Anger management/Rages

[StompyBoy1]

I'm really struggling with my anger management at the moment. I've become addicted to online backgammon (but I don't play for money) and whenever I lose a game I am getting angry and sometimes that spills over and I smash things. I've just smashed the second laptop in 3 months and I have cuts all over my head from hitting my head with various objects like my phone or whatever is to hand. I have smashed other things like remote controls, at least 4 expensive mobile phones, doors, anything really. I'm deliberately self-harming. I really don't know what to do.I have had all types of counselling and support over the years (CBT, psycho dynamic analysis etc). And I am on 60 mg of Fluoxetine/Prozac each day but that doesn't seem to help. I'm not a kid either. I am 62 years old. It's pathetic isn't it?

Anyone got any ideas of what I can do a) to get off online backgammon and b) to control my red mists/rages?

Thank you so much

[012703060610]

Well I can say that I am 43 and am addicted to three online games since COVID started. It was all free and time passing in the beginning. Then I started buying enhancements with money to ensure I would win. Yet these games offer nothing really if you do win. So I get it. I try so hard to stay away from my iPad because I know I'll purchase whatever to beat a level. NO, this is not pathetic. I don't know if you have past trauma, but my PTSD counselor has been a life saver. Way different type of therapy and very hard at times to dig into the old pain and hurt. However, she would say a lot of folks with PTSD use video games and TV to truly shut off their brain. I told her I needed to stop the nightly routine watching a movie that I have probably seen 100 times. She said.....NO.....that is totally normal. She is right, I have used the TV for years to fall asleep. Regardless, it isn't pathetic. Now the rage and anger......that is tough. It's a game. So why in the heck would you feel so much rage and enough to hurt yourself a bit? I'm not a saint here either....I've been so mad I've thrown pictures off the wall, etc. I know what mental state can get you there. Random idea, is there another game you could try for a few days to see if it generates the same feelings? I deal with daily rage and have to bury it deep for my young kids. However, when they are not around there are times that I just lose it. I will say that if I haven't slept well, then I usually struggle to be calm the whole day. I am not a doctor, but none of your meds are fast acting enough to calm you. I don't know if you need something to take in that moment to settle the brain. I had been on prednisone high dose for three months. I didn't sleep at all and the highs and lows were insane. I was fortunate that my kiddos didn't see much of the crazy. Plus prednisone can make you mean and cagey. Add this to my normal rage and everyone was afraid of me. Not that I would hurt them, but that I was so tired I didn't know what I was saying. I fought hard on going on a Benzo. I needed a very high dose of Xanax to counter act the prednisone. It took a year to come off prednisone and and a year for Xanax. The good and bad is that I know I can be on these meds and go on and off now. The prednisone did put my autoimmune issues at bay for a short time. Now I am on it quite a bit with flares. Long story short, I hear you! Not pathetic and totally understandable. I am sorry that it gives you such rage. I hope things get better. Just wanted to give a few ideas on PTSD and what I've been through. I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS!

[StompyBoy1 in reply to 012703060610]

hi, thanks for your response. It's very helpful to hear from other people who have similar issues to me.

I like your idea about a PTSD counsellor. I'm not sure if they're available in the UK but I could look into it. I certainly need to try something different so, thanks for that.

You asked why do I get mad about a game? Exactly! Why so much rage? I think with backgammon it's the fact that I feel I'm being cheated because I don't think the dice rolls by the computer/system whatever you like to call it is fair. I think they're cheating so I feel cheated and then I feel angry.

In terms of another game, yes I've started to play chess instead. I'm ok with chess because it is essentially a game of skill and the best player or the player who makes the best moves does win so I'm playing that.

The good news is that I haven't played Online backgammon or any type of Backgammon since I smashed up my last laptop. I have now got a new laptop which I'm using to reply to you on. I buy Chromebooks now because they are quite cheap. I can get a decent one for less than £140 compared to a decent laptop costing say £750 so it's not so much money down the drain when I smash it which I hope I will not do again! Fingers crossed.

I've been on fluoxetine or Prozac for several years now and I've been on the maximum dose for about a year so god knows what I'd be like in i wasn't on that but like you say work in progress.

Thanks again for the PTSD suggestion.

[Blueruth]

You need to figure out why or learn anger management. logging your moods might help. include things like what were you doing, who did you talk to, what and when did you last eat. Track your sleep with a smartphone app or wearable tech. It may not provide a definitive answer on their own but it may provide clues. Take a look at your home. Color and furniture arrangement have a profound affect on mood. You can find information about this online. If you are playing before bed take all electronics out of the bedroom and make it a digital free sanctuary that has things that bring you peace.

There are apps out there to change your behavior. One is call streaks that has an option to stop doing something. Others try to stimulate dopamine by giving you mental rewards. iPhone (probably android) has a screen time tracking that doesn't allow you to open apps that you configure at certain times of the day. Desktops do too. Find a local backgammon group and play in person. Of course you can't be a sore loser but often we are more on guard with our emotions in person vs online.

[StompyBoy1 in reply to Blueruth]

hi thank you for your reply.

I'm currently learning lines for a play i'm in . I'm not saying it's boring but it's for me hard work so so after about an hour I "reward" myself by playing backgammon and that's the problem. I reward myself by pissing myself off and getting angry so as I said in my reply earlier I've stopped playing backgammon online so that's good progress and now I reward myself by playing chess.

In terms of looking at colours in the house and furniture, well I guess my wife would have something to say about that as well but it's an interesting suggestion and I'll look into it. thank you.

Also thanks for mentioning streaks. Again I'll look at that.

This is all very helpful thank you

And I also like your idea of just playing BG face to face rather than online

cheers

[Blueruth in reply to StompyBoy1]

there are a few books but one that I like is atomic habits. In it he also talks about replacing or ending a habit. Backgammon isn’t really a reward if it ultimately makes you miserable I like games that only come out once a day like wordle

[BastCat]

The others had some good information for you. How long have you've been on the Prozac and was it prescribed specifically for your anger, or is there any other issues being treated with other medications? I was on prozac many years ago without any problems. I was put on it again a year and a 1/2 ago without any problems. I was put back on it with Klonopin several months ago and almost immediately developed a severe problem with anger and agitation and also developed Akathisia. I was taken off Prozac but the severe anxiety, agitation and anger hasn't gotten better, or the Akathisia. I've had anxiety issues all my life but never the anger and rage problems until they started the Prozac again this last time.

[StompyBoy1 in reply to BastCat]

hi interesting what you said about Prozac generating anger in you. maybe I need to ask my doctor about that thank you