Managing husband with anxiety, bipolar

[Cincinnati]

My husband gets very stressed about any sort of "plan." I need a better approach on how to manage this, as it stresses me out as I try to accommodate him. Here is the latest -

I am planning a birthday hike with friends about an hour out of town. A friend will drive me there, and I asked him and my daughter to pick me up because we have a family commitment afterwards.

The hike location is a 15 minute detour to our family, and will involve driving on country roads for 10-15 minutes instead of the highway.

This seems to cause him a lot of stress. We talked about it and he asked if I could cancel (no, I committed to celebrating my friend's birthday with her), get my friend to drop me off in a coffee shop near the main highway for pick-up (I can't find one) and is not thrilled we'll arrive late to the family commitment (the family don't mind, it's an overnight visit).

This is a regular pattern when plans aren't the way he would make them. I usually end up trying to accommodate given his mental illness (bipolar, anxiety) but it's taking a toll on me. Is this his anxiety? Is this just him being selfish and inconsiderate? I need a reality check!

To me, it's a 15 minute inconvenience that I wouldn't hesitate to do for him, but his mind works so differently from mine. I don't want to be unsupportive but it's getting so tiring for me.

Please, any fresh suggestions are welcome.

[Kelkel00]

I think you are being very understanding. The request doesn’t seem unreasonable to me at all.

I think I would try having a heart to heart with him about why this is so important to you to do. He needs to be flexible to you and your needs as you seem to be to his.

[Cincinnati in reply to Kelkel00]

Thank you. I appreciate this.

[Oshgosh in reply to Kelkel00]

I agree with you.