No matter where I am or what I do, i feel utterly alone.. ..
in my dreams i dream of a romantic relationship. One where i lean on, I'll be able to not be judge in.
One that would hug me and tell me that everything will be alright.
that wouldn't see the mess that i am, but be able to see the person beneath all that.
i just want to feel loved unconsitiounally. Without the fear of being a lost cause who everybody leaves once get too close and see me for who i am...
I’m sorry you feel so alone. I miss someone I fell for years ago who’s married. I still think about him sometimes.
I also don't feel like anyone would be able to be attracted to me. I feel ugly and undesirable. I'm fat and have a weird crooked nose. Also have Psoriasis all over body.I just feel like I'm 100% unlovable in that way.
Why would anyone settle for me? No one will choose me because 'I'm the one'. Only as a compromise.
I know it won't be easy but try and lose weight and boost your confidence generally you're only as ugly as you see yourself. People will warm to you if you start to look after yourself. Ugliness is inside not outside of a person. Love yourself more. But take it one day at a time.
I am not sure this is helpful right now because you are so depressed, but I will say it anyway. It is possible to lose weight and there are also medical treatments for psoriasis. Before you can deal with your physical problems, however, I think you need to deal with your depression. Can you find a psychiatrist and also consider taking anti depressants. This might give you enough hope to deal with the physical issues.
I wish i could just be lovable. As i am right now. Not some future fantasy
Feeling alone is one of the hardest things. Hope things look up for you
I understand very well. Someone will love you. Just have to start being nicer to yourself ❤️
I have felt like this before, and I managed to find someone special. Lonleyness is incredibly hard to deal with.
Depression also.
I'd can and will get better though, know your feelings are temporary, even though they don't feel like it.
Medication does help, sometimes even if it's just enough to help you help yourself more.
There are lots of types, so if one or two having worked there are lots of other options.
Hope you feel better, you are loved xx
As crazy as it sounds, you have to love yourself first then you will attract the partner you need. You are treating yourself very harshly, you are not unloveable. You are a child of the universe who has to see his own beauty within. I used to feel like you when i was young & i wasted many years hating myself. Have you read the book by Louise Hay ' YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE'. This will help you to start being kind and loving yourself. Unfortunately no body loves us unconditonally only our parents if they were good enough parents. Begin your journey now on learning to love your self unconditionally. Look on Youtube, lots of info there. In the mean time do the Self Havening technique by Robin Youngston also on Youtube. This will help when your lonely, i do it myself since my mother died because i cry so much cos i miss her. its like having a pair of arms around you. Today decide never to say an unkind word about yourself, if you had a pet or a small child you would never speak to them as you speak to yourself would you. Remember Love starts within for oneself and then shines out like a beacon attracting more love. I wish you well.
Well said..bang on!!!
You can love yourself unconditionally all you want but if you have a host of problems that would be a burden on any new partner it GREATLY reduces the chance of even meeting someone that will stick around past 3 dates once they see all that. This "oh you must love yourself first" mumbo jumbo only applies to the average person. For example, as a man I can tell you 100% that if you are disabled and unable to work - no woman is going to come near you.
The only woman that would come near that is one that has even WORSE problems - so then you have two people with terrible problems just making their burdens worse because I can also tell you from personal experience - two people coming together that have many, many problems (and I mean permanent problems that will not go away) is not a love fest of burden-support. It's 2 boat anchors instead of one and the woman usually keeps expecting the man to act with "traditional" male values and shoulder all that extra burden. What is it women love to say - oh yes - be a REAL man! Where have all the good men gone? Etc, etc. but I digress. The whole if you love yourself unconditionally you will some how put that "energy" out in the world and it will magically attract the one for you is BS and those of us that have these problems know this.
This is a slight remix of a song from a man who felt like most of us still do , I said remix as I changed it slightly & anyone may add to it to make it even more relevant... here goes.
" You are alone ,
this group is here for you .
Even though we all live miles apart
We know what goes on in your heart "
If you want all those things you dream about then you need to do some hard work on urself!!! We can only talk of our own experiences & even though different things happened to us , we all suffered the same way & we can understand exactly what you mean as we've been there , or about half way through it or just the start.
U need to stop the self hate & the I don't care , Why u ask cuz if U don't care about U then why should anyone else bother. If U can't love urself why would anyone else bother if you only display the negative to all !! Once U love U & treat urself as a human being & show the true u then maybe u will get that chance again BUT IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU !!!
