new here, hoping to reach people with similar experiences

[crochetcroc]

I have somewhat recently realized how bad my anxiety is and am constantly learning more things about it. I just want to try out some sort of group, but I don't want to do a group where I have to talk face to face with people (anxiety!), so maybe this could be a helpful option.

I have been living away from home for two and a half months now, in a new place with a friend of mine. I have noticed that I don't go out a whole lot, but hadn't really thought until yesterday about why that might be. I thought that maybe I was just happy enough sitting around the apartment.

On my way home from the gym yesterday, I realized that I don't go out because I am incredibly uncomfortable going to unfamiliar places, and everywhere but the gym is an unfamiliar place to me here. And it's not just "uncomfortable", I simply cannot enjoy myself the way that I want to, and the way that I think the average person would be able to.

I think what sort of triggered this realization is that the day before, my friend invited me to go with her to sit in a coffee shop and read or journal or whatever. I can identify the feeling that I did genuinely want to go, but I told her I would stay here and maybe go for a walk. I know that if I had gone, I would have sat there the entire time feeling on edge and thinking about any and every possible situation of discomfort and how I could be doing something wrong or someone or everyone is judging me for whatever reason.

It's just near impossible for me to sit in a situation like that and be able to enjoy myself, no matter how badly I want to have a good time. I learned at some point that that is the way that I feel when I go out and I don't want to feel that way, so I won't go out. If I stay in the apartment by myself, I am in complete control of the things around me and I can relax a little, aside from the general thoughts of anxiety in every day things or thoughts about what the people I know think about me in the moment.

When I go back home in a couple weeks, I have to get a new job. The job I had before is very much available to me, but my boss wasn't the greatest and I wasn't fully appreciated for the amount of work I put in. Regardless of the way that I was treated at that job, I am so tempted to go back because it's an environment I am familiar with. I want to be able to find a new place of work but I am scared I won't be able to because my anxious thoughts won't let me put myself in a new environment, even if eventually it will likely be the better path.

So what I mean to express is that my anxiety feels incredibly overwhelming and I don't know what to do about it. I am scared because life is full of new situations and unfamiliar things, and I'm not sure how I'm going to navigate it all.

I have a session with my therapist in a couple days, where I will talk about all this, but in the meantime it might be helpful to express these feelings to other people who might understand what I am describing.

[Hidden]

Welcome! You've found a group of supportive people who are dealing with many of the same feelings you are. I too well understand the not going out part, and what you are describing sounds very much like situational avoidance. It's basically when we go to a place, get scared/have a panic attack, run out, and then tell ourselves "Hey that place was scary! Let's not go back there again!" and so we start avoiding those places (the coffee shop, etc.). CBT and other forms of therapy are supposed to be good at working through those scary thoughts so we can retrain our brain on how to process the sensations and not be so fearful of them. I hope this helps a bit and know you are not alone!

[crochetcroc in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much for your response! I really appreciate your feedback and support.

[EndUser13]

Welcome to the forums, I hope they can be of use to you.

From my own, terribly agoraphobic personal experiences I can really relate. I would encourage you to try to push past this as best you can, if only for the sake of not missing out on life. I don't mean constantly push yourself out of your comfort zone, but rather make the occasional step outside of it, you might find a new place that's wonderful and becomes familiar, then comfortable for you. I realize this is in no way an easy thing to face, I wish you the best of luck

[bonkers65]

Welcome. Lots of good and supportive people here.

[metalminded]

Hello and welcome! A outing you could try is the library. I think all of them are comforting, quiet, safe, and it’s easy to avoid others but at least get out and pick up a good book!☺️

[crochetcroc in reply to metalminded]

Thank you for this suggestion. I went today and definitely still had fairly high anxiety, but I was able to enjoy myself in a quiet corner.

[metalminded in reply to crochetcroc]

Great job!! That’s a first step!