In March 2019, I was raped. I was unconscious at a party, and the blind date I was set up with raped me in his frat house. I have blurry flashes of what happened, but that's it. The next morning, I had no idea what happened. He asked me to come back to his frat house with my friend, so we went. He told me he didn't want me to think he raped me, and I just agreed. Because what else was I supposed to do? I was terrified and had no idea the sex even happened. He told me I should get plan b because he didn't use a condom. So my friend and I walked to CVS and got it. It took me a while for me to actually understand what happened. I would just joke about it and never thought about it much further. But as time passed, I realized what actually happened. If I wasn't conscious, couldn't verbalize consent, and couldn't remember it the next day, I had to have been raped. Right? Some people don't believe me because I didn't tell them until months later. But I had no idea how to process it. He told me he didn't, so I believed him. I now realize he said that to cover his tracks and have me confirm he didn't. I'm an idiot. I started drinking a lot, and would only talk about it when I was drunk. So my parents don't believe it happened, just thought I was a crazy drunk. I get in my head so much about it. They make me feel invalidated like I wasn't raped. And the way I didn't realize it at the time, sometimes makes me think I wasn't - because wouldn't I know right away? It's been on my mind a lot recently, and I have been in my most depressive state. I'm not sure why it is all coming back up for me again, but it is, and I am having such a hard time.
I know this wasn't a question, but I needed to share this.
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jaynahunplugged
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That has to be so difficult to come to terms with. Think of it as a lesson learned. Don’t let yourself get into a situation like that again. There are some men you have to be careful around. Try to put it in the past and move forward. It would probably be helpful if you could talk to a therapist about it.
I disagree completely with what you said. There is no lesson to be learned as Blueruth says as this can happen under most circumstances. It is 100% the fault of the perp and HIS choice to do it. You are not to blame in any way.
Absolutely. You have no responsibility for someone else’s actions. That is victim guilt and victim shaming. Please know we are here for you and support you 💜💜💜
I honestly was not trying to shame the victim . That was not my intention. I’m not saying what happened to her was her fault at all. You’re taking what I said out of context. What I meant by what I said is she sadly knows better now. It’s not good to let yourself get drunk around a bunch of people you don’t know that well. And it might be possible that someone slipped something in her drink, we don’t know. This reminds me of how someone made a movie about sexual assault on college campuses, I believe the movie is called The Hunting Ground. I’ve never seen it but I’ve heard of it. And people have said that sadly this type of thing has gone on for a long time, it’s just that now more women are reporting it. I don’t understand why some guys are like this, they don’t respect women at all.
Ok but it did come across as saying she was partly to blame for putting herself in that position. I agree it's unwise to but we live and learn don't we.
It is still the perps fault 100% and if he wanted to do this he would have found a way somehow. It's always the perps fault as he chose to do this and women sadly can't always avoid it unless we stay locked up indoors. And who wants or should do that?
Life is for living and is not risk free and all we can do is try and think ahead and plan accordingly. I don't know about you but I am sick of hearing about women being raped, sexually assaulted, or even murdered because a few men will do this. It is unfortunately part of the society we live in and until it is taken more seriously then it will continue I'm afraid.
I am also fed up with hearing about women being somehow partially to blame because they went out on their own at night, wore certain clothing, was flirting etc. That attitude is endemic in our culture and it is so wrong.
I disagree. She is posting here for validation of how she feels and for people to understand her. Most of us have been giving her this and are supporting her. If you can't do this then what is the point of responding.
Please don't turn this post into an argument as this helps no one.
in reply to
time for peace but a time for productive argueing to discuss policies.......sure she needs hugs listners and suport....but this common problem should have been bured ages ago and people do argue over how to handle siutations and policises and so forrh
this is the adult table...arguing is fine....its not personal.....
but many of have strong feelngs about things and these repeating things need to be prevented aand discuss ways to do that and how to be of aid to victims.......normal function of adults in society..........no agreement or disagreement is personal...its relative to the issue....
not personal.........i dont agree with treatng things
i agree to get ahead of the curve into prevention.....
It's my theory that this goes beyond disrespect....many men have a deep and atavistic fear of women, and their response to this is to inflict violence, which they can do because of their larger and stronger stature.Thus rape, partner abuse, and on a more global scale repression and subjugation of women.
That being said, I appreciated that you suggested therapy, which I think would be helpful. I would even go so far as to suggest rape counseling.
or else.........its the guys who need the old fashion training....stupidist thing in the world to take out the old football coaches.....a time for nurturing....a time for coaching......how men should be men......and proper conduct...
too many boys.....not enough MEN>>>)))))))))
frat hoouses are the rich and entled set...do what they want and shows lack of leadership=in he college presidents....
gone on for years and years but any of us who say someonthign get smashed that WE are out of line....
tosh...
the college presidndts need to lock down their campuses and hang .....anyone ......and esp the frat houses.....for their beer parties and and
never go near frat houses.....
rhe total shame is the colleges and presidents....