Now in this group there are so many great wonderful & beautiful souls ❤️ both men & women as we can relate & we can chat when we have bad days & those days will happen & honestly I still get bad days & I can come on here & share my hates & my fears & even my joys & I will get messages of support & a reminder it's OK & it helps me so much & I don't say it enough to those in this group how they're important to me as part of my online family & it's free therapy to a degree BUT ANY MEDICATION NEEDS TO BE PRESCRIBED BY A PROFESSIONAL .... NEVER take medical advice on here even though its ment with the best of intentions, each of us have individual & unique medical needs & ur Doctor will know ur history.
So when ur ready to start working on urself there are so many wonderful ppl here ready to support & help guideU to the best U .
Well, we are alone...physically. However, we share love, even with people we don't know when we feel empathy or lend a helping hand. Unconditional love is that of a parent and child.
All adults in relationships have conditions for the relationship because each person wants to receive love and feel the love will always be there. It also requires joy.
Life is an adventure and requires us to take risks to meet our wants and needs. In this case you want a companion. Maybe joining a "Meetup" group or other activity where you can meet new people with similar interests will lead to something more. Perhaps you need to lift the veil a bit on your outlook on life. A loving relationship is about reciprocation and enjoying each other. Being happy with yourself makes others want to be with you and means you have something to offer to make someone else happy.
You will get there. It may be just figuring out how to meet more people with similar interests or it may also include self reflection and therapy to improve you relationship with yourself and your outlook on life. Either way, it takes some work and creative thinking.
Good luck.
well said
You can love yourself unconditionally all you want but if you have a host of problems that would be a burden on any new partner it GREATLY reduces the chance of even meeting someone that will stick around past 3 dates once they see all that. This "oh you must love yourself first" mumbo jumbo only applies to the average person. For example, as a man I can tell you 100% that if you are disabled and unable to work (or your work is considered of low status/pay) - no woman is going to come near you. This is a uniquely male problem as men generally don't care what job a woman has so long as there finances don't present a risk.
The only woman that would come near this man is one that has even WORSE problems - so then you have two people with terrible problems just making their burdens worse because I can also tell you from personal experience - two people coming together that have many, many problems (and I mean permanent problems that will not go away and can not be therapied - physically or mentally - away) is not a love fest of burden-support.
It's 2 boat anchors instead of one and the woman usually keeps expecting the man to act with "traditional" male values and shoulder all that extra burden. What is it women love to say - oh yes - be a REAL man! Where have all the good men gone? Etc, etc. but I digress. The whole if you love yourself unconditionally you will some how put that "energy" out in the world and it will magically attract the one for you is BS and those of us that have these problems know this. Self-love is not going to cure any of that for a man. Negative? You bet, but people with our problems - such as the disabled - know very well that romantic love is an illusion built on a Jenga puzzle of conditions that can crash down any moment you have severe ill fortune. So enjoy it while you have it but pray to whatever Gods you believe in that you don't become disabled as a man. The reality is money is at the root of all of that.
I see your position and a I think there is a large part of of humanity that behaves this way. However, I never said to love yourself unconditionally and a wonderful relationship will follow. I said it takes work to learn to love yourself and by that, I meant that you must forgive yourself for your self perceived inadequacies and shortcomings to allow more room for love. I also said that exposing yourself to more people with similar interests may increase your chances of finding people to spend time with...no promises of lifelong love or soulmates.
It's about being honest with yourself and not blaming the world. I don't know what your circumstances are but I have known people with severe disabilities who pushed themselves to be outgoing and to meet people and it paid off. It isn't easy and your dream partner may not be the person you befriend or fall in love with but after a certain number of years on this planet, we know the scoop and need to give people who may not attract us initially have a chance to get to know us and then decide how they fit into our lives.
You seem angry and frustrated and I cannot understand from your point of view but I can say that working toward feeling good about yourself leads to presenting a positive attitude which makes a huge difference in people's perception of who we are. Perhaps you will find someone who you cannot live without and who loves you as much, just not where or who you are imaging.
I wish you all the best.
Thanks for your response. I hope you don't think I was angry at you. Reading my comment back I can see where one might get that impression. No, I am not angry at you but you are correct - I am frustrated and angry about these things really for many reasons which would be a long story. Becoming disabled at 45 destroyed a quite good life that I had - I am 51 now. For now, I am choosing to focus on just trying to make friends in general - period. Pretty much given up on any notion of finding a relationship. If it happens under the right conditions that's fine - but I'm not going to subject myself to the pain of looking for a needle in a haystack especially when the game is so stacked against me. With that said if you ever want to exchange stories just let me know. I suppose we could do that via messaging or something. Everyone on here has a story I am sure or we wouldn't be here would we? 
I felt you were angry and you have a right to be. It did seem like it was being misdirected. Anger and frustration is a reasonable response to what it sounds like you have gone through. It's just a matter of how long we hold onto that.
