you have a peaceful weekend. 💗
thank you Tara52 for your wonderful suggestion. I will definitely check it out and add this knowledge to my repertoire. I’ll be better equipped and weaponized against unsafe people in the future. Hope you have a great weekend!
I totally understand how you feel I really do because I had a very similar experience when I thought my work colleague was a friend and since she left there she's never made no effort to contact me and at work it was making all the effort. What I will say is you need to know your own worth these people were never your friends and now you need to learn to be your own best friend and just do your job and pay no attention to them. I know it's difficult belive me I do because I've been there. These people aren't worth ur time or sad feelings and you feeling shit u are a better person and will always be. When you love yourself u will feel so much better and maybe find another job to take yourself out of that situation. It really suck s when people treat us this way but you will be a wiser and stronger person...
Hi Pam67, thanks for your words of wisdom. it's true to just do your job and go home but i thought i was in a safe place to make ONE friend. Turns out he's not the one. I have since toned down alot cuz I don't want to impose a frienddship or expectation on someone that doesn't want it. i realize that I was the one who wanted the friendship and not him. It was my wishful thinking. I was too desperate and lonely to see this person didn't want the kind of friendship that i value so much. I was also misled in a way but it's my fault. Eitherway, I don't want to be anyone's personal cheerleader if I don't get the same in return. Can't give someone oxygen while i'm suffocating myself.
I am grateful for the community's support cuz it helped me calm down and see the situation in a different light. I am learning to love myself and to set boundaries so i don't become resentful when other people don't follow through.
People can be very unreliable. It's hard to know who to trust. There are some great people on here you can talk to. I know at my job I can be the only one working and it doesn't feel fair. But nothing I can do to get them move. I feel your pain on this. I'm here to listen if need an ear.
thanks Itzallgoid1! Just when I’m getting over my heart break two other people at work are starting drama. Goes to show work can be a real sh*t show sometimes. Just disappointed it isn’t a better place.
I have a new outlook at work now. I’m just going to focus on my work and people who reciprocate my friendship. I’m not chasing waterfalls anymore. Hope you have a great rest of your week!
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New to forum, feeling lost and broken
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