Still Stil

[PeaceNeed]

I'm alone in pain and tired. Aging and depressed. I called crisis line and after a while all I heard was them shuffling papers around. People just seem not to have patience with me when you dont respond to treatment they toss me aside.

[Dolphin14]

Hi

What types of treatments have you tried?

🐬

[PeaceNeed in reply to Dolphin14]

Drugs, therapy, breathing grounding meditation

[Dolphin14 in reply to PeaceNeed]

There are different types of therapy and other treatments. I'm sure you have tried them all? If not I would keep pushing

[Edell2023]

You keep trying Max - we can do hard things

[TAZ49]

I Feel you PeaceNeed . I stopped Psych meds in Dec 2021. Nothing was working. I've been pushing through but I don't feel like I have any real support because I don't respond to any treatment. I'm fighting suicidal ideation right now. I can't tell anyone because when I do, they call my providers and put me inpatient. Going inpatient does not make anything better for me. I just feel alone and out of options. I turned 51 this year. I'm tired of fighting. The main thing that's keeping me going is the thought of my fiance finding my body breaks my heart. If he was not in my life, I would surely be gone. I truly hope you can find some peace. I look for it everyday.

[WolfMuffin in reply to TAZ49]

I understand how you feel. Try Jesus He is real. Just call out to Him He will answer you. He made a difference for me in my depression and He can for everyone else. (John 3:16) He cares.

[bethelbee in reply to WolfMuffin]

Please no religion on here. Everyone has their own beliefs.

[WolfMuffin in reply to bethelbee]

that’s just it Jesus is not religion 😀He’s someone real to have a relationship with.

[bethelbee in reply to WolfMuffin]

Not in my religion.

[WolfMuffin in reply to bethelbee]

oh that’s very sad . I am praying for you even now. Jesus loves you and I love you. I pray that you would come to know just how real He is. I am praying for you .

[bethelbee in reply to WolfMuffin]

It's not sad at all. I don't have the same beliefs as you. Jesus is not my saviour, is not in my religion. I will not discuss this any further

[PeaceNeed in reply to bethelbee]

Religion works for some so far it hasn't for me. I tired of people saying they'll pray for mr.

[bethelbee in reply to PeaceNeed]

I'm with you there, Max. Religion is such a personal issue and it annoys me when others try to force their beliefs on others.

[Lve2dance in reply to bethelbee]

Thank you 😁. Praying can help.. But we all have our own ways that personally work

[Lve2dance in reply to TAZ49]

Facts. Those places do the opposite. When I was mistakenly put in one just because I said something when I was upset and I had to prove I didn't mean it, there were a few decent things... Like group meetings and some people weren't bad. But overall it did the opposite of helping

[bethelbee in reply to Lve2dance]

Not facts; I've been hospitalized a few times and except for one time it really did help. For many it has helped.

[Lve2dance in reply to bethelbee]

It depends on the place. Where I was at I was abused. They said if I'm upset they'll put me in solitary. When I got there late at night they said don't bother your roommate and don't use the bathroom. The floors are dirty my feet turn black. When I had a blood test in the intake area couldn't find the vein then the needle was, hanging out of my arm. Blood was gushing. And instead of using a gauze they put alcohol on it. I was removed from my house in handcuffs in the back of a cop car in front of my parents. Just because I call the line to try to get help.

[bethelbee in reply to Lve2dance]

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. I'm not saying there aren't bad places , just that there are good ones.

[Lve2dance in reply to bethelbee]

If you go by your own free will then yes.

[Lve2dance in reply to bethelbee]

But I made mistake of calling helpline and it backfired

[TangledUpIn in reply to Lve2dance]

That is so frightening what you went through and it stops me cold from calling crisis lines - I can't trust those people 😔

[Lve2dance in reply to TangledUpIn]

Yes it's terrible you have to watch what you say and this line is supposed to help you

[Lve2dance in reply to TangledUpIn]

The positive was I met some really incredible people, I got the benefit of group, and after going through that I realized that I'm a strong person for coming through it on the other side

[Lve2dance in reply to bethelbee]

Really all I wanted was to talk to somebody. I love my parents but they didn't understand. Now fortunately I found this site a while ago which has helped me a lot. And a great therapist

[bethelbee in reply to Lve2dance]

Glad this site has helped you and that you have a great therapist.

[emmi331 in reply to Lve2dance]

So glad to hear you're doing better. The mistreatment you received should have been documented and reported! You may not have been in condition to do that, though.😥

[Lve2dance in reply to emmi331]

I was happy to get out. It was not all bad there.. But a lot of bad things

[Lve2dance in reply to bethelbee]

My mom said but I was okay and she would take me personally if necessary but I was dragged into cop car against my will. How does handcuffing a person help them

[bethelbee in reply to Lve2dance]

Handcuffing does not help. I don't know your situation. I admitted myself to the hospital.

