It's scary in my head

[Against_the_current]

It's so hard. Im being hitted by even older traumas, im lonely but have nobody here and nobody wants to talk to me because I lash out. I lash out because I get triggered. Im really easily triggered. It's so hard to do university work and household. I really want to move out but just fantasise. Im worried about getting a job. I can't do anything. Im mad i worked so well and hard at my internship but will get a low mark because i can't write it out. My head hurts so much. I have terrible flashbacks. Even older than my current problems. When i was younger and had a stomach bug and feel nauseous just from those flashbacks. Everything feels so messy and dirty that i just want to burn down my whole accomodation. Which is not much. I just be having 13564 therapists and getting worse. Taking medication that only puts my trauma in my unconscious and i can't take it out. Get ruined physically by weird sicknesses. My head hurts like hell. Try to find help - get used. And anxious about people loving someone instead of me. Having so much sisters gave me insane jelaousy and envy issues. Im ruined. Having worse thoughts that my councious forgot and that i better not write to have my post up because I really really need help

[Catlover2626]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I understand feeling alone and dealing with traumas, mine temporarily erased most of my memories. You are young though, and shouldn't ever give up. None of this stuff will last forever. Keep trying, and don't ever give up. Much love and healing from one lonely soul to another.

[Against_the_current in reply to Catlover2626]

Thanks. It's even worse that at that age i deal with it. Like it will only get worse with time and stole my life. Not alone in loneliness

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. One of the suggestions my GP recently gave me as a way to get out of my head is to look around me and engage the senses. I can also ask myself questions about what I observe (examples: "I wonder how she's feeling today?", "I wonder what he's thinking about?", "what's her life story? Does she have kids at home? Pets at home?", "I wonder what that dog over there is sniffing and why").

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thanks and so thoughtful of your GP, mine would just send me to the psychiatrist. Grounding is a nice idea

[SoporRose]

I did a Google search for hotlines in Bulgaria and apparently there are a few. I know nothing about them, but they might have people who will listen and who understand about triggers and lashing out. And they might know about support systems and practical assistance, such as help finding a place to live or getting a job.

You are young enough to get better if you can find the help you need. Of course it’s so hard to reach out when you feel exhausted and alone, but inside you still carry all that intelligence and creativity that I believe will bring you both purpose and, eventually, happiness. Accept help from anyone who offers it, as your professor did. We want you to stick around!

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks. I have researched hotlines a million times and every time they get fewer and cover just specific topics like home violence and even say im taking the time of someone who might need it. I feel like im getting nowhere

[SoporRose]

Do you have "warm lines" there?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

What are warm lines?

[SoporRose]

From the National Alliance on Mental Illness: "Unlike a hotline for those in immediate crisis, warmlines provide early intervention with emotional support that can prevent a crisis – and a more costly 911 call or ER visit. The lines are typically free, confidential peer-support services staffed by volunteers or paid employees who have experienced mental health conditions themselves. "It's unimaginable, hard to conceptualize, for those who don't work in this field, what the level of need really is," said Quinn Anderson, who manages the NAMI HelpLine."

I don't know if NAMI has any international resources, but you could try going to the website and getting in touch with someone there (there's a "Get Help" option with a drop-down menu) to ask if they have any sister-programs near you or know of any warmlines you could call. Warmlines are fairly new, I think. Most states here have them. I don't know how helpful they are. I suspect it varies.

I feel as if I may be selfish when I offer suggestions. Perhaps I am just trying to make myself feel better. Will you tell me if these ideas are helpful or if it would be better for me to offer you simply understanding?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Appreciate trying to help. I need to search it up. The lack of hotlines in Bulgaria is terrifying. You're doing so much for me, please don't worry. Im just having hard time concentrating and replying

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I understand. You really have far too many things with which you have to cope.