Grief-Triggered Anxiety

[Cherubikal]

I am here because I suffer from a serious fear of dying when I lose a loved one. It started in October 2021 when I lost my dad. I was so certain I would die and no one could convince me otherwise. My logic: if death came right into my house and snatched my dad away, it was still lurking around and will get me next. My bp shot up, chest pain, spiky goose bumps, electric shock-like sensations under my skin, trembling hands, trembling mouth when I speak, racing pulse, headaches, sleeplessness that defiled pills. It took drugs to bring it down after two months. I continued the drugs for 6 months even after all symptoms had disappeared. About a month ago, I lost a close family friend and I lost my father in law three months ago. The symptoms are back but I am determined to control my mind and not use medications this time. Any tips? Thanks

[Hidden]

hey Cherubikal! Sorry about all the loss you have had to face. Grief can manifest in different ways for each person. I developed a serious fear of death when hospitalized with pneumonia a couple of yrs ago. Was in icu for 6 nights scared to death. The fear of death became an obsession. Reading about the death process, obsessing about how my death would surely be worse than anyone else’s on this earth, or what if they bury me and I’m really not dead kind of thing. Finally, enough people had to help me snap out of it and realize that death is just a part of life. You’re younger than I am. Less reason to worry. But, the sooner we all accept that death is the most natural and predictable part of life, the sooner we can get busy enjoying whatever time we have left. I know this fear can be debilitating. I nearly lost my mind with this same thing. Please talk to someone about this. If you’re religious, speak to someone in your religious community. Or, a doctor, therapist, or even a friend. My husband, who suffers zero anxiety, had these unhelpful but wise words of wisdom for me: “When your numbers up, your numbers up!” Wasn’t helpful at the time but today I can completely agree.

Be well my friend. Always here if you need me.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Beautifully said KellyKay xx

[Hidden]

” i beleve in life after death which helps my fears,and if there isnt one we wont know anything anyway,” …

This is exactly what I had to be convinced of. Spiritually, I knew better, but fear got into my head to the point I was thinking irrational things with my overactive mind. Like what if my body dies but my mind doesn’t? Only an overthinker could even ask such a question. Racing thoughts had me convinced that not even death could turn this crap in my head off. I literally read every ounce of science on the death process until I was convinced that the brain will thankfully die with the body. Logically, I knew this all along but really did experience just how bad our fears can play with our minds.

Loved your post, thx Twinklystar.

How’s your handsome boy today?

[Dansing]

Hi there,I'm afraid of death too.

I.lost 3 dogs in 3 years, I lost my sister.

I was having anxiety attacks about death, but I managed to get better with medication.

I need to focus on LIFE, because I'm alive now, the death will come anyway...but my priest told me, like this:: Why are you afraid of death? You go to Jesus!

So, no I just think about that.

My pshiatrist helped me a lot with meds.

[SayNOtoPanic]

🙏🏻Prayers up to you. Deepest sympathy and empathy. Hang in there, you got this. Just ride the waves and motions and try to do breathing exercises like sets of deep breath in deep breath out, maybe say something positive or powerful while doing it.

[Cyprusfan]

My fear is slightly different. Since my son had leukaemia I have an irrational fear of getting cancer. Anything I have wrong with me I put down to it. I have a really bad arm at moment and my head everywhere

[scansnap]

We all have fears about death, some of us more than others. The death of a loved one is one of the most stressful things a person can go through, and produces a great deal of anxiety.

However, to assume that you will be dying soon as well does not really follow. I do not think that death is an actual being or entity, but just the natural results of living. Sometimes death comes from old age, sometimes from injuries or diseases, sometimes from physical harm. But I do not believe the death hangs around waiting for its next victim. About 150,000 people die on earth every day, and death would not have time to hang around anywhere.

I think that this is a good time for you to really think seriously about the nature of death and what it means and its inevitability and why that would be bad. I do not know if there is an afterlife or not, but the fact is that nobody knows really, although some religions will tell you that there is. But even religions very on their understanding of death.

This would be a good time to do some therapy, including basic relaxation exercises such as meditation, mindfulness, physical exercise and so forth. I would recommend reading Feeling Great by David Burns, which will teach you about cognitive behavioral therapy and how to deal with unrealistically negative thoughts.

I would also recommend reading some of the Stoic philosophers, either books about them or even their own original writings which are actually quite simple and straightforward and short. It is a very practical philosophy and does deal with the issues that you are struggling with. I wish you the best.