Friends are they real?

[Foreverbroken31]

It's been a month since I took some distance from my so called best friend. And I think I just realized she never was my friend. I met her while working as a cashier. I was in a bad place back then worse than now. I opened to her about my depression and my suicidal thoughts. Back then I started drinking and smoking to easy my problems. I used to drink but always kept it hidden from my family. But when I got depressed 3 years ago I used alcohol to escape the pain the thoughts of trying to end my life. So when I opened up to her she said she would take me out more often. We did hang out alot then I would get bad days she would say all you need a to relax have a couple of beers and you will be fine. The thing is I was forced into drinking but I had easy access to doing it and she would keep me "safe". Well now that my depression came back she has to do with it. Maybe I never wanted to see the real her maybe she wasn't my friend more like an enabler. I don't know why I just can't let go of this. I'm hurting myself because she is out there making friends having a good life and I'm here crying about our friendship that basically never was real. As soon as I asked for space to rethink all this she blocked me on everything. My parents want to know why and I have not been honest about all of it. If they knew she was the cause of my depression all hell would break loose. The thing is I want to confront her and tell her all I have bottled up but honestly what good does that do for me because she will deny everything and all I will have left is anger and hate. Maybe I have to start hating her to be able to move on and accept she was not my friend or sister

[RupertBrown]

Hi there, sorry you are going through this. I think I can relate a little. My best friend is always trying to get me out for drinks or come over my house to drink. I don't mind having a drink with friends, but it's always on his schedule and he's often belligerent. When I go over his house his wife makes comments to me how he's never around. I'm starting to think his wanting to hang out has a lot more to do with him getting away from his wife than it does with actually hanging out with me. He can never accomodate any one else's desires and always only wants to do what he wants. When I think back, it's always been that way. I'm beginning to suspect I'm just someone to drink with and nothing more. He causes fights between me and my spouse and is always negative and all around toxic. It's a shame, because we've known each other for like 20 years and at this point I kind of wish he'd stop coming around. I start to panic when he texts me. The last two time we hung out, his behavior was atrocious. I'm kind of at my wit's end over this. Wish I knew what to tell you, but I definitely feel what you're saying. Why do people have to be so toxic. Why can't they just leave us alone? Why is all this so hard?

[Foreverbroken31 in reply to RupertBrown]

You are correct why are they so toxic. People like that have to contaminate everything around them if not they're not happy. My friend also started being really toxic towards me and the friendship I had with this other girl I consider a sister. She called me once I was with my friend and she literally sound like the jealous girlfriend like she felt cheated on. All her toxic being push me further and further away to the point where I had to have another friend involved with us hanging out. I wasn't comfortable with her anymore and she became worse to the point my only way out was asking for space

[DodgeDhanda]

Hi Redeemed , sorry to say that for ur friend U were just someone to take out drinking as they didn't want to go out alone.

Quick question. Was it always their suggestion to go out drinking or did U suggest it too ? If it was mainly this other person then U were used & when we have substance issues we don't need users or enablers to be in our lives to hinder our healing .

[Foreverbroken31 in reply to DodgeDhanda]

It was mostly her taking me out. And then when I stopped drinking I became boring to her. Then after months of not drinking I went back to it and she was happy I was the old me.

[DodgeDhanda in reply to Foreverbroken31]

Personally I feel ur better off without someone like that in ur life. However its ur life & choice & if U feel U did right by stepping back then it was the perfect choice.

[Rick1on1]

You dont want to start encouraging hate in your heart...it will twist you to a darker place. Time is the best cure for such hurt. Dont be too hard on yourself for liking her but consider it a lesson learnt and watch out for similar personalities in the future.

Good luck!