'Put it in the past and move forward'??? No, she needs to talk to someone professional about it now and deal with her feelings. It's affecting her now and will only get worse if she doesn't. And there is no lesson to be learned. What happened is not her fault! No woman should ever be taken advantage of....
Really, really sorry. Please don't listen to anyone that says you should take any responsibility for someone else's behavior.Getting drunk... is what it is. I mean I have definitely had some drunk nights when I was young! Even a few on night stands. I don't expect or deserve to be raped. Nobody does. This is a terrible assault and you did nothing wrong. You are not stupid. I would be like shocked and trying to believe him so I wouldn't be surprised if I had the same reaction. Who expects a college mate to behave like this?
MOST men do not go around raping women. They don't try to have sex with someone unable to give consent let alone unconscious. This guy is a sick criminal. So are his frat-mates if they know and have done nothing. Unfortunately we live in a rape culture.
Repeat: His or anyone else's actions are not your responsibility. There is no "lesson" to be learned. Don't get sucked into taking any blame.
That can't be his first or last time either. I bet you were slipped something. He seems to know the drill... get her back so he can twist the story on her. Makes sure she doesn't get pregnant, having already thought of the solution.
recommend u get involved with women safty groups on campus....know the police there well, on and on..always travel in groups and so on..
recruit a mens movement on campus to take honor codes and take pride in their conduct etc...happening in some campuses but not enough and not emphatic enough....
i get in trouble with mhs as im a softie in some areas but a total hardass in this area..........our society took out mens training of
boys....
and i blame this on them...
and we hard nosed get smashed by the hand hold ing only mehs ...
they label us guardians are preditors
othe5r way around......why we dont get involved anymore....
the presidents need to grow some and lay down the law with these long standing over privaldege frat boys.........i dont rhink hthis....i know this....long long long standing problem
You should talk to a rape support/crisis team. At the very least you need a plan going forward as unaddressed you will be storing up issues that will only resurface later. You don’t want this one event to dictate the rest of your life. Help is out there if you look for it. Talking about it is the best therapy. They will also guide you on other matters such as legal action and victim support to help with your own sexual and mental health. Wishing you well.
Hi I am so sorry this happened to you and understand how you must be feeling. This is rape and is against the law. I agree again with Blueruth that he probably slipped you something in your drink. It sounds like this man has done it before and will continue to again.
I am not going to say go to the police or anything as this would be very traumatic but I would seek help with maybe a therapist as you need to process this and try and get past it.
In the meantime why not contact a local rape crisis centre? They will listen and talk to you and completely validate your feelings. Good luck.
As others said go talk to someone, rape support/ crisis team is good idea. Otherwise it will fester for years and cause you more problems down the road. What happened is not your fault!! It is his for taking advantage of you while you were incapacitated, that is rape. You were unable to give your consent. He told you he didn't use a condom and you don't remember what happened. You may want to consider legal action.I'm sorry this happened to you....
I'm so sorry. You are the victim, don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise. I'm your Age and had a panic attack at a party so i drank my meds after i was given alcohol. The guy saw me getting to my room, alone, taking meds, crying and came pretending to "check up on me" then grabbed me. I escaped but i still considered it an assault even If "there wasn't sex", "he was helping", "You were on meds". And yours is much worse than mine. I told my story not to make it about myself but to say even much less is still an assault and you're not alone and you're not guilty. Your feelings are real and valid and you need help. It's up to you to deside whether to report it to the police but at least report it to a therapist If you can. What happened to you is heartbreaking. Don't doubt yourself and don't let them gaslight you. You deserve to drink and be safe. You were raped and it's not your fault. It's his. Now you need support and understanding. Wish i could stay by your side and make sure you're okay and safe. You deserve it. Don't blame yourself for anything please. Xxx
I am beyond sorry that happened to you. You definitely were raped and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I hope you can get some help soon with this. That sounds really awful and hard. Sending you lots of hugs.
I was a victim of sexual abuse as a small child. I know it is apples and oranges as far as it relates to what happened to you. Everything said about seeing or talking to a professional about this is correct. Until you can do that, I'll offer you this advice: you were already gaslighted once, don't do it to yourself as well. I struggled with this for decades. I was told to look at it like the following. If someone relayed to you a story identical to yours where they were the victim, would you call that assault? Of course you would. You would likely do whatever you could to console that person and help them. Extend that same compassion and empathy to yourself. It's hard, I know, but you can't give in to those doubts. It's a process and it isn't easy. But you deserve better. Sending you courage and peace.
I'm so sorry you experienced this. I can't even begin to imagine what you have gone through and how you feel.
