I'm new here and looking for relatable friends

[lonelywolf69]

Hi everyone I'm a 50 yr old guy in a small town in Texas that has Spina Bifida and all the health issues of a paraplegic. I have had depression since the early 90's and anxiety since early 2000's. My anxiety really kicked in when I heard a shooting in my apt. complex and the gunman ran past me. I still don't know why but it effected my driving to where it was years with medication and therapy before I could drive without too much anxiety. I still get anxious when I drive in an unfamiliar place, some highways and most tall overpasses. My depression crept up on my after High School but has really been getting to me recently. I am going on a trip later this year with my parents out of state. So that (being in an unfamiliar place) brings up anxiety about "what if I get sick far from home?" or "what if I freak out (anxiety) while I'm somewhere that I can't find a "safe place"? My depression has been acting up too lately. I have some health issues with my bladder that may require surgery after the first of the year. In the meantime I am left physically uncomfortable and stressing that it will cause problems on the trip. I'm also constantly lonely because I live in a small-ish town, divorced about 5 yrs now and just can't find any real friends my age or that I can really relate too and comfortably open up too. Well guys that's me in a nutshell, if anyone can offer any advice or guidance I would be very grateful and I will help others here where I can.

[Hidden]

Welcome fellow Texan!!

[Agora1]

Welcome lonelywolf. If anything freaks us out more, it's the "what if's".

With anxiety we have to be careful in not projecting too much down the

road but staying in the moment. I'm glad you're here with us. We may not

be able to help you in finding friends in your town but know that you have a

virtual family just a message away. Stay Positive my friend xx

[lonelywolf69 in reply to Agora1]

Hi there thank you all for the warm welcome.You are so right, Agora1, about the "what if's" they are horrible. I am very happy to have an online group of friends I can relate too, vent and bond with.

[Annabelle61]

Welcome - I have found this site to be so helpful just to know that there are others who have similar struggles with anxiety. I can relate to your anticipatory anxiety about your trip. One of the things that has helped me with that is focusing on the final destination and not the trip itself. I love to go to new places but often struggle with getting there ( trains planes autos !) Have you thought about volunteering ? Maybe the local library has a group you might be interested in? Wishing you peace ❤️

[lonelywolf69]

Hi Annabelle, I will try thinking more about the destination and fun to be had. I'm personally more of a homebody so going far from especially for an extended period is a stressful thought right now. I have Spina Bifida like I said in my original post and have been on disability since High School, but yes I have volunteered in the past but not recently...It's a thought to at least look around. Thanks

[Ardraven]

Hi there, I'm about 10 years younger than you but I can relate to a lot of what you posted. I moved to a town nearer to my family (they live right out in the country and it makes me anxious to live too far away from places with necessary services) when my 1st marriage broke up.

I have chronic pain and mobility issues as well as depression and anxiety. I posted about some of it earlier if you want to know more.

I'm stuck in the house a lot with just my dog for company. While I have my family half an hour away and I've managed to make a couple of friends I usually have to wait until they have time to come and visit me and I miss having a group of friends who I saw most days. One of the reasons I decided to become more active on here is because I often feel starved of conversation during the long days spent alone so feel free to message me if you want to talk to someone sometime.

[lonelywolf69 in reply to Ardraven]

Good morning Ardraven, that is exactly why I moved here. A first marriage break up, moved in with my dad for about a year then my mom called me knowing of an affordable apartment near her. she hovers, being so close now days but I guess I can deal with that. I have met my upstairs neighbor that I can relate too and use to spend a lot of time with, but within the last 6mos. or so she met another neighbor that is a woman and I guess she can relate more too because she is very hard to connect with lately. Besides she is actually a pretty negative person so that is not what any of us need at most times. Thank goodness we have our animals, huh. I've been desperate for conversation and connection too, feel free to contact me anytime.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Welcome💝

[KittenMittens22]

Hello fellow Texan. I too have issues with driving and with not having a safe place when too far from home. I use to be better about pushing myself to go places and deal with being a little uncomfortable until I got there, but I feel like it’s worse now where the thought of even driving an hour and a half to visit my parents feels like too much to try. It could also be that my parents stress me out and I don’t feel “safe” around them. But then again I don’t feel safe with anyone. And when I say safe l, I mean that I don’t feel like anyone completely looks out for me and has my back.