[Lve2dance in reply to bethelbee]

I called the site a few times and nobody responded. My friends were around but nobody really understood so I said certain things I didn't mean but nothing literal that I said. The cops came and first just talked to me but then one said that I had to go with him because of what I said legally he was obligated my mom said she didn't mean it which I didn't but it didn't matter. And even he seemed nice at first until he brought me to the place then he got really nasty and lied to me and said I was only there overnight. As long as I was okay. But then he Baker acted me what said he wouldn't . So my mom had to call an attorney that was dealing with somebody in the same situation that I was and got me out of there

[Lve2dance in reply to bethelbee]

I was not allowed to leave even when I proved I was actually fine. They lied to me about it. My mom had to get an attorney and pay a lot of money to get me out of there

[PeaceNeed]

Im glad u have someone. I always have si going on in my head. I gave most of my possessions away and my cat.I really want out. Growing old under theze circumstances terrifies me nothing seems to work

[Marysblue]

I feel the same way a lot of times when I'm down. And I feel like I've tried most everything too.I was watching a show this morning that was telling us to live only for one day.. don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow. Just keep focused on today. Trying...hope thinks get better, they can. There's a new TMS out, called Saint.. it's not it every city yet but it will be a game changer for depression.

[Boston001]

I can so relate. I'll be 58 at the end of the month. I've been in outpatient treatment for 15 years now, medication takes the edge of, and therapy really doesn't seem to do anything. And I know talking about ending it sets off red flags and you have to choose your words. I was in inpatient treatment a few times when I was a teenager for attempting to end it and it's just a warehouse for people who they don't know what to do with. None of us really knows our fate as we age. I get out of bed every day because I know I'm not a bad person, the circumstances that put me in this place in life were not something I chose. Loneliness is painful but you have to cut yourself some slack. personally, I feel dwelling on it and feeling like somehow my self-worth has something to do with having people or a partner is not making my pain any less, dwelling just adds more pain. It has more to do with am I a good friend to me, what can I do for me today to feel better, and how can I advocate for myself when I'm so tired I just want to hand it all to someone else. But no one wants that job and no one can do it, so I keep on moving. Write it all down max, get it out of your head so it's not a stream of thoughts, so it is something you can analyze. Get outside Max and get air in your lungs and sun on your face. You seem like a man who needs a break, get your mind off of feeling broken.

[Hidden in reply to Boston001]

Well said. I think I saw this on someone's shirt or some blog (I know it's a bit cheesy, but sometimes it works for me when I know I have to do something for myself bc no one else will):

"Be your own flying saucer. Rescue yourself."

[Hidden]

Hi Max, if the 988 crisis hotline was not as helpful as you'd like, try these other resources:

- Mental Health America > warmline.org (crisis centers organized by state). Here's the link: screening.mhanational.org/c...

- Call 211. It's the social services referral line. Hopefully, they can refer you to a caring Rep and serve as your advocate.

If I find another resource, I'll pass it on. Just to verify, did you say you live in TX?

Take care and be kind to yourself, Max. I know it may feel like you're alone, but you matter to everyone in this community (77,500+). I'm rooting for you.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the advice. One of few places i come where people really know what the hell is goimg on.

[bethelbee]

Hi Max,After decades of meds I became treatment resistant a few years ago. Luckily my therapist recommended TMS. For me it has been a lifesaver, literally. I've had 3 rounds; the results of the first two each lasted about 6 months and the results of the third are still working after 16 months. I'm in my 60's and have had health issues the past year and if it weren't for TMS would have spiralled down. It's a noninvasive treatment but is a big commitment of 5x/wk for 6-7 weeks. As I said it worked well for me.

Hope you're able to find relief.

[emmi331 in reply to bethelbee]

Does your insurance cover this? Just curious.

[bethelbee in reply to emmi331]

My Medicare totally covered my treatment. You'd have check with your own insurance company to see how much it covers. Some may a co-pay.

[TAZ49 in reply to bethelbee]

All TMS got me was $900 in the hole. I had high hopes and 36 treatments. My trauma outweighs my depression, so the TMS had very little effective. I'm glad to hear it's working for some people.

[bethelbee in reply to TAZ49]

Sorry it didn't work for you 😔 I know it doesn't for everyone. Don't know what I would have done if it didn't b/c I would personally never do ECT nor ketamine.

[PeaceNeed in reply to TAZ49]

Im still trying to decide. Tms, ketamine or esketamine. Before I loose the option. You get to s point where you age and u either end up in the street or you become a ward of the state.

[Ryanlion]

Bless you max, i feel for you. Believe me there are tonnes of people out there like you who feel like you. Alone , hurting and let down by the system. I am in the UK & God help anyone with serious mental health issues here because the help is SHIT! Staff who dont care and dont know. I had to go private. Luckily i has a small inheritance but i struggle every day to overcome my grief, my anxiety & depression. I am too sensitive too drugs. Do not toss yourself aside like those uncaring creatures. You are worth a hundred of them. We do have to rescue ourselves but it is exhausting when we have no energy etc.. Scour YOU TUBE, THE INTERNET to find new help that is outside the box. Its what i do. I found 'Self Haverning', Antonia Harmen, Coherence healing, and i have purchased 'The Sensate'. Which i have yet to try. Listen to others on You tube who made it out of hell, to encourage you. As the other member suggestion Prayer & living one day at a time. Even 12 step groups could be beneficial. I attend one. Become your own best friend. I hope this helps in some way.

[Lve2dance]

Crisis lines are the worst. I'm sure there's some good ones. It seems like people here care more

[catsrock]

Ugh - I'm sorry they didn't help you more. Please hang in there and letting us know how you are doing.

[Dot79]

I hear you and totally understand. Prayers going up!

[bethelbee]

I agree. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but don't force them on others.