Anger management

[Tulip2407]

Hi...there I'm backI thought with support from group I'm doing better with my emotions but it's like a wave that comes and go.

Today we went for shopping and I'm super tired of my husband not liking any of the stuff that I chose. He like very old school things in frustration I told him you are an old age types person. He ended up getting angry and left the store said I'm waiting in car. I was so mad at him that I waited in store only for him to come back. But he did not call or came according to him he came 3 times to find us.

I dragged my children out of store and lashed on him in car. I don't feel sorry for that but I feel sorry for my kid and my self. We argued raised volume and now silence treatment. I'm not sure how to control this anger. I know I cannot change him because according to him he is at no fault or issue at all. I get anger and I lose my temper. I want to improve for my kid I don't want them to get and impression that I'm a bad person who just go on and on and too loud. Please suggest books method that can help me to be a better person for my kids.

[LoveforAll41]

Hi AAura, I am sorry that you are going through this. I think it is good that you want to be great for your kids. I know that my parents arguing has affected me. I think that in my therapy group they would always say that there is a trigger emotion first that triggers anger. I think it is often when my expectations are not met. I try to voice them, or anticapate them if I think they will not be met. Perhaps in this instance you could have known your hubby wouldn't have liked certain things if he is old school? You could still get them for yourself and I am sure they would grow on him.

There is the emotions anonymous group that I really like. That have a book that you can get that I think is good. They also have a website that I think is just emotionsanonymous.org

I love the book "Feeling Great" by David Burns. It is about anxiety and depression but I think that he talks about anger a lot too. I wish you peace, hope, and strength. ☮️

[Agora1 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Emotions Anonymous is a good group.. I've attended several myself. xx

[Ellamaye]

At least your reaching our and recognising that's positive x

[Tulip2407]

After every meltdown I regret a lot and try to mend things

[catsrock]

I have anger management issues too - it's frustrating. The main thing that has helped me is doing inner child work with a good therapist. I learned that I have trouble with emotion regulation because of childhood trauma/issues and that I had to parent my inner child in a way that I never received as a child. There's a lot more to it than that, but thought it would help to mention it. I also like the book, "The Dance of Anger," by Harriet Lerner.

[MaggieSylvie]

Its disappointing when your husband fails to appreciate your choice of clothes and household items. I think we have to accept that he's not interested and go shopping without him. Then you wouldn't get triggered. You wouldn't fall out over items; you wouldn't call him names; you wouldn't have that very triggering thing of waiting to see if he would come back into the store. You might then have the problem of whether you should take the children with you or not but there has to be a way of working round that aspect of the scenario. I think sometimes we just have to do things on our own to avoid anger issues. I know it's avoidance rather than any kind of cure but it's a way of handling things. There must be other times when you are triggered to anger, and then you could try the "count to 10" way of dealing with it, or deep breathing for about the same length of time, and mindfulness. Iit's very hard, but you have to hold on for dear life to your inner core - the real you who exists before any triggers, reactions or negative thinking. Hold on, and good luck. Dress to please yourself - no-one else.😊