PARENTS

[littlefreak1]

Has anyone ever been psychologically bullied by their own mother? I have no idea I'm gonna survive this. Even when everything seems fine, it never stops.

Last week I had a pretty bad car accident, and in the past few I have been feeling a lot of pain to my neck. Today I went to the ER, and I was diagnosed a quite severe cervical distraction. Now I'm at home and my neck has to be immobilized till Sunday. Even with the painkillers I'm still experiencing a lot of pain but I hope by next week I'll finally be able to move my neck and to start physiotherapy.

Guess what my mother said? That i don't need to rest or take drugs, or to even be treated by a physiotherapist, but instead I have to endure the pain and go on like nothing happened, just because she thinks I was responsible for the car accident, even if it's not true, so I deserve to be in pain in order to be reminded of my actions.

The last message she wrote to me was: "Don't annoy me with your silly problems anymore. If you are in pain is because you deserve it".

So that's why I'm here... to have some support and feel a little bit more understood. Did your mothers, or fathers, ever treated you this way? How did you cope with it?

But most of all...do you think I don't have to complain anymore and just endure my pain?

[EndUser13]

Yikes! That was cold of her, even if you were at fault an accident is still an accident, I can't imagine you wanted to suffer with this pain.

My father was abusive, physically and in kinds of petty, manipulative ways. I think he got some of his attitude from his own father and what your mom said sounds kind of old fashioned, could she just be carrying on an abusive legacy? With my dad, the only thing that stopped the abuse was growing up and kicking him out of my life.

The emotional pain might hurt as much as the physical pain because it's your mom, usually moms are a big deal to people! If you find someone reacting unreasonably to you like this, remember that you cannot reason with the unreasonable. If you have a good relationship with her and she is empathic, maybe try talking things out. If you can't, it may be best to accept that she has her flaws like we all do.

Feel better soon!

[Sylvain- in reply to EndUser13]

I don't know if this is what you call "psychologically bullied", but my parents were pretty harsh on me. "No need to cry now, you should have thought of it before" and "Stop crying, there are things worst in life" were their typical answers when I was feeling bad—which happened quite often.

Paradoxically, they loved me. But they were a total stranger to the concept of positive parenting. Maybe it is a generational thing. Or because we lived in a rural area where life was hard, and they wanted me to be stronger.

I don't think we can do much to change our parents. At least I didn't find a way and had to live with them as they were. I tried to avoid as much as possible the clashes. Despite that, their behavior has probably to do with the very small self-esteem I developed throughout my life.

[hypercat54]

Yikes that is so harsh! My mother would say things like that to me all my life. She would say it was my fault and I should have thought of this before.

This was a refrain all my childhood and I remember at 14 when I was desperately unhappy and I tried to talk to my mother about it. She said with a sneer on her face and contempt in her voice 'I don't want to hear about YOUR problems.

Consequently I cleared off from home at 18 and moved to London. If you can I would go, if not all you can do is emotionally detach yourself from her to protect yourself.

Imagine you have a huge brick wall and any comments she makes just bounce off it. It does help but still doesn't stop the hurt.

If she has always been like that then you just have to accept that you can't get blood out of a stone so never give her any chance to hurt you as much as you can.

You have my sympathy as I have been there. I hope you are feeling better soon. Take care.

[Tara52]

Yes quite often. To demonstrate love is to be patient and kind. My mother rarely was. As children we can't do much about it but as adults we don't have to remain subject to them any longer. My motto is "Love them from a distance ".

[Liscat]

Hi there, my Mother also seems to hate me. I mean, its stupid, I'm 62 years old and she's 86, so you would think such issues would be long in the past. But, no, somethings are just too engrained I guess. If you can remember that whatever her issues are, they don't define you. I've spent a lot of my life trying to make her like me, and my hope for you is NOT to do that. It's time consuming and very painful. Turn to others for support and hang in there.

[SusieSoul]

Hi I think you have a right to be treated with care and compassion after the accident. Your Mom is wrong. Meet your Mom where she's at, she has her own pain, but don't let this silence your voice, for the rest of your life. That is how it starts, but I'm telling you so you can get through this difficult time. I hope your neck makes a full recovery, and I am sending you hugs, may they envelope you at this difficult time for you. I'm not sure if you can still do the medical treatment and painkillers, or is your Mom taking those off you. It is a human right to receive medical attention, and to do that you need to follow hospital orders.