After being with my boyfriend for 7 years I found out he was cheating the entire time , it’s recently become abusive. I feel like it’s made me go crazy with how much I over think about every scenario/ memory we created, especially creating a family. I feel like his family is turning against me and it’s made me depressed.
I’ve made the choice to move out today and better myself but I hate the person I’ve become, the thoughts I think about doing. I couldn’t stop myself last night from thinking horrible thoughts about myself. I miss the person I was, also the person I thought would never hurt me did just that and I feel like a failure for accepting it.
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Acorn2
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good for you for getting out. It isn’t easy. There are most likely domestic violence groups in your area. Contact them for support. You probably don’t know what you don’t know and they can help.
(((Hugs))) She’s not dead, she is just resting for a bit because she got injured badly.
But she is going to be just fine. She got away from the bad man who hurt her, and she is going to recover now and feel a tiny bit better with each passing day.
Surround yourself with those who love you, let strangers like us here on this site give you some love, be good to yourself during this time. Get enough rest, enough good food, maybe go for a walk or exercise another way most days of the week. Read things and watch things that comfort you.
If you have a beloved fur baby, spend time with the fur baby and soak up all that love.
She will be back, shining brighter than ever, I promise. She just needs some rest so the wounds can heal now, that’s all.
P.S. I forgot to say, you aren’t the failure, HE is for being an awful person!
You are the hero of this story. You are the one who opened her heart and got hurt for it, and is bravely continuing on her path in spite of a terribly painful wound.
I think you are a very special and wonderful person, and I think you have a very special destiny ahead of you!
I'm so glad you're getting out! I totally get the having horrible thoughts about yourself as I do that too, but it's your brain chemistry playing tricks on you. You are a strong person and I hope soon you will feel better.
There is nothing like abuse from someone we love to destroy us and cause us to think bad thoughts and not be ourselves for a time.
Am going through ending a friendship that turned out to be abusive, with betrayal etc. so I can empathize with you, although what you are going through is so much worse, of course.
I really admire you for moving out and getting rid of toxic people in your life so you can fill your life instead with loving and supportive people. People who won’t betray you, who won’t hurt you on purpose.
You are so strong for having done so, and that tells me you have the strength now to go on with life and that you can hold on until better times come. And those better times are coming, just you wait and see!
I’m an old lady of 61 and I’ve been through some things, and one thing I know is, things don’t hurt forever. If you keep on breathing, happiness eventually comes back and is yours to enjoy.
And someone will come along who will love you and treat you right, I promise you.
Sending you hugs and light and love, and reassurances, you are going to be just fine now, and happiness is ahead of you on the path, you just have to keep walking a little while longer now to reach it.
I took a moment to read through your various posts before responding. I am so sorry that you are going through this. There are certain people who are master manipulators. I was once in a relationship with someone who I loved with all of my heart. And they were a pathological liar. Even about stupid stuff like he smoked and tried to convince me that he didn’t smoke. It wasn’t until after I called him out on it and had proof that he smoked that he would actually confess that he smoked. There were several other instances where he would try to convince me that I was crazy about something, but once I was able to show him look here it is right in front of your face, then all of a sudden he would backpedal, and admit to it and tell the truth, but it was only when he was confronted with proof that he would admit to the truth and even then he would sometimes lie. I have an example of one gentleman who his girlfriend caught him at a girls house. She had a picture of his car in front of her house. And he still refused to admit that he was at her house . He instead accused her of doctoring the photo, but she also had the Verizon iPhone locator which also showed him at her house. If somebody wants to lie to you they’re going to lie to you. If someone wants to manipulate you, they’re going to manipulate you . There are certain people in this world who will try to get what they want from people and they either a don’t care which is a certain group of people or B they don’t have the ability to feel what it would do to somebody else. They don’t have the ability to comprehend how it hurts the other person. They would rather make the other person feel like they are crazy , then to admit that they had done wrong because in their mind they never do anything wrong. I have to admit that I’m only hearing your side of the story, and your post are short, but from my experience, and from the experience of those that I have helped, I can only advise off of that. I know that when you love somebody you want to believe the lies that they are feeding you. But you also are so torn because you need to know the truth. You have your gut telling you what the truth is and you need to know the truth you know deep down that they are lying to you but you need to see it you need the proof. If this person has continually lied to you then you basically only have two options . Walk away, or try to seek counseling with that person. But he’s not going to change if he doesn’t want to change. He’s not going to change if he can’t except the fact that he has a problem. If in his mind he still didn’t do anything wrong, it’s never going to change . Now I say all of that to focus on you. When stuff like that happens to good and/or innocent people. It is not uncommon for that person to feel less about themselves, blame themselves, feel stupid for believing the lies, I feel stupid for being lied to, there’s a whole realm of feelings and all of them are legitimate and acceptable. You really have to spend all of your time focusing on the fact that it’s not your fault. If someone cheated that is not your fault. If you were a total horrible person to this other person they could’ve gotten out of the relationship, but it was their choice to lie, and it was their choice to cheat. It’s not your fault that somebody cheated. You are responsible for what you do, you are responsible for your actions, you are responsible for what you say to other people. I read this amazing book that doesn’t fully cover the whole cheating issue or the being lied to issue, but it helps a lot. It’s called overcoming verbal abuse and getting off of the emotional roller coaster. It helps you to walk through each thought and each feeling that you’re having to dissect it. It also allows you to realize that you can regain control of your thoughts and feelings and beliefs. When we’ve been through these kind of traumas sometimes we lose touch of that. And it also talks about positive affirmations. For example, taking all of those negative thoughts and feelings that you have and writing them down on a piece of paper, and then next to them writing out the exact opposite . So if he called you stupid, worthless, whatever the case may be you would put down the exact opposite smart, worthy, worthy of being loved, worthy of being treated right, worthy of having someone love me unconditionally, worthy of being loved. Whatever the negative thought is right down the exact opposite. And then repeat those. Go for a walk and repeat it the whole entire time that you walk . Go to the gym and repeat it the whole entire time you’re at the gym. In one of the instances that I had. It was the exact same scenario where the mother called the other woman and told her not to speak to the lady who had been cheated on. Both the man and the mother were trying to tell her that if they spoke to the lady that he had cheated on that she would have a mental breakdown and that they would hold her accountable for whatever happened to the lady. They basically scared her into not talking to the woman who had been cheated on. there’s two reasons that scenario plays out. One is they are either sincerely concerned about the person, and they’re worried that that person might hurt themselves. The second is that they don’t want anyone to think negatively of them or their family, and they’re trying to protect the image. Another scenario would be that he’s lying to the mother as well and she’s trying to protect her son and make the relationship work because she’s believing the sons lies. I would have to have a lot more information, but I’m here if you want to talk. I feel like I have a lot of experience in this area. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. No one deserves to be cheated on, and I hope that you know that you are a beautiful, worthy person. You are worthy of being loved, you have so much opportunity to find someone who’s going to love you and love you the right way. I am praying for you. Reach out if you need to talk.
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