Hi guys , I just created this account today as maybe someone can help me. As it's not a nice feeling to have regularly.
When ever I speak , this usually happens to girls I talk, smile and flirt for the first 20 seconds. And they all smile back and show interest as I have been called attractive a lot off times. I'm 25(I'm 6foot 2) muscular , big guy. Back In primary school I was mocked for being very fat.
So for the first 20 seconds everything is all good. And then all off a sudden their is this stiffness to my face . My face all off a sudden drops , I can't smile . And when I talk now it's weird cause I was all happy 20 seconds ago. And now I'm this angry / serious guy. Inside off me I'm happy but for some fucking reason my face tightens so much. It would have been good if this happens only for new people I met . Wrong .
This happens all the time with family members as well , not sure if they notice as well. And that's why I avoid these types off family reunions as I know it will happen. And I will fill bad. As it just produces this awkwardness . I'm happy , smiling, talking 1 on 1 then all off a sudden my face all tightens up and makes the person fill uncomfortable. No idea what is it .
And to sum it up , when my MUM came back from holidays , off course I was over the moon when she came back. I love my mum. But it happened to me as well. When I was waiting for her on the airport arrivals their is this joy off seeing my mum inside me , when she saw me and she smiled and hugged me for some reason my face tightens so much and I can't smile to show my emotion. Not sure why ? People will say i Have fear off people looking at me ? Fuck the croud. I don't care about them. Honestly I'm not sure why this is ? I'm very shy even to my own mum ??
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CharliePalmer
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that’s crazy!! The same thing happens to me!! And then somebody will ask me a question and I hesitate to answer.. I believe it’s the depression! If one more person tells me “smile, it’s not that bad” I’m gonna smack them😂😂 I’m an attractive woman but I have a very hard time holding somebodies attention for very long because of it🤦🏻♀️ I just look at it like…. If they can get past that part.. those are the ones worth talking to😊
The funny thing is , say I'm talking to a 10/10 girl . And my face tenses . Okay I accept thats normal. But sometimes that tension never happens. And then I'm thinking why hasn't my face done it already. But then again the thing is I also get shy / and my face tenses when I interact with ugly girls 3/10 😂. So in their mind they're oh shit he is getting shy with me. Let me have a shot. But fuck no. it happens so randomly, but what upsets me its that when I'm talking with my mum it also sometimes happens
lol maybe when that happens turn around and walk away for a second… or wear sunglasses. Maybe it’s a nerve issue… but don’t concentrate on it so much… concentrate on something else.. like maybe the convo at hand. Or as soon as you notice it, think of something really funny. It sounds to me like you have anxiety. Well you can be in my boat I’m about an 8/10 and still single because nobody thinks I’m friendly because of my face 😂🥹🤦🏻♀️
The thing with cracking a joke just after my face starts to tense , even if the joke was funny and the girl laughs. I can't. Cause when I mean my jaw, cheekbones tense it's Hella tense , looks like I'm pissed or angry. So if I make a joke and don't laugh or at least smile after I said it. It's just awkward. But IL take your advice. Next time my face starts to tense up IL just walk away then😂😁
Have you had your nerves tested? You’ve got this! Just don’t concentrate on that fact. Try to stay in the moment. Have you spoken to a counseler or psychologist? Maybe you have underlying issues. I know I have all kinds of issues..😂 but for some reason my smile is at the top. I chalk it up to depression. If it only happens with females maybe it’s anxiety.
I didn't know you can get your nerves tested, I haven't spoken to know one about it yet just cause in my mind I say it's gonna go , but it never does. I mean yea 98% off the time is female. I remember when I was in primary my face started to tighten when they guys in my clase use to call me names , fat pig ect. But I mean stuff like that I doubt that was the start off it but who know cause now I'm a big guy, muscular so I don't worry about those childhood memories. But one thing is for sure every time someone use to call me fat It's like they use to take a little piece off me. And that's when I started to be quiet.
it sounds to me that you do have a lot of underlying mental anger.. you say it dosnt bother you but maybe you should talk to somebody about it. Can’t hurt.
But I mean let's see how it goes , hopefully something improves. Obv when ever I speak to my dad about it he just says man up. Which I guess it's true , but I can't control my face tension and shyness . I can't. Would give anything to be just a little ugly but with mad confidence. But yea. That's life , hopefully something changes in me cause with all good looks ect but got this anxiety problem. Gonna be single for life by the looks of things.
I'm not sure. The way you describe it sounds like an uncontrollable physical reaction. I personally like to rule out any physical health conditions before going down the mental health route, unless the person is absolutely sure it's a mental health condition. I've met too many people who were misdiagnosed with mental health conditions when they've lived with physical medical conditions that required treatment.
If it's not debilitating, you could always ask about it at your next physical. I save all my health questions that aren't life threatening for my annuals.
The reality of social anxiety is that we think people are constantly judging us when in reality they are so absorbed in their own thoughts and stuff to pay much if any attention to us. You may have experienced an incident in the past when you were young that made you self-conscious about it or you may have been teased or bullied as a kid which has made you hypersensitive and you are now blowing things totally out of proportion.
My suggestion is to see if you can find a therapist that specializes in treating social anxiety, they will typically ise group and exposure therapy and teach you new ways of perceiving yourself and others. If there isn't one near you there are online programs available, you might check out Sebastiaan at Social Anxiety Solutions, he has a good program and info. There is also a lot of good info on youtube you can check out,
Another thing to consider is many of us with social anxiety suffer with low self-worth and an inability to validate and be compassionate with ourselves. There is a lot of good info on youtube also about how to improve that for yourself. Learning to let go of caring what others think of you is the path to freedom.
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