I don't know whether it's my mental health worsening the physical or physical worsening the mental. I just know my head hurts like hell, im dizzy, nauseous and can't stop crying. And can't focus. I dissociate. I can't understand words and can't navigate myself. I just started final semester and classes are really intense. We have 4 choosable subjects and i chose 2 and went to them and now my unimates tell me I didn't sign myself fast enough and am transitted to the other subjects. One is on my sister's birthday. And the teachers already knew me and expected an exam from me. I was at class yesterday and mom and grandma texted me grandma is in hospital in my city and i should go visit her. I told them im at class but they insisted. I went to see grandma and was about to puke the whole time, holding my tears cause grandma would go "oh no, i bothered you with myself, oh no, silly me". Like shut up. Please shut up. I went home and fainted when it was finally safe to faint. I woke up at 3 am and stayed up all night cause I just can't sleep at night. Then i was laying in bed with the big Pokémon plushie i bought for my sister and I couldn't do anything. I eventually fell asleep from not being able to do anything. Had about 50 nightmares about mom. I was falling asleep and waking up, thinking im at home. I saw the pink plushie in front of me and thought it was mom's shirt. I had to look around to remember im not home. Terrible nightmares about mom. I finally woke up, it's dark outside. I had a dispute in the class chat. Everyone against me.
People can't understand im not okay
-mom wanted me to visit grandma even though i was in class and feeling unwell and im the bad guy for feeling unwell ("i can't give you a single task without you faking being ill")
- my class dissed me, not caring im not okay, it's my sister's birthday then, even those who told me "speak up, the lists are favoured" didn't defend me. Those aren't psychologists, those are wolves
-dad wasn't picking up the phone and he is the only one i could ask what to do with my headache
-the landlord doesn't care the water here is polluted
I just need a damn compassion and understanding.
Who cares i was smart, every Institution i walked in, chewed me up and spitted me out. I used to have brain, now my brain is diseased
And don't say go to the doctor. I would if i could. Also i need some compassion. Idk whether it's my mental health or physical. But im dying because this place is cruel
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Against_the_current
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I can't believe your mom insisted you go see your grandmother while you were supposed to be in class and then said something so cruel to you afterwards. Well, I can and do believe it, but her behaviour is outrageous.
I am so sorry your grandmother is ill and hospitalized. That *is* worrisome.
When I was in college, a billion years ago, the housing office had advice for dealing with landlords. Aren't there laws about landlords maintaining safe conditions for tenants? What does your roommate say about the water?
I hope you can see your sister this weekend and do something to celebrate her birthday, something you'll both enjoy. The plushie sounds like a great present for her.
I don't know. Im finishing but idk when. Grandma got out. Tbh she's better than me. My roommate has no problems with the water but this dude would eat anything tbh. Sis is at school till late and then to a school event. Wondering whether to get dad to drive me home and arrive together with him or let him be there but probably he won't go even if he's not driving me idk. I texted sis, waiting for her to tell me if she wants me and how to travel. Probably im gonna make it for one night, too triggered by mom's drinking
Well, I’m glad your grandmother was released, for her sake and yours.
About the water:,I don’t know if this would work, but could you send the landlord a message saying that the water is foul (give some evidence. Is it brown or yellow? Does it taste like rust or dirt or chlorine? What effect does it have on you — headaches, stomach problems?) and then say something sympathetic (“I know you’re very busy…”) followed by something that might make him want to help (“and I also know you care about about your tenants …” — it doesn’t matter if it’s true; as you know from your studies, most people want to be seen as decent people and if you mirror that version to them, they’ll often try to act like that image), and then propose a solution that requires no effort on his part: “so I’d like to buy a water pitcher with a filter, which will cost (find out what it will cost and put that here) and then deduct that amount from my rent.” The filters usually have to be changed every few months, but should be cheaper than buying bottled water. Also, you won’t have to stack the water in your room. You should decide if you’re willing to share the water from the pitcher with your flat mate and if so, ask him to pitch in for new filters.
Did you get something worked out with your sister? And staying only one night is reasonable. You definitely do not need to be there longer than that.
It's the mental that turns the physical symptoms. You're trying so hard to do so much. Why do you have so many dreams about your mom are you missing her back home from college and is there a way that you could check in with her daily for the betterment of your subconscious? Your subconscious which is presented the most in our dreams wouldn't yearn for her so much if you could check in with her, or meditate on her with affirmation thoughts like my mom is at peace she wants the best for me I'm doing good works by trying to go to college etc... Have you done meditation with positive affirmations......because this is a game changer! Must be done nearly everday though.....even if your mom isn't too receptive to your mental health experience at least you know you're doing a check-in for your own brain health... I can't believe your family insisted you go see your grandma either even though if something happened to her you would have been blessed and felt good by taking that time out for her but for somebody who's in college their workload is something that the regular human who is never experienced college cannot understand and your family should not have expected this of you but simply might have mentioned it or just offered if you have the time to go. I have a daughter in college and I'm constantly defending her position to others and even to herself reminding her that her case load is huge right now and that she's making sacrifices in her life to accomplish this educational Journey. I wish you also had that support. don't be so hard on yourself in regards to the way your classmates respond to you they're not going to get your mental health situation and when you kind of accept that nobody who's walked that path or walked in those shoes before won't likely be compassionate to you. Take a step back from their comments and just focus on the main task of the work and don't take what they say personal. another thing that helped me on my mental health journey is acceptance you have to accept that you have a mental health condition I am assuming potentially from your post that you do have a mental health disorder and once you accept that and learn that you have to care for yourself in a different way, walk a slightly different path than others, and embrace your unique needs things get easier a lot easier in the mental health Journey. for example I used to have a lot of symptoms like wanting to pass out or needing to pass out our heart rhythm is that I could feel in my chest nausea panic and somebody who said to me once he would PTSD yourself you're not accepting this and as soon as I really started to accept that I had a psychological disorder and started to work from a perspective that this is a mental health illness that is stemming from my brain and thoughts I was able to start controlling my physical symptoms successfully for caring for my mental health or brain health. there's a lot of good books out there that teaches why the brain behaves this way in response to our thoughts and the stresses and pressures we put on ourselves. You're okay you're just haven't figured out how to manage this completely with your normal busy life. Reach out to me if you have more questions I hope this was helpful.
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