Anxiety and Depression Support

71,172 members • 69,230 posts

Feeling Alone - No Real Friendships

I shouldn’t complain. I know so many people actually have no one. But I’ve always wanted a best friend I could go to for anything. I have a girlfriend and she’s great and I appreciate her and I’m grateful.

But sometimes I wish I had a true platonic friend as well. Doesn’t everyone need friendships outside their relationship? I’m such a social person. I love people.

I get depressed a lot. Sometimes it seems like for no reason. I feel like if I had someone to vent to it might help. I’ve tried therapy so many times. I always feel like they’re just trying to make their buck. My family doesn’t like to discuss any kind of unpleasant issues. So I can’t go to them.

At 35, all I’ve ever really wanted is a true friend. And I’ve yet to find one. Not just for support through the bad times. But to be there for the good ones too. I often think maybe I just made all the wrong turns in life and deserve where I am. I make mistakes all the time and maybe that’s what leads me to where I am today.

Maybe it is me. I’m not sure. Or maybe I’m supposed to find happiness just with myself and my girlfriend and our pets and just be happy with that but it’s hard sometimes.

Written by

loosecannon86

To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .

17 Replies

•

loosecannon86, to find that true friend is something we can't just wish for. It needs tohappen in it's own way. Maybe pursuing something you like to do will allow you to

meet others who enjoy the same. This could be the first step in bonding with another

and forming a friendship. I wish you well xx

Thank you!! I wish you well too! ❤️

I feel your pain. It’s totally normal to want friendship outside of your relationship. You should have as many friends as you want… I used to have a best friend. He was like a brother to me. He passed away two years ago and I really don’t have any friends anymore. As I got older my circle of friends got smaller and that was ok. Then my depression really made me push people away but I always had Joe until I didn’t. Now I don’t even know how to start a new friendship but I really really miss having friends. I too am in a relationship. He’s great but I don’t think it’s the same. And even though I’m a woman, I think how you’re feeling is pretty universal… I wish you the best. Really. Being alone and lonely is the worst. I hope you make some good and true friendships. Friends are important I think. The right kind. I wish I could go back in time…

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. That must be so so hard. I hope you hold the memories close and that you can find more true friends in the future. ❤️

I think many of us feel like you do. I have a great husband, three great adult kids and a dog I adore, yet I often feel lonely. Now l am much older than you , 56 tomorrow!. In my case all my friends scattered to different countries and counties almost 30 years ago.

I am married 27 years and never made friends here

That makes me sad often. I would love to get to know people, but people don't take to me very well

You are young. You have plenty of time to yet make friends.

Don't blame yourself for past mistakes. We all make mistakes. Look forward, not back

Thank you so much for your kind words. It’s never too late. You just haven’t met the right people yet! ❤️

Thank you

It's a tricky business, besties and girlfriends.

It's rare that 'best friends' last lifelong, especially if you don't stay in the same place for much of your life. I have moved around a lot, so, for me 'besties' have changed, and sometimes been a disappointment, and, at least on one occasion become an enemy.

It is great to have a best friend, with whom to spend time, chat about mutual interests and just mess around with, a solid, non threatening friendship. Yet when a girlfriend or boyfriend gets into the mix, things change. Its the 'two's company, three's a crowd' scenario, one or the other will resent the time spent with you by the other, and one or both will leave the relationship.

Sometimes it will be you leaving while they get together, unless you can keep the two relationships apart.

I'm not trying to put you off, but a girlfriend is likely to want to be the centre of your life, and be at the least mildly jealous of your best friend, and it takes a very strong relationship and mutual trust for it to survive.

There is no reason why your girlfriend cannot be your best friend, unless you have wildly different interests. That is after all what a good marriage is based on, and I hope I'm not jumping the gun here, but in UK, the marriage service contains words to the effect of 'Will you live with this person and not look elsewhere to the end of your days' (paraphrasing) and it means putting the wife or husband first, last and always, 'Forsaking all others' also means the best friends in most cases, unless the girlfriend is happy.

It's a juggling act, on the high wire and you must negotiate it blindfolded!

Good Luck!

Cheers, Midori

Thank you for your advice! ❤️

Man to man, NEVER center your ENTIRE world around your woman - wife or girlfriend - even if they demand it. I have found women are highly unlikely to reciprocate this and with the divorce rate sky high at 60% (statistics show as high as 40% of these are initiated by the female) there is a high chance if you do so you will find yourself completely alone and without friends if you make her the complete center of your world. Maintain old friendships and try to make new ones based on your hobbies is a good start. Be highly suspicious of ladies that advise you to do what this person just told you to do - that is not a relationship that is codependency.

I’m 62, when I was younger friends were more important. But after I got married and had kids , I drifted away from friends. My family is my priority and friends don’t fit in the schedule much. Now I have grown kids and grandkids that take my time. I haven’t wanted or needed a friend. Many people with families feel the same. I was always kind of a loner anyway. Daily cardio exercise to produce endorphins and make you feel better. And proper sleep and your girl and pet is good. A friend is harder to come by for some of us I guess.

That is very true it is hard to come by.

I hear you. It’s tough. I wish for the same in my life. As an only child, I get saddened around holidays and when I see people reach out to their siblings or friends when something exciting happens. When something exciting happens to me, I feel like people brush it off and don’t care so I end up minimizing it and reducing it to a freak occurrence. The work day feels so long and it feels lonely sometimes. Sometimes my partner just doesn’t get me and I don’t want to dump everything on him too. One of the commenters mentioned that we can’t just wish for this and that it takes time to happen. It just used to be so much easier when you were younger to meet people but as you get older with work and responsibilities, it’s so hard. I guess taking in someone’s suggestion below to try out new activities or join a club might help

It really does get harder as you get older. I don’t think it’s impossible though! I hope that you find a good friend to share your joys with. ❤️