I am glad to talk with you via messaging, though I won't always get back to you right away. If you are okay with that, please message me, so we can exchange stories.
Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.
u know u feel alone and need others' reassurance only when u don't love yourself.so once u start loving yourself u feel content with yourself and u will enjoy this solitary and embrace it and feel grateful for yourself and the universe and when that happens u care for yourself and love too and it gives a natural inner glow to yourself and changes ur demeanor and others too notice your attitude towards yourself and feel attracted to you.
and beauty depends on the character and attitude u possess.
have you ever noticed people who are beautiful according to social standards with a shitty personality attract people and have a good time?
I don't know how to love myself, or even how it's supposed to feel.
Umm, I've seen loads of physically beautiful people get away with murder - almost literally and still have the crappiest personality. They get taught to be this way from birth because they know the special treatments and exceptions they get from their beauty. I've also seen loads of unattractive people get walked all over - not because they "allow" them to - but because people can be real jerks.
starting to notice and find good things about yourself and good things you did or the compliments u got will also helps loving urself is a process where u try and try to love but may not do but the process goes on but one day when you look in the mirror suddenly u feel this unknown tingly feeling and u just love yourself and laugh at yourself that knowing it was u all along u didn't change but just the way u look at yourself and the way u feel about yourself changed and u feel good really good about yourself and feel grateful too.. that was how it happened for me.
i was literally bullied bcoz of my face color and the way i look in childhood and it made me hate myself and i felt it sometimes when i look in mirror too like why did i even born if i had to be born ugly, those thoughts and these words others put in you ,, and some thoughts which u yourself kept in your mind...
1. notice everything good or bad things about u, r they really bad or do u think like that bcoz ur surrounding people feel or said to u and have a refined filter for every thought or thing that comes to mind, know that its just how others feel you dont have to judge yourself like that according to their standards.
2. u need to get rid of those negative thoughts by changing them to something kind and good.
3. do the things u always wanted to do or like to do but couldnt do it, doings things u always put off coz u didnt feel confident or avoid just bcoz of some prejudice will help you rewire your thoughts.
4. u know having things u love and doing them is also a way of loving urself.
5. be a reaally good self forgiver , u r still new and you r bound to feel like an imposter or low about yourself but its ok its a part of the process.
6. u r kind of parenting yourself here u know taking care of yourself and sometimes being strict and being kind, loving, communicating with urself has why u feel what u feel and encouraging urself to be lil more confident in yourself.
7. and telling urself its okay and move on.
8. sometimes u really feel like a child an unknown excitement like ur inner child is so happy that it makes u jump or do some crazy things, it feels like a mood swing but it is a process too enjoy it.
9. dont be too serious be free no need to carry the baggage of the judgments of the world or urs too just feel free to go on.
10. u may get angry at yourself and want to throw away everything feeling is it even worth it or am i even worth this trouble, its ok bcoz u are worthy and you are worth the trouble.
11. later u find self-respect it grows and grows and u see everything around you in a mature way for wat it was and how it affected you, bcoz of it u may have let go of some toxic relationships its okay but know that it is essential for your growth and nothing is more important than self-respect sometimes not even you.
12. have fun and enjoy your own company and this completeness u feel yet there is more to life and this imperfect you. and dont forget to dream.
13. it is a really slow and steady process u may stumble in some situations and may lose your way but know that its okay to pick up where u left off or start again and again till u feel complete to the way u want to feel.
i am no expert i just said these according to my experience and thoughts of how i shuld have done but everyone's journey is different and their life is also different so you have to adapt according to your situation and read or see other videos too there is so much to know out there, knowing abt others journey will help us to see ours in a new perspective and may give you some guidance or new ideas as to what more can u do for yourself.
Well done, what you have said will help alot of people here who dont love them selves. I believe we come to this planet purely to learn to love ourselves and see how wonderful we are. Then our illness, depressions, anxieties will slip away. You are a beacon of light, keep shinning.
thank you so much but i don't know if anxiety and depression will slip away that easily but if u love yourself at least u don't suffer internally(even though u suffer u don't blame yourself) when there are external pressures or external abuse then u stand for urself and give hope to yourself to a certain extent right.
coz i have no faith in myself when it comes to some things and i am anxious and full of fear and insecurities even though i love myself, but bcoz of that i think i run away instead of any suffering sometimes to protect myself.
I am so sorry that you are feeling so alone. You are not alone! We are here for you anytime you need to vent or just reach out. I'm in a happy relationship and sometimes I still feel lonely. I try to volunteer at my local nursing home and that makes me feel a lot better. Sending you a hug!
I feel so alone
I lost everything important to me and i feel completely alone.
I am so alone
I'm new here but now I don't feel so alone.
I feel trapped
