i think i will stay just 1 day because i have therapy at 2nd jan and school at 3rd. I feel like a ghost existing in a parallel dimension. No support. Family scares the hell out of me, friends are gone because of my mental illness. Im all alone and my body responds to it. My mind tooPlus exams, graduating, an internship for the university, an internship of my choice and a job offer. I don't know how i could do all this when all week i can't write my assignment.
My psycho-somatic symptoms are so bad. Especially in sertain hours. Someone here recommended ayurveda and I was just going to the pharmacy to get a holistic brand i trust and i found out they stopped trading with my country. Thinking about going to a local holistic shop but im so socially anxious talking with the salers. I couldn't even freeze my gym card because i was scared that the staff was already tired from working on the holidays and i thought that exercise is at least a bit of health to me and being with people even though they don't talk to me. Everyone in this country is so hostile. My body and mind respond to this alienation. Staying in my little cluttered filled with all kinds of stuff room. I wish at least i could declutter it. I get sick just by staying here, alone, with all the mess that i have nowhere to put. I feel like society chewed me up and spitted me out. And im so grateful that i have this platform. You're the only people giving me the advice, compassion and socializing i need. Thank you
Hope mom behaves (hope my anxiety behaves too) and I feel better for seeing family (even though im scared to death of it) and having more space (but no personal space). It's just 1 or 2 days i tell myself. Hope i can do my work. Luggage, assignments, therapy, laundry, school... and enjoy new year and have a good year . I really need a good year
