When we lose someone we love

[MandyBueno]

Almost 2 months ago i lost my grandpa, he was full of Life, his laugh was contagious. The last time i saw him when he was okay, i layed by his side and we talked, he was the most amazing person, we had a special conection, he kept all the letters i wrote him. The last time i saw him in the hospital i couldn't stay more than half a hour, i couldn't stand seeing his suffering, i moved closer to him and reminded him of our moments together, i told him how much i Love him and held his hand, he couldn't talk he just opened his eyes and tried to hold my hand tight. When i was leaving i saw him crying and the tears rolling down his face, that was the last time. He fought for his life for more two weeks, then he went to the emergency room, some members of.my family went there but i Just couldn't, i didn't feel Strong enough, the next morning my uncle sent me a very rude message, he told me i was not brave enough to stay with my grandpa, he told me he needed me, so i told him to tell my grandma that sunday i'd be spending my morning with my grandpa in the hospital....sunday didn't arrive for him, he passed away two days later. I still can't get over the fact i only visited him once. I'm now facing this, my mom found an audio of him talking on the phone, his voice is everywhere i go. I can't take this anymore, it is unbareble to see my mom cry, i try to be strong but it is killing me. Since the loss of my grandpa i was never the same person, my body changed , i missed three periods, (now it's normal again) passed out on my way to work and i have a hard time to go to my grandmas house cause i know he won't be there. I look through his photos and the pain is so real.

[Starrlight]

You have a beautiful connection with your grandfather. I did too with mine and was not allowed to go visit him before he died. It angered me. But we are both blessed to have known them. After his passing I saw my grandfather once in a dream and he was without stress without wrinkles with a big amazing smile and I swore he was visiting from heaven... he had to go back in the dream and I was left missing him but happy to have seen him again. They are watching over us I believe. I wish you peace. 💕

[Starrlight in reply to Starrlight]

P.s. you are strong

[MandyBueno in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me. And also thank you for reminding me i am Strong enough

[hurtingheart1]

I'm soo sorry! I can relate in way as well I am still feeling pain from losing my grandmother I was there when she died was 1 of hardest thing ever had I can't help feeling I could have been there more for her I tried as much as I was able I try to realize I did do the best I could with what situation was and my anxiety and depression been dealing with and I think I never wanted her to see me sad!! I thought I can't cheer her or help her much what can I do and it was so hard seeing her in pain!!! so I feel for you and don't let anyone make you feel guilty or tell you what you should hav done diff. maybe that's just there own pain talking!

[MandyBueno in reply to hurtingheart1]

Thank you soooo much, you just described how i'm feeling right now, it is hard to deal with a loss.

[hurtingheart1 in reply to MandyBueno]

You are vry welcome! I'm glad if my thoughts/ words maybe could help at all! I know loss of loved ones feels so unnatural!!😖😞guess we just have to heal and keep trying to live a life they'd want for us to live!!💐☺️

[Hidden]

Your grandfather knew you loved him. And your relationship sounds so close. I am sure he took great joy in you, your entire life. Grief is hard. I am 48, so much older than you. My fiance died suddenly a year ago, and the sadness overwhelmed me. Dont be too hard on yourself...you get through it the best you can. And take comfort in the happy memories of you and your grandpa.