When will my life begin?

[runinempt]

My name isn't at all important. I have a story to and this is the only place, I have found to tell it. This will probably sound like a work of fiction, but I promise you, it is all true. I am 69 years old now. My life began, born of an alcoholic father and a mother, scared to death of him. I, myself was afraid of him, until I was 40 years old. I was 4, when he beat me the first time, it still lives in my mind. I was beaten, tortured and raped, The time that he tortured me. He came in drunk at 3 AM, my mother was ill, so he woke me ( not the first time, nor would it be the last). He ordered me to bring my pillow and come to the living room. When I got there he instructed me to lay on the floor and close my eyes, but not to fall asleep. I was 9 at the time I couldn't stay awake and every time he'd say something and I didn't answer he kicked me in the ribs. I have been knocked unconscious, suffered black eyes, broken nose. The list is to long to keep going into. When I was 15, I was raped by one of my fathers drunk brothers. For many years I felt guilty, I thought it was my fault. I did something that caused him to treat me, that way. After, that incident I built a prison in my mind and shut down all emotions. I locked all the monsters there and was able to go on. Every bad thing that happened to me, is still buried there. I have tried, over the years, to face it all. But their is to much, if I look there, I start to break down and cry. If I ever cry, it will never stop! I will stop for now, I am tired and it's 6 AM. I have wrestled for hours, to decide to share this. I will post more tomorrow. Good Morning!

[Stippler]

I want to welcome you to the group and sharing your story because I know it took a lot of courage. My story has many parallels to yours, but it is still very tough to talk about in detail. You are to be applauded for making it this far, and more so for reaching out. None of what happened is your fault. I hope you can arrive at a point where you believe this. Sending healing energy. 🙏🙏🙏

[runinempt in reply to Stippler]

Thank you, this is not easy!

[b1b1b1]

It is good you came here. I agree with Stippler that it took a lot of courage to share your story, but it is good that you were able to do so. There are others here who suffered physical and/or emotional abuse as children. You are very welcome here. x

[runinempt in reply to b1b1b1]

Thank you!

[Atthepark]

Thank u for sharing