I was molested from the time I was 8 until I was raped at 17 and almost died from my step-father. Yes, I told my mother when it happen and she didn't believe me. So I died that day. My brother was beat all the time by him and my mother left us with him when I was 14. There is more but I can't talk about it right now. My brother saved my life by coming home when it was happening and literally saved my life. Now flash to now. He won't talk to me about it and told me to get over it. When I had cancer twice he never responded to me with anything. I just want to give up and just not try anymore. I think I will, I am tired of being hurt by him. He said if our mother didn't believe me I should have told someone else. Why would I when my own mother never did. Just over the family thing. I don't trust anyone anymore. Especially with my heart. I won't give it up anymore.
Written by
Beadgirl50
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I am so sorry this happened to you, and I can understand completely how you feel betrayed by those who should have been there for you. It sounds like your brother chooses to be in denial, and not deal with any of what happened. For whatever his reasons are, you cannot change that, or let it dictate what you need to do for you. I know it tears us apart, but we have to remove ourselves from this pain if it’s never going to change….we find other support.
I hope you are in therapy now, as this kind of trauma compounded with betrayal from those who should have been your protectors, leaves us as the walking wounded unless we get professional help. It's going to take a lot of work, but as one who is a survivor and living with CPTSD and abandonment issues and depression....I can honestly tell you that it does get better, but you’re going to have a lot of work ahead of you, and good days and bad days. Is it worth it....yes.
Thank you. You hit the nail on the head. I think I need to stop opening my heart to him and talking to him for my health. I have to try and heal me first. I am still in therapy.
I agree with fauxartist above, and would urge you to go no-contact with your brother. Find other support.
But be careful with that, too. I told some of my past issues to someone I thought was my best friend, and she couldn't deal with it. Our relationship is more distant now, and there are boundaries.
My late husband was the only person who instinctively knew what my pain was about - his childhood had been similar but far worse than mine. He was my protector from the person who had harmed me, and before he died, he sat me down to talk straight, about what that person really was, because he wasn't going to be around much longer to intercede. We never used words that came out of the DSM, but he knew this person was going to continue to say and do things that harmed me and why. I wish I could have gone no-contact with that person, but that would have meant going no-contact with someone else, someone I really cared about. I couldn't do it.
I am still struggling with that toxic individual, but I've distanced as much as I can under the circumstances. All of this is really difficult, but know that you are not alone.
I can understand that. I was betrayed by someone I thought was a good friend. It hurts a lot. I think I am more hurt that my brother won't talk to me about. I feel it would help both of us heal. I know now after his nasty message to me that it will never happen and that makes me really sad. I know he is hurting. He put a rifle to his head in the basement but my Niece started walking down the stairs so it never happen. He turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with the pain he endured in his life. Drank so much he lost his license for over a year and almost went to jail for it. Now he is smarter but still hurting and there is nothing I can do. Makes me feel worthless sometimes.
I am late on reading my emails. I can relate to you, as I am a rape and attack victim. In my forty's I joined Rape Counselling, took 40 hours of training, then was able to help victims. Call your local branch, they can probably give you help, even if it was in the past, you are still wounded, you need help to heal. I am free of my trauma and function quite well. As far as your brother goes glad he was there for you at the time, but now do not try to get help from him now as he is in denial as fauxartist writes. Also forget about your mother, she was ignorant and not a caring person to stand up for her daughter, she too was probably in denial.
You can get well, you can heal, I have, you need the right kind of help, you need love, support, understanding, courage to go on, a good therapist will give you these. Write to us here, I will do my best to help you, as I am sure other who can relate.
I send you Happyness, strength, courage, peace, tons of love and Big Hugs....Sprinkle ...1.....
Wow, this actually made me cry. I feel your sincerity in your words and I would be happy to talk with you more. I have so much loss in my heart and hurt and night terrors in my brain. I know the "people" out there wonder why the hell has this woman not move on yet? I wish I knew myself. SO much angry, hurt, insecurity and loss.
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