It almost sounds to me that perhaps something may have been slipped into your drink?
This is not your fault and this is not something you can just get over or forget. This is a trauma and you need help dealing with this.
I'm so sorry people close to you won't believe you. It's not unusual for a victim to keep silent.
You have some great suggestions and support within your post.
I wish you the best
🐬
ok few thngs to say...
on behalf of all REAL men......
the deepest
most profoundest *****billionth of
apologies for what happened to u
what happened was totally wrong........
all of what u say...the whole passsage ....the whole** passage typical of women who are violated compromised ....they are just words like rape....the fact is.....thats how u feel and of course ben g young ....tons of onfustionand andndna so all these argueents and junk others give u in not lstening is......just ignifance......like someone asking me the other day was Vietnam a real war??
what? same with ur case......
UUUUUUUUUU need ......deserve***** to go find support groups and counselors specialised to help u heal and discuss this talk aaout it process it........its knocking on ur door for a reason.......go find soeone plese to help u through this.....
You don't need to apologize for some of the male jerks in the world, any more than I need to apologize on behalf of all good women for the mothers who kill their children (their number is distressingly high).
So true that our friend needs some serious help, and that she should stop even trying to convince anyone who turns a deaf ear and tells her she's crazy....that's nothing more than rape of a different kind.
hear u.....saw a lot of assualt victims in hosp and raised in riding clubs....very protecive of one anohter like tight schools even thou womenand girls can handle anying
assumed in the hosp we dont care....ya well i get it if the nurss see most assualt victims......i mean how would i react afrer ten years....
anyway..
unfortunately....there are tons..of jerks
and those of us trained in riding formally....
oh we *** get nailed by women
and worse....by the mhs...
we are the bad guys because we are so square an
what??? so we** that are careful and gladly hang any jerk
no we are th bad guy s in the mhs .......
we get why women hate men....99 perent all my clients are woemn...we get it ...
the women arnt wrong......theres no
mens club trainintg like 5the clohingt store.....
used to be the service just5 ask britian
officers conduct codes in britain are .......and the n some
this countryu purged an imporatn train the useless 18 yeas old
in5o somethint useful
now so many walkingt a4rounde like total bums...pants ant t5hei r knees.....
but n our society and mhs no were the bad guys..
bull.....
our society killed the coacheas and emasculated all the men ad men sigures....figures.....now
now the women are saying....we need strong men
well u creaede a whole genra5ion of whimps.......now noo we dont liek that we want
its the women in ou4 society driving the bus an gonog from one style to anohhter driving men crazy
there are tons of jerk that in would be cleaned up real fast ...in britain.....
jerks dont last long there......and america......people are fee to do awhat they an act as they want and
who wants them as co workers ....nobody....
the old ways were right...
reliable.........RE LI ABle........either gender...
ya well mhs wants to talk about felengand and u tell ur boss about ur history and
how girls and guys used to be ......and protective....
shunned by todays society
ya well they are on their own...the young people eat u alive rude obsnoxiouis and....we take of our generation...wholesome...no fish lips,,no added equipment, ot extra padding necessary
wholesome clean cut...decent...real*** people
the Seekers.......Folk Music Icons from Australia...
or
Legends
Rightfully so
yrs truly mr hyperopninonate PIA for decency...old fashioned manners and sharing the stage.......real people u want as neibors for a lifetime........my bias....addmittedly
Brig, I loved the video. I remember how popular that song was at the time. When I watched those clean-cut kids and listened to their great harmonies I thought, "God, we were so innocent then"....there were problems, of course, but I don't recall the cynicism, the mean-spiritedness, the overall rage we deal with today.
yes ive already written the state police and our gov to re instate entrapment laws and makng things safer for the vulnerable......also pushing increased awareness of human trafficing at intersttate rest rooms....an issue brought to my attenion by some of my former students.....thankfully..
i have reminded many students and ....to be careful and usually get it thrown back in my face ....or i get into trouble.....
What an awful thing to have happen to you, none of it being your fault. You're suffering from the trauma of this event and need to get crisis counseling and therapy for it in order to heal. If you are going to university there probably are resources there for you to contact or a rape/crisis center near you. Please let us know how you are doing.
Hi Jay....you were raped.... doubt the power of your mind and the fact that the person that raped you has manipulated you into thinking that he did nothing to you. Please go and get help so you can talk about this and process all the emotions that go with this. Do not give people the power to validate what you know to be your truth. You are the most important person in your life and you deserve to honor yourself. God bless
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My sister was raped about 10 years ago she now has PTSD she is a wreck, a hollow one, nervous, no sleep, continuous break down when something quite innocently mentioned triggers off a reaction, you need help, tact and a lot of patience and quiet time, good luck jaynahunplugged👍
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