Deeply sad, please I need some comfort and/or perspective

[Milliewaterlilly]

I've been living with my brother in the same flat for about 2 years. We live abroad far from our country of origin. When I first moved with him going through an extreme mental health crisis and he offered me support. I've always been extremely grateful that my brother was there for me during those dark times. I recovered after a few months and during these almost two years our flat sharing has had many ups and downs. The main problem has mainly been that my income was lower than his and I lost my job few months ago so I was a bit delayed due to my circumstances. I still own him a fairly small amount of money which I keep on paying back but it's still not fully paid. I feel terrible about it but I can't pay him back any faster. The last weeks I started to relapse and had crippling anxiety and started to spiral into depression due to many things going on in my life. It's been extremely tough since I don't have people I can genuinely trust where I live. I've been extremely lonely and in dispair. My brother has been aware of my health issues and the suffering I've been enduring and has acted extremely cold and indifferent towards me. I often ask him if he can just hold my hand during a panik attack and he answers: "no". Also, I spent many days at home without seeing people since my anxiety was extremely high and painful and when I asked him if he could keep me some company, he would say: "yes but only 5 mimutes". In a few weeks we need to leave the flat we live in and he will move out with his friend. I can only respect that but I'm terrified since I still don't have a new place plus I really feel like my brother is abandoning me with his repeated actions. He's not on my side and I don't know what to do since I do need emotional support regardless of whether he moves out or not. It breaks my heart when I see my brother not having basic human empathy. I've spent 1 hour just sobbing on my own, it breaks my heart to see me brother treating me as a human being. Sometimes I feel maybe he's grown a lot of resentment towards me because of the money. However he's incapable to communicate with me about stuff annoying him. It's very hard for me to deal with that. Please help.

[Milliewaterlilly]

I meant NOT treating me.

[LoveforAll41]

I am sorry this is happening Lia. Are you going to therapy or doing other stuff for your mental health? Maybe this can be a good opportunity to strike out on your own? I truly believe there are great people everywhere if we go out to find them. Community resources are great, or there are resources online like this one. Wishing you the best and strength to do what needs to be done

[b1b1b1]

You need to find a therapist and a psychiatrist and possibly take antidepressants, or mood stabilizers, depending on what the doctor recommends. I do not mean this in a nasty way, but I think you are leaning on your brother too much. It seems to me that he is trying to set appropriate boundaries, and also that he has done a great deal for you already. He has in fact done more than most brothers would be willing to do. Help is available for you, and it is now up to you to find it and try to work on yourself. I believe you can do this and it is good that you have found this site. x

[misslillie]

I have found that it is a mistake to try to make our friends and family members into therapist. I have even made the mistake of trying to make co workers in to therapist. It doesn't work. Find a therapist. Find a doctor. Find a support group. They are more likely to help you find the solutions you are looking for.

[blackcat64013]

Hi and thank you for your post. I agree with others recommending that you find a mental health professional to support you at this difficult time.

If you can somewhere to live I believe you will feel more settled.

Walking 🚶‍♀️ is a good stress buster. A buddy to walk with helps too.

Perhaps you might consider a pet to ease your lonliness?

Pick and choose the options that suit you.

All the 👌