Hi. Here's what I've got: panic disorder, agoraphobia, some OCD and the aftermath of some kind of trauma though that hasn't been formally diagnosed.
Friends say all these symptoms (anxiety, hyperalertness, fluctuating self esteem, etc.) and the other stuff might be related to my childhood. I had friends in grade school but never connected with my parents. I'm wondering if any of you had the same experience. They weren't mean to me, but they weren't approachable. There was not what you could call a relationship. My mother was very abusive to my father (until he died, then she idolized him verbally). She used to taunt him. There was no affection between them. In my teens, my mother used to punch me randomly, especially when I was driving, and I have no idea why.
I'm remarried (the first one was scarily like my mother) to an awesome woman. Together we have a bunch of kids and even more grandchildren. But I've still got this backpack full of psychological challenges and I'm looking to figure them out.
Anyway, hi.
Ryan
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ThatRyan
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Hi Ryan, I can relate to your early family dynamic and think you would benefit from working with a therapist who specializes in treating trauma. Mine uses emdr therapy for treatment and I have found it to be very effective. The other thing you might look in to is childhood emotional neglect and how that has impacted you.
In my case I grew up in a very emotionally repressed family and had no emotional relationship with my father and a conditional one with my mother. I also was punished and shamed for expressing anger and any kind of emotions and also for standing up for myself. I was also bullied in school and as a consequence of it all developed high-functioning anxiety, hypervigilance and social anxiety disorder. I did lots of therapy and got on the right meds and the trauma/emdr therapy was very beneficial toward my recovery.
The best investment you can make is having the courage and commitment to learning and understanding your history and story and how to process and heal to recover and move on with your life. It's totally worth it.
Hmmm. Sounds familiar. My mother was very anxious and uptight, and she also discouraged any emotional expression, your comment reminds me. I'm hesitant to spend cash I don't have on therapists, though. I've tried a few online ones, but haven't found one that "clicks" or that I can afford.
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