I need help please urgently.

[Capstone]

I am from a dysfunctional family and my Fiance left because of my family. I just met someone and he's asking about my family and I don't know what to do and I don't know how tell him too not that I don't want him to know but it hurts talking about it especially since it's going to be over the phone. Telling someone about my family breaks me down. I've been having sleepless nights. Am certain that talking about it may cause some traumas to resurface. I really need help. I've been trying to avoid discussing my family but it's not just possible. I want to tell him but it's just that I don't like talking about it.

Please am sorry for bringing this here. Please I just need someone I can talk to. Am just losing it

[Rudolph26]

I completely understand. I’m going through a similar thing right now actually. If yoy want to talk you are more then welcome to message me and maybe we can help eachother. Either way, I will gladly be a listening ear

[Capstone in reply to Rudolph26]

Okay dear

[fauxartist]

I would suggest, if it were me, that I would just let them for now, that I have to have boundaries with my family, and that I would prefer to not deal with them. It's nothing to do with your relationship with that person, and if they don't understand that, then that's on them. You don't have to tell them anything other than that. Full disclosure early on in building a relationship should be focused on things you like, things that you both like, and enjoying each other’s company. Its building layers of getting to know each other...not a dumping of every little thing all at once before you even have time to know them as a person. That would scare the hell out of anyone to know all my childhood abuse issues before they even knew what kinds of food I liked...you have to let things blossom in their own time. The other stuff comes along after you have time together, and you just make that clear early on so it's no mystery why you don't want them to hang out with your family at first.

[Capstone in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks a lot

[Pamela2876]

Do you think your fear stems from your previous relationship ending? It is always best to be up front with the truth. Your family of origin is not you, this person likes you and wants to get to know you better. I wish I could give you a hug! Setting boundaries with your family of origin is perfectly reasonable if they have caused pain in your past. I would work toward setting good boundaries around those relationships. I would really like to encourage you to check out "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. You can have a great relationship despite your families faults! My thoughts are with you!

[Capstone in reply to Pamela2876]

Thank you so much, this means a whole lot to me.

[Pamela2876 in reply to Capstone]

Absolutely! Hugs!

[Kassayee]

Honestly if you’re not ready to discuss it then you shouldn’t feel pressured too. Let him know that as of right now it’s still a sensitive subject and ask him maybe to talk about something that’s simple. Especially if you just met him you don’t want him to feel like maybe it’s too much. But then again honesty is the best policy. Kinda ease into it and take deep breaths if you choose to do y’all about it. Baby steps

[Capstone in reply to Kassayee]

Thanks a lot, I think I will take the later part.

[Kassayee]

Of course

[Capstone in reply to Kassayee]

Thanks again

[Hidden]

Is there anyway you could meet him face to face? He's in love with you not your family.....

[Capstone in reply to Hidden]

For now, no. Because of the lockdown.