Does anybody know, in case any parent reads this, why is there a certain kind of favouritism of parents towards one kid when both are of the same parents? I don't know if it is the same with everyone and honestly, I don't want to know because everybody will say that they don't favour one kid and they love all their kids equally but deep down inside, everyone knows the reality, no matter whether you accept it or not.
I guess the reason is that parents want to give wings to their children but they are afraid of their flight. They want to keep hold of everything their child does and this overprotectiveness leads to the suffocation.
Just because you call them out for their wrong doings, you are the one who deserves all the hatred, curses and you are the family-breaker.
F*** this shit man!
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God-sFavourite
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No. These aren't completely connected to each other but at most times, they are. I won't say that favouritism is the main cause of mistreatment that I'm facing, however it is one of the cause.
I was the target child. I had 7 siblings. I dared to step away from the dysfunction so I became the black sheep.
I live by this.... I will remember and recover, not forgive and forget. I feel very comfortable with this. I'm not forgiving someone that damaged me. I'm at peace.
You ask a question, then say you don’t want to know. You already had an answer. Were you accused of being a family breaker because you voiced your feelings? I’d be upset, too. My parents were controlling until the day I left. I’m not giving them a pass, but in time what worked for me was to understand why they did what they did. I forgave, but I didn’t forget, because it was a life lesson I didn’t want to perpetuate.
I think even I'll walk on the same path as you in the future. I'll forgive not forget, I'll leave yet being connected by all means. I'm young, my parents are aging, they have a lot of stress at their respective work places which directly or indirectly, knowingly and sometimes unknowingly, intentionally and unintentionally, they put it on me and my sibling (on each other too).
The problem here is that i understand what they are going through and their respective reactions but they don't and as far as I have observed, they don't even want to.
They consider everything 'normal' and say that it is part of every family however, there is a certain difference in negativity, stress, arguements, toxicity and discussions which they completely dismiss.
Most of the times, my younger sister is spared. Her word is considered as important as the word carved on a piece of wall. Whatever she will say will be in the best of the opinion (but only till the time she is speaking in their favour. The moment it is the opposite, I'm the one who has to be blamed for it.)
Everything bad that happens is because of me. If my sister is responding back, I have made her like that. I'm the one who is responsible for messed up relationships in the family as I speak (just because I voice my opinions based on the right and wrong and not on my personal convenience).
I understand. My younger brother was the favored one. I never resented him, though. He was a child and as he aged he didn’t knowingly take advantage of the fact. We can understand other peoples behavior, but even so, it’s difficult to deal with it. You do have insight and with that insight, you have options and solutions. They may not happen overnight, but they will happen with your determination.
I and my sister, we love each other unconditionally. Earlier, unknowingly, she used to take an undue advantage of the situation being a child but as she begun to grow, her thoughts developed, she started to analysis things and now she speaks up for herself. As she does that, apparently, it is me, who has been a bad influence on her which has led to her changing behaviour.
It's not that i haven't tried taking the high road, it just doesn't work. They know my trigger points and purposely attack me there so as to make me come under the bad book of my own self at the end. And then, never-ending arguements which turn into massive fights and i get called up names and get thrashed badly!
I think a lot of has to do with personality types, that a parent relates more easily to one child over another because of their personalities and common interests. I know my father never could understand or relate to me nor could I to him because we had totally different interests and views about life. He was also a crappy parent because he didn't even try to become a better version of himself and be a better parent. The reality is that it wasn't about you, it's about them and their shortcomings and it's not your fault.
Some people can't see their own issues. They don't think they need help.
My thoughts have always been... I thank my mother for teaching me how NOT to be a parent. I broke the cycle. The only one of 8 kids that could do it. I'm proud of that
Maybe. It maybe about the different personality as at the end we all are different in some or the other way. But, one must have an attitude of acceptance, accepting the differences within each other.
Lately, I have started to realise that it is more about liking and disliking at a personal level.
Years ago, my father was an abusive partner along with his family. My parents had a very troubled marriage. We were really poor financially. So there was and is, an obvious stress in the family. As a result, it transformed my mother to some extent but still, we were a loving family.
I still don't understand how and when things started to get off the road.
Till the time, I was the only child, I was loved. When my sister came, the love was divided. With passing time, we realised that most of the visible traits of my sister are related to my mother and I, am a mixture of both.
So when I'm doing something that is ok with my mother, I'm her child but when it's the other way around, I'm my father's child. The latter meaning that I am the most idiot, stupid, mentally unstable, heartless, emotionless, careless being (etc) and this has been going since childhood.
When my sister cries, she is sad. When I cry (which I usually don't, in front of them), I'm shedding crocodile tears.
We've had a lot of arguements about everything that is in my mind but then, when I get to know how much misconceptions they have built inside regarding me, it breaks my heart.
True, at least Indian parents favours one child over other on so many pretext.i suffered this and I now I hate my parents bcos I tried my best to make their lives better but they are now against me making gang with my younger siblings
In my opinion, hatred is not the answer to anything.
If you start hating on something or someone, you are pouring in negativity within yourself only. What is the difference between you and them then?
We deserve the right to correct someone ONLY if we aren't following the same or related path as them.
Also, family planning depends on various factors, especially in an Indian household. I think having atleast one sibling is better. You have an immediate friend by your own side 😆😛
Every home is different in a way. I'm glad that you didn't have to suffer discrimination by your own parents.
I understand you’re thinking about favoritism. I was the youngest in my family and it probably seemed to older siblings that I was favored. I was not around much during our days growing up as I traveled a lot for sports stuff. They did not. If it appeared as favoritism, I don’t believe my parents meant it to.
As a mom with three sons, I can say that they are all very different creatures. Do I get on better with one over others, some days, yes! They all push different buttons in me. But I’ve always made a constant effort to treat them equally. They each demand a different version of me which I’m happy to oblige.
Perhaps because I was aware of the sibling rivalry and favoritism with my own siblings, I chose to make sure that was not the case with my sons. They are thick as thieves, and that’s all that matter to me.
I think that's what life is all about. We learn, learn and learn from the past happenings and if some of us happen to apply it to our future lives, kudos!
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