Afraid to get my First "Real" Job

Hello Everyone.

For the about the past 2 years, I've been working part-time as a cashier for my family's restaurant. While working there has been a valuable experience, as it's given me the opportunity to challenge my social anxiety head on by improving my customer service skills, it's strained me financially due to the business being unprofitable. I don't actually take in an income from that job.

Before working at the restaurant, I spent my years only working online doing super low wage work. And sitting alone in a bedroom, staring at a screen for years, completing mundane tasks only exasperated my fear of interaction and people in general. On the other hand it's afforded me a small degree of financial freedom and I'm grateful for that: like i'm not totally dependent on my parents, i make enough to pay for basic necessities/groceries, taxes, hlthinsurance. And once again, I super grateful for that cause's I don't want to be anymore of a burden on my parents than I already am. Nowadays I still work online, but only in spare time when not at the restaurant.

Lately, I've been strongly considering getting a 2nd part-time job, so I could make a proper weekly income for the first time in my life. But I'm scared to death. Trying to explain to employers why a 28 year old is just now looking for their first job makes me ashamed. And The idea of working with complete strangers, w/o the safety net of family scares me. Being an incompetent worker scares me, because I now others won't be as sympathetic as my family when I make mistakes on the job (and I make a lot). Interacting with coworkers is also something that I'm afraid of, because i don't know how to have a conversation with another person (even a small talk).

And my parents assume that because I speak the customer service script well at work, that I'm okay. But I am not. There's a reason why I retreat to my room after work, and don't speak to anyone, and have no friends, and am struggling to do things that "normal" people can do (like apply for a job). I'm afraid and embarrassed.

Does anyone have any advice? How do you personally manage anxiety and work?

Sorry if this was all over the place. I just don't have anyone else to talk to. If you read this, I wish you well.

[Roastd]

Hi, It makes me sad reading your message as my 20 year old son is just like you.......he had a part time job at tesco for 6 months which he HATED due to his anxiety and your right people don't understand 😕 I feel helpless trying to support him.

Although my advice might not be great, I would suggest that if you do get a part time job be honest from the beginning about your anxiety........A good company will be understanding and at least they will understand if you do make mistakes, also get in touch with your GP (if you haven't already) about counselling........hard because of your anxiety I know but it might just help.

Explain to any employer that your "Gap in employment" is due to your condition.

At least you have been working with your family and voluntary which is amazing 👏 you should be proud of that!

I wish you well........be proud of ANY little step forward 👍

[Hidden in reply to Roastd]

Hey Roastd. Thank you for the reply. I'm sorry to hear about what your son went through, but I'm sure you've done the beset that you can to help. And hey, he found the courage to take a step forward a do it. That's something he should be really proud of.

That's the courage I'm trying to find. Besides the financial aspect of the situation, getting a job on my own would be a huge step in my journey to manage my anxiety. It would give me the opportunity to build the character and life experience that I should've gotten as a teen.

And yes, I'll try to just be upfront and honest about what I'm going through with employers. I've already made a resume (somehow lol), but now I simply need to put it out there. Just have to try.

Thank you once again for the advice.

[Roastd in reply to Hidden]

Well done you 😃 Confidence definitely comes from getting out there.

Best wishes for a bright future.

[Hidden]

Hey Quiet. As a former 40 year employer I would advise 100% going with the truth. Now it may not happen easily or maybe it will but there are some employer’s that have a heart and will give people with challenges of all types an opportunity.

A pretty good percentage of people suffer from some sort of mental challenge and anxiety is pretty prevalent, so chances are you’ll find someone understanding and give you a shot.

Your list of things that scare you makes me think how darn brave you are. Those things are real and tangible to you.. For you to be doing your job at the restaurant and now wanting to brave a second job makes me think my struggles have been not as bad as I thought. My anxiety is much different than what yours sounds like.

I know it’s difficult to see but our world can’t be totally measured against ithers in society . How can it be? Your hurdles are like someone who has a physical disability and limits them in the workplace. They are real and others don’t suffer like we do.

Try your best to not be ashamed. Measure yourself by what you can improve on. What you can do with the cards you ve been dealt. Not easy, mind you, when our challenges revolve so much in our minds of being compared to others.

You are one tough and brave dude my friend.

I’m adding you to my prayer list.

Contact me anytime for advice or just to talk

Much Love

Craig

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Craig. I apologize for the late response (past week has been rough). I'll l try to be as transparent when communicating my struggles with employers. So many 'how-to' articles I've read advise against sharing mental health issues with hiring managers, but you're advice gives me some encouragement.

Best wishes to you.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Awesome that you are going for it QM . For some I would go along with the “ how to” articles advice , cause there is no doubt about it a certain level of stigma exists. f you think you can pull it off then leave it in your pocket, but as I said your challenges are real and it just sounded to me that you were going to need some understanding and help from a workplace .

Maybe see if in your area there might be an organization that helps people with disabilities with job hunting for both picking their brain and job leads.

Be patient. Do not get discouraged. Remember you and I were dealt different cards so just keep trying. If you’d like DM with progress reports. My dad taught me at a young age to define your goals and Write on paper ways to acheive those goals. Review them say weekly and alter if and when it’s necessary. He said stats show we are 4 times more likely to acheive said goals.

He was right

ALL THE BEST!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Ok! I will apply your advice as best as I can. Thank you!

[TyrSwimmer_Sac]

Hi, Your description of what's going on similar to what I went through. You are doing well handling it. If you got questions feel free to ask for advice how to handle situations. I work guess services too and worked with the public a great deal. I have also had to deal with co-workers with very different personalities that always creates conflict too not to mention guests. As for your fears and anxieties, well there are ways to manage that. Plus you can look up how to approach conflict management with both the public and coworkers. Also how to deal with your boss. Everyone that has ever held jobs have had to go through this, the difference here is that you and I have disabilities of anxiety that has made it much harder. I want you to know that there are coping skills. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. You can lean on people here or me via direct messaging to figure things out. Just ask and no shame, no judgement from me absolutely. Just saying.

[Hidden]

Hi TyrSwimmmer

Thank you for commenting, and I apologize for responding so late.

I appreciate your open-mindedness. I'm ashamed to share stuff like this, but I just don't have anyone in real life to talk to. And my parents simply don't understand.

My biggest fear even moreso than interacting with customers is interacting with co workers. Because of my social ineptitude, I worry that I'll be unable to communicate with them, have small talk, be a reliable team member, etc. I'm worried they'll end up disliking me or finding me prudish, when in actuality, I simply don't know how to talk to people.

Do you have any general advice for interacting with co-workers? If so, it'd be appreciated.

Best wishes to you.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Great exchange by you two. I don’t have the same challenges . Mine are I am to much sometimes., so the coping skills mentioned are not in my wheelhouse.