"Take better people" but maybe everyone in my country is pathetic. Toxic family, best friend got absolutely insane, others don't understand

[Against_the_current]

And don't get me started on guys. This guy isn't responding and probably blocked me. I thought i had a friend, he was the one to kiss me and dissapear. No answer to my texts. It just shows sent but not delivered. This means probably he blocked me but idk why. I was acting normal. He wasn't. My best friend texted from the mental hospital being absolutely out of her mind. I feel guilty and bad for her. She shared she was suicidal and in debt. The way she texted was Absolutely out of... Idk... Distorbted and disturbing. My other friends don't understand my mental health issues, my interests, my personality, let me down, don't follow their promises, are normies, not like what i explained in my last post. WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY FRIENDS? And my online friends also dissapear.

Im having hard time functioning. My head hurts like hell. I sleep all day. I'm annoyed all the time. I still go to university and do all my tasks, live alone. But i'm sinking. It's so hard and nobody sees it. My brain hurts like hell. I was doing laundry and i accidentaly washed my ac remote in the washing mashine. Now cold. I'm trying to manage all my tasks but If it gets any worse, idk what i will do. Maybe nothing cause nobody understands nor cares im collapsing

[SoporRose]

I think when we are in a bad mental place ourselves, it's difficult to find healthy people with whom to be friends or lovers. I'm not sure why that it is, whether we're afraid to approach the healthy folks because we worry they won't understand us or whether there's some mysterious cosmic force that draws people with mental illness together.

It sounds like the guy who kissed you got scared. My guess is that he's probably so worried you'll reject him that he decided to cut you off rather than find out. But that's just a guess.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks for understanding and being here. I really need it. And hah hope so. Didn't know i was so scary :)And maybe it's that im just in a bad place place mentally and not everyone sucks. Still it's sad my parents made me connect like that. My trauma made me connect like that. I just want to have friends like the normal people

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I understand all that. I'm much older than you are and I am still trying to sort out the unfortunate messages I got from my mother, and she wasn't nearly as awful as yours. These ideas of ourselves that are inculcated in our chhildhoods and the damage done to our psyches lies deep, deep in our brains and it takes so much time and work to sort it all out. That's why I am impressed with how far you've come and how you keep on making progress even when you feel like you can't.

I also think that even when we don't much like the person we are, it's frightening to try to become someone new or different. What if we lose all sense of self? I know it's not the right way to think, but the feeling still crops up, for me at least.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

You understand so well. I'm frightened how deep that is and how much healing it takes. Thanks for recognising my hard work 🙏

[SoporRose]

It's exhausting effort, but I notice that, no matter what happens, no matter how often you feel you can't take it any longer, you keep on showing up, going to school, doing what you have to do. That takes strength.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Yes! It does. Thanks for noticing. Hope others could notice too. I'm struggling so much and i'm not seen. Even though i don't hide it, i say i am and still

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I appreciate the way you use this site to let off steam and vent your fears. I think it's a way of facing your difficulties and managing their effects on your life.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you. I'm sorry im a bit harsh sometimes, i'm just really damaged

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

It’s better if you’re harsh here and get some of your feelings out if that helps you when you’re dealing with family, friends, roommates, etc.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks. I'm going insane. I just wrote a post 😭

[Hidden]

I don’t make friends very easily and I’ve had a lot of friendships and relationships come and go. A lot of people are just flaky and I think some people don’t even know how to be a good friend. Some people are just out to use you and see what you can do for them but they don’t want to be there for you. And what’s supposed to be normal anyway??? When you’re first getting to know people, I think it’s best not to reveal too much personal information right off the bat. Sit back and see what this person is like. Do they seem to be interested in what you have to say or do they just want to go on about themselves and have you sitting there listening to them? Do they have a good sense of humor or be any fun to be around, or do they constantly feel like a drag? Good friends can be hard to find sometimes.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Yeah, they can be. Thanks