alone

[CaliBoa22]

”It’s always so hard communicating with you” is what one of my best friends who I thought understood me really well said to me earlier today. I haven’t responded, I still have no clue what to say bc if I’m being honest its a sensitive spot for me. Growing up I was always trying extra hard to explain myself n never felt understood. I always get into random arguments/fights bc I’m constantly being misunderstood so again I try extra hard to explain myself. It gets exhausting n makes me feel isolated n alone. N so I wanted to tell someone this n rant but I have no one to call lmao. I’m all alone. But the suffocating type of alone. The type where you can be relied on but can’t rely on. The type of alone where yk you have people but those people have other people they’re worrying ab n I have no one. I’m at that weird age where everyone is pairing off n creating lives. N I’m just alone standing still.( “The world keeps on spinning n I’m standing still”- the weepies.) N I don’t hate standing still I just hate that everything else keeps moving. It’s like I just need a moment to get my shit together without feeling life I’m already too late n missed everything. That fear that I’ve already missed everything n the best of my life has passed me by paralyzes me. I’m constantly stuck in this lame wheel of fear, freeze n avoid. I got therapy tmmr so don’t worry too much lmao. To make matters worse it’s my best friend I have feelings for lmaoo but that’s a whole different rant. Lmao sorry if this made no sense I’ve heard I’m not the best at communicating lmaooo Anyways how’s your night going ? Ever been in a one sided crush w your bestie ? Favorite typa cat?