When I feel vulnerable I don’t want to leave my comfort zone. Maybe that’s an instinctual thing. It makes sense. For example if you are in pain and have illnesses, it makes sense for your brain to try and protect you by making you feel unsafe out there in the world and make you stay where it is safe. I don’t know. I’m rambling. But I am 36 and also find difficulty making friends and connections with people. I feel like it’s too much work to hide what I deal with and I don’t feel comfortable enough with people yet to share all my business.

[lonelywolf69]

Hi KittenMitten, I think it's great I keep meeting other Texans on here. Thankfully my parents live near me even though they are still very busy people even at 76. My best friend from HS lives about an hour and a half away and it's been about 6 month since I've seen him. I have even on occasion turned around going to his house because of panicking (real embarrassing) I have read (online so you never know lol) that as we age some anxieties will get worse,which has always scared me and I feel is true at least for me. One thing that has helped me (not sure why but it does) was when I got a GPS device. I have also been like that even around my parents. I stay about 2 hours then get an overwhelming feeling that I need to leave and go home. Thankfully my parent are pretty understanding for the most part. I'm following my parents to my nieces house (where I've never been oh no) for Thanksgiving. They offered to drive me, but I figured that if I began to feel uncomfortable but they wanted to stay (my mom loves to talk lol) I could turn on the GPS and get home at my own pace. I have cancelled plans at the last minute due to anxiety and you may be right it could be a instinctual. I can relate also to having difficulty making friends, I'm an introvert homebody that has a mouth when I feel comfortable and am not filtering myself. Along with being older than my typical neighbor (college town) and in a wheelchair and not religious I don't feel there are many people that I can relate too, let alone bringing my anxiety and depression into it.Have a great day all we will get through this, this seems like a great community and any of you are welcome to contact my anytime and I'll get back to you and help if can as soon as I can.

[Agora1 in reply to lonelywolf69]

Hi lonelywolf....all you feel and more can be felt even in a big city like Chicago.

Anxiety is hard for others to understand unless they have experienced it.

I'm glad you are here on this site where you can be assured is your safe place

to come to. 24/7, someone is always here to chat. May peace and calm

fill your heart today. xx

[lonelywolf69 in reply to Agora1]

You're right Agora, anxiety like this can happen in a big or small city. Also it is so so hard to get someone to vent or relate to if they don't go through the same things. I have a neighbor that suffers from from anxiety/ depression and PTSD and since she has lived here we had gotten kind of platonicly close to talk about our issues. Lately though she has found another neighbor that I guess she has more in common with (a mother,etc) because it is hard to catch her free. Which I know that she is entitled to a life, but that is why I'm here. Like a lot of us here to find someone to talk with and relate to and get some peace of mind hopefully. Have a great day and I'm here is you need someone.

[onthetrail]

I'm an older guy with milder versions of a number of similar issues, so I have some feeling for what you're going through. Kudos to you for developing the strength and survival skills to get where you are in life. It can't have been easy. That shouldn't be overlooked.

I too have a number of fears around travel and yet I keep finding that going away inspires me and makes me feel stronger. I've resolved to keep traveling as long as I'm physically able, even knowing I will be dealing with fear some of the way.

The book "Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks" has some excellent strategies for dealing with just the fears you describe. Helped me.

Thanks for offering to help the rest of us. That is kind and generous and part of healing, in my experience. Sometimes we all need a hand. Be well.

[lonelywolf69]

Yeah being born with a disability like I have has been a struggle, but thankfully my mom has always had my back and pushed me to be independent. I have always considered myself lucky that I was born this way and did not develop it later in life like you have. That has to be overwhelming at times, but you seem to have things together pretty well and I think that is great. I'm glad you have some local friends that are willing to be there in the tough times. If there is anything I can help with feel free to reach out. I like your outlook on travel, I will have to try that kind of thinking when my trip comes up soon. And I'm definitely going to look into that book. Thanks Stay Strong

[secrets22]

Gosh,you really have had plenty of knocks and i salute you for being so brave in your post,as i cant imagine how stressful your life is,and then to have a gunman run past you is terrifying.Unfortunately many of us here are full of ''what ifs'' and it really is a horrid side of depression,one that i know so well.