Bipolar II and anxiety

Hi, I'm new here. I apologize in advance for the long post.

I've been dealing with bipolar II depression few episodes of hypomania and severe anxiety since I was 13 and I'm 37 now. I also have 4 herniated discs in my neck which cause chronic pain. Over time my bipolar and anxiety have been getting worse. I've also lost four family members in the past two years, two of which were last March. The grief had caused my depression, anxiety and insomnia to spiral out of control. I'm afraid of leaving the house, of driving, of failure and am struggling to run the nonprofit I started 3 years ago as well as a part time sales job. I feel worthless, exhausted and am unable to focus. I'm on so many medications that it's ridiculous. I'm in counseling currently working on learning to leave the house again. My husband has been patient with me, but now he's just sick of it. He doesn't seem to believe that I'm trying. How do you keep your relationships healthy while dealing with chronic mental illness?

[lhortiz]

I am doing it by believing that I have more control over my symptoms and recognizing that my negative thoughts are what is killing me. I had to do a complete change of my mind and believe that I could overcome. So far it is working for me. Yes, I have negative thoughts and overwhelming emotions but I am challenging them daily and getting out around normal people even if it is hell getting out of bed and doing it. I am forcing myself to get out because the more I am at home by myself the worse my symptoms are.

I also decided that I can't look around at all the sadness and misery of other people's lives and think that I can have a good life. I started being thankful for the things that I did have and when I started to veer off track I put myself in check.

I am doing much better these days and it is because of a support group and other activities I am doing to feed my spirit.

Before this, all I wanted to do was die but I have hope now.

I hope that you can find a way to get out of your mind set. I have been there and it wasn't that long ago that I made this change.

I hope I have helped in some way. I am here for you sweet friend.

[Hidden in reply to lhortiz]

Thank You! That is amazing, I'm so happy to hear that changing your mind set works for you! It gives me hope.

I'm trying to change my thought process, but I work with shelter dogs in a very impoverished area, it's my passion in life to help as many as I can. It makes it difficult to be positive when you see such horrific abuse on a normal basis. I've been trying to establish boundaries so it stops taking overeover every waking moment, but I end up feeling guilty and weak when I do.

I will start trying to challenge my thoughts when they turn on me. I'm trying to learn how to meditate, but then my mind starts the whole "squirrel!" routine. It's just so frustrating when your mind decides to fight back. They raised my bipolar meds a week ago and it seems to be working, fingers crossed.

Thank you again!

[lhortiz in reply to Hidden]

That's awesome Maya! I'm glad the med adjustment was helpful for you.

I have the same problem with meditation too. I get off track and have to gently move myself back to what it was I was meditating on.

Being around those animals must be difficult but there are other people who do it and can cope so there must be a way for you too. There are certain things that trigger my negative thinking but what I have done is to take a nonjudgemental approach when I encounter them and it is like seeing it but not being affected. I just say, "That must be awful", and then continue on. I had to get away from feeling the pain of others and be compassionate at the same time. I guess you could say that I detached from the pain. It is working for me.

There are some situations that I avoid altogether because I am not able to detach. That is good enough for me right now.

I've been a nurse for 26 years and I used the same detachment. At the time it was a natural thing but I had some negative things happen in my life and as a result when I would see others be cruel I had a terrible reaction to it. I don't do that anymore Thank God.

Good luck in your continued recovery. Everyday I am one step closer! Hallelujah!!!!!

[Hidden]

Hi, communication is key! Us with mental health issues are all 'sick of it!'

I'm 49 and I've had mental health issues all my life. Perhaps you need to change your situation to enable you to not feel so stressed. Both of you need to work as a team.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You're right. I need to communicate more. After reading your message last night, I got up the courage to sit down and talk with him. It went pretty well and I feel we're both on the same page for the first time in a year. Thank you for that.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You're welcome! I'm here if you need to vent ok?

[Hidden]

Thank you so much. Same here, if you need to talk, message me anytime.