This is my first post. After a lifetime of excellent health, an active lifestyle and a lot of friends I developed MS and now can't do any of the activities I used to. My wife of 28 years left. I'm in a new relationship but my partner has made it very clear that she and her children don't want to be responsible for me as my health declines so I need to find someplace to go. I have one child but she lives in a tiny house in another state. Because very hot and very cold weather exacerbates my MS symptoms I moved from my very cold home state to an area with a moderate year round temperature so I don't have my friends around for support. I've been self employed my whole life so have no retirement plan having expected to work until I died. I didn't count on getting MS. So, at 63, living check to check and not knowing where I be living in my old age and poor health it's easy to be despondent. Although I wouldn't kill myself I have pretty much lost my will to live.
Feeling alone and unsure: This is my... - Anxiety and Depre...
Feeling alone and unsure
You've been dealt a shitty hand, no question about that. I'm glad you're not gonna fold. I want to help. I'll be here to talk, and listen, but unfortunately I'm not equipped to offer any real advice for your situation; I lack the experience and time.
I can tell you that I've been low enough to want to take my own life. I get their almost every night. But I know that it is physically impossible for me to hurt the people that care about me, so I know I'll have to live through those moments, even if I really don't want to. Losing your will to live is one thing, but I have yet to lose the will to care.
This comic changed my entire stance on suicide. I know it might seem silly, to post a comic, but the message behind it was powerful enough to make me realize that suicide doesn't stop pain, it just transfers it to the people closest to you. I couldn't live with myself if I gave my pain to someone else, and I can't die with myself and do it either.
Thanks, I'll look at the link at lunch. I hear you about not hurting my loved ones. I have an extremely small family. Two brothers who are 3000 miles away. We get along but not what I'd call close. My parents are gone and I have one daughter who is who I'd worry about hurting. I think that people who choose to end their lives on a 'whim' do more harm than those who carefully think it through and have a legitimate reason. If I was to enter the 'self checkout lane' I'd gather friends and family together and have a going away party so there would be closure. No plans as yet.
That is a lot of change in a short amount of time and not much of it good. Of course you are rocked to the core. This is a lot and I'm sorry it's happening to you.
Welcome. Be strong. Be kind to yourself.
I am curious. People can develop MS? I thought it was a condition that just occurs.
It does 'just occur, Starts with tingling and numbness. It's an enigmatic disease and hits everyone differently. No one knows the cause and there is no cure. The MS doesn't kill but complications do. I may never get any worse that my pain, muscle weakness, fatigue and loss of balance but there is no way to know. MS often makes it difficult to speak and swallow so phenomena and choking is a concern. That's what killed Annette Funicello. I feel grateful that I can still work but I'll never be able to afford to stop working.
Thank you for explaining it in greater detail for me. I only asked because the doctors thought my father had it at one time. It turned out to be a herniated disc. He was getting numbness in his legs.
It used to be misdiagnosed a lot but with an MRI conclusive diagnose is possible.
Yes that is how they found my fathers herniated disc. They sent him for an mri to see if he had MS. It turned out he herniated a disc. I always thought it would have been painful but the only symptoms he had was numbness and tingling in his legs.
Wow, 28 years of marriage, then a partner who doesn't want to be responsible for you??? That's what a partner does??? Sorry but you need to ditch her, gurantee that if she became ill and in need she would expect you to care for her. Get out before it's too late.
I know, I'm always keeping my ears open. It's hard at this age and disability. I briefly joined a disabled dating site but really like this woman otherwise. We've been seeing each other for nine years, a fairly long time but not really length of time that she feels committed.
I'm not the father of her children and that's where she plans to go in her dotage. She is right, it wouldn't be fair to her kids to be burdened with me.
I don't really want to end this relationship but she invited an old lover to have dinner and spend the night in a guest room. Hasn't seen him in 50 years and despite my hopes that he'd be fat, bald and wearing sweat pants and shower sandals he was handsome and interesting. They talked all during dinner about the good times as if I wasn't even there. How they felt when they first saw each other across the room. She totally fawned over him. Very unbecoming for an adult. They sat up for hours while he played the guitar and they sang together. Finally about 11:30 I went to bed and asked if she would please join me. That was a mistake.
I do love her. I am an extremely faithful partner. For the 28 years of my affection-less marriage I was never unfaithful. I feel if you stand in front of friends and family and make a promise you should keep it. I've never wandered in this relationship even though we are not married. I don't want to be old and lonely. I fear the only reason she allows me to hang around is she feels sorry for me. Not a good foundation for a relationship. I meet very few potential romantic interests. I'm a nice guy, a professional and supportive. I really like being in a relationship. I wish she did. Since my first relationship failed and this one is on the rocks maybe nice guys do finish last.
WOW she couldn't send a more clear message to you, hope you got it, doesn't sound like you did? Though I have to say that was a Very insensitive way of dealing with it. You'll find your Forever mate, be patience.
I know. I just have a hard time accepting defeat. She and I come from very different backgrounds. Maybe in posh society using friends as door mats is acceptable. Know any good dating sites for us older folks?
I totally understand, I left my marriage of 18yrs, 20 year's ago from a verbally abusive man before it turned physical. I did what was best for my kids, he was starting to turn on the kids. Feeling defeated is normal and doesn't feel good, but it is what it is. Maybe get some counciling?
Had the counselors. Could use some friends who I don't have to pay to be interested in me. Just came back from meeting with my partner who admits she's attracted to her old flame but "not interested in starting a new relationship" and she"will always be my friend". I hate those words. That's just a polite way of saying goodbye. I'm pretty broken up right now. Talking to you has been helpful. Thanks
Hi Want2BHappy. Well, I've moved out. Thanks for your support.
I'm glad to hear that, I know it's painful, but TRUST me, it will get better. I'm here for you if you need to chat. Take care
So sorry for what you’re going through! I would first look online or in your town for support groups for people with MS. You might even meet a new partner more understanding! I would also look into group medical homes for the future or even now depending on the advancement of your illness.
Thanks for the input. I have looked into MS Support groups. One problem is they are always in the middle of the day when I'm working. The other issue is many of the people there are in more advanced stages than me it it's a "coming attraction" I don't care for. As for a more understanding partner, my ears are always open.
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