Mistakes, regrets. I don't know what is real. I'm tired and not adequate. Trying to not make more mistakes. Mistakes and regrets

[Against_the_current]

These days, this month, i have been really tired. I slept all day, waking up at night. Home i can't stop sleeping. Sis wanted to study, i wasn't able so i fell asleep. I feel bad because I was complaining of mom drinking and so and actually she prepared food for me here. I feel like maybe she isn't that bad and im a bad daughter to feel bad about her. Today am going back to my accommodation, idk how i will take care of myself. Feeling sad that sis and mom won't be here, no prepared food, tiny place, and Physical education for 3 days for 6 hours, group sports. I won't survive this. My unimates didn't care, they just assigned me there because I overslept signing in for classes. Tried to talk, they were hostile.

Talking of sport - I feel so damn bad i didn't cancel my gym card last month to save money. I have no energy, i went once. Totally wasted money. Thinking about going now to the spa there after the intense PE to recover but scared if i should freeze my card before that so i don't get charged for another month. I have some compulsive desire to buy things , especially that when dad was still with us, he didn't let me buy anything. And also i heard Netflix is stopping shared passwords and I need my savings if me and sis want to watch. And my savings because im graduating and i won't be getting more scholarships. And i wanted to find myself a place to live, buy an apartment. Also trying to prepare if something happens. And grandpa needs a med this cost. I feel so bad.

I got that Instagram dm for ambassadors for jewelry but has to pay shipping. Does anyone know if it's legit or scam?

I also feel bad because i came to my homecity, to my GP, went to her, was alone, was the perfect time to ask for my Clonasepam receipt and i forgot

[SoporRose]

People are complicated. Your mom loves you in her way and you're right to be grateful for what she does for you, to love her back, to appreciate being cared for, and still be aware that her drinking and manipulation are harmful to you. If you tell your mom how much it mattered to you that she did nice things for you, that her care helped you, that you love — if you positively reinforce her more normal behaviours — she's more likely to repeat them. That doesn't mean you have to pretend the problems don't exist.

Eighteen hours of PE in three days? That's insane, except for athletes . It would have done me in, even at your age. I don't know what to say about this. Let us know if how you manage!

Learning to manage money when you don't have enough is very difficult. And I know nothing about the IG, but if you have to pay for anything, it's probably a scam.

I'm really glad your visit home seemed to have given you something of a break. Keep letting us know how you are.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks. You bring me ease. Yeah, it's too much hours. And thanks for advice

[DropOfSunshine]

Hi against_the_current i know what it feels like to feel guilty about saying something negative about your mom... or feeling like a bad daughter. Our parents are people and people are flawed, some more than others, but we all need to vent sometimes. You needed to vent about things that bother you. That doesnt mean she cant be a good mom or a good person, or that you cant appreciate the good stuff. Venting once in a while doesnt mean you re a bad daughter. Its all about balance I guess. Being able to see the good stuff in our family while also setting bounderies and letting off steam when you need to. Going back to your uni appartment after being with family can feel lonely... you re also not alone in that i think its quite common.

If someone dms you asking you for money, i think its usually a scam

The gym card thing is done now... my therapist always tells me to focus on "what can we do now?". Can you get a part time job to save up some extra money? Or cancel the gym card now and find more affordable sport activities?

Maybe you can call your GP to ask her to email the prescription?

good luck a lot of what you wrote in your post feels relatable to me, you are not the only one out there going through this kind of experience its normal to feel anxious when things are rocky with parents and you re also far away

[SoporRose]

I just want to check in and ask how you are doing. Did you get back to your apartment?

Ruth

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks for checking in. Yeah, im back. Im having compiling anxiety and no matter what i do it's there. Took a shower, drank tea, ate, took meds. Im scared if this anxiety is intuition about home. Mom texted me and dissapeared at 5pm. It's too early to be that drunk asleep. Im worried

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Have you been able to reach your sister? Is she the one who told you your mom disappreared? That is scary.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

No, i mean, i texted mom and no response. That dissapeared not physically

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I see! Sorry: I can take things too literally sometimes.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

It's okay