What do you think? Emotional intelligence and self worth-

[Starrlight]

Please share your experiences in raising emotional intelligence and self worth…

[Lve2dance]

Know you are awesome and a good person at the end of the day. We are all perfectly imperfect. There are so many other people here especially that unconditionally care. Find your inner warrior.

[AnxiousSilver]

I'm gonna be completely honest. I don't know that much about emotional intelligence, other than it's important to manage.

I do have the Daniel Goleman book on my Kindle, (it was on sale a while back) but there are other anxiety books that I have on my list that I would like to look over first.

[Starrlight]

Emotional intelligence is ability to perceive, evaluate, express, and control emotions

Self worth is similar to self esteem and comes from knowing and believing in our self worth

[Brokenbeardedbear in reply to Starrlight]

If this is the definition of self worth than I dont have much if any at all.

[Brokenbeardedbear in reply to Starrlight]

To be honest I dont even see self worth as a need, it just seems to be a commodity people get if they have had nice experiences. They have been conditioned to have it. Whereas I have been conditioned not to have it. And I feel so low in self worth that I dont feel I deserve to have it.

[Starrlight in reply to Brokenbeardedbear]

Hi Brokenbeardedbear, interesting…I am low in it too but I want it. It hurts so badly. No matter how many nice experiences I have had my brain seems to seek out the things that make me feel like I’m not good enough.

[Brokenbeardedbear in reply to Starrlight]

I am not saying Im right to think/feel this way. I would definitely be there for anyone who struggles with low self worth. I would be kind and supportive. Like you, I just feel its very hard to care for myself. For me personally its like there is a barrier or block saying its not allowed. Thank you for your honest reply and helping me not to feel alone.

[Starrlight in reply to Brokenbeardedbear]

Could be it seems not allowed because we are not accustomed to it. Yeah I think whatever we feel is just how it is for us there’s no right or wrong I would just love to see people like you and I grow in self worth and emotional intelligence because it’s something very positive and helps us to be happier stronger people I believe. Some days I have more or less depending on mood and it’s something I work on. Thanks so much for sharing here.

[primrose81]

Don’t quite get it, sorry - just how do we raise our emotional intelligence which I thought would have been set to its limit - intelligence I mean and I think we would have less success in changing our intelligence than try ing to rein in our emotions if that makes sense??

[Starrlight in reply to primrose81]

Hi Primrose! That’s a good question and something I am trying to find out. Yes, I’m thinking maybe managing the emotions like by asking questions about what we are thinking, using distraction, meditation, mindfulness or stepping back and observing instead of feeling stuck in the emotions are a part of our emotional intelligence. I’m really not familiar with all of this. Just trying to learn.

Then when it comes to believing in self worth I think we use affirmations and allowing ourselves to see and appreciate our accomplishments. 🤔 🧐 hmmm

[primrose81]

Thanks Starrlight and I’ll try to learn too( you’re never too old, I keep telling myself..) but must admit I am fragile emotionally at the best of times and will have to train myself in that field! Doing a course” Change Your Brain” with Emma Macadam, I love her videos on YouTube. Fear I am so set in my ways that my brain won’t be up to changes, but sure do intend to try! xx

[Starrlight in reply to primrose81]

You are awesome! I believe we are never too old to learn. I can relate as I am fragile in my emotions too. I think it’s because of bipolar or being a sensitive in general type of person. I’m actually triggered a lot in life and try constantly to protect myself without avoiding toooooo much. It’s hard. Emma Macadam- never heard of her, I’ll look her up. Thanks 🙏 ☺️

[primrose81]

Hope you find her, not totally sure of surname. Any link to “Therapy in a Nutshell” on YouTube should get you to her, she has loads of free videos on depression/anxiety etc. To my mind - befuddled as it may be! - she makes a lot of sense. Hope you will like her too…xx

[Agora1 in reply to primrose81]

primrose I agree with you in that Therapy in a Nutshell is excellent advice

by a psychiatrist. *can't think of her name either xx

[designguy]

I've always found the expression "comfortable in your own skin" weird but I think it is appropriate for healthy self-worth and emotional intelligence. To me it means that i've gained the insight and awareness that I matter to me, that what others think about me matters but has no affect on how I perceive and feel about myself and that all of my emotions are valid, the good, bad and ugly ones. I think it's also about being aware of what I can and cannot control and surrendering to the flow of life and knowing that I can always find my center and ground myself by just sitting and being aware of my breathing and just being. It's also about knowing intuitively and feeling that I will be ok no matter what.

I read recently that learning to love ourselves is a life-long process and I believe it. so many of us were never taught anything about how to do it and a lot of us were shamed, punished and abused for showing any signs of it or trying to do it as kids.

[Starrlight in reply to designguy]

I also think it will be a lifelong learning process. I had a very critical father growing up and grades were not that great until college, and was sexually abused which caused shame. I was told that I was a bad kid in front of people. But I now am trying to instill self worth and emotional intelligence in my kids but I don’t really ‘get’ it myself. At least I try and will be asking my therapist to help.

I love what you say about being aware of what we can and cannot control and surrendering to the flow of life, centering, grounding, by breathing and just being. I’m trying to be right now as I’m in a bad place but hope to get out of this as I am putting my myself down today and being triggered by people close to me. Thanks for sharing Designguy!!!

[designguy in reply to Starrlight]

You're welcome Starrlight, sorry you are doing so well right now. One of the more recent helpful things I did in therapy was realize that the shame I had was not my shame and it was the shame of my perpetrators, parents and the people who had bullied me and it had been forced on me because I was to young to know better and punished and shamed further for trying to stand up for myself. IT WAS NOT MY SHAME AND I NO LONGER NEEDED TO CARRY IT AND IT WAS NEVER MY FAULT - IT WAS THEIRS! This realization and even acknowledging it and feeling it emotionally really started to make a difference for me.

Unfortunately a lot of our parents just continued and perpetuated their shame on to us without having any awareness what they were doing and realizing they didn't need to act that way. It doesn't excuse it but it does help us understand it to some degree and most importantly forgive ourselves for what they did and truly accept that it wasn't our fault. I hope you are able to get to a point where when you are triggered it no longer has the emotional power to impact you. The last therapy I did was emdr therapy which is really good for healing this and trauma. Take care of yourself.

[14andahalfandstable]

I get really annoyed in the UK as Managers are sent on Emotional Intelligence courses, however if you are an employee and want to go on a course about EI you can't find one, I've tried. I think the idea behind sending managers on EI courses is that they learn to better handle their staff, all I can say is that a LOT of my managers could have done with EI training. After I left an office environment and had a year off I finally got diagnosed with EUPD and attachment issues, all I can say is that I hate jumped-up managers with no feelings for their employees, and now have real issues with authority, so I am now self-employed, which has its drawbacks, but at the moment works for me. I am looking to return to a 'normal' working environment in a year or two for a few years before I retire. I will try some of the other suggestions made on here x

[Starrlight in reply to 14andahalfandstable]

Hi 14andahalfandstable! I think that the employees deserve courses the same as managers.

What is EUPD?

Sounds like you are doing what you need and have a good plan for work.

[14andahalfandstable]

EUPD is Emotionally unstable personality disorder, it used to be called BDP, but I think the new name describes it better, as I usually went off the rails when I felt as if I was emotionally being pushed into a corner, and like a cornered animal I would lash out at anyone in the vicinity, unless I felt they were vulnerable too. It wasn't pretty, I would sometimes just get in my car and drive like a maniac, fortunately it didn't take me that long to calm down, had I killed someone I wouldn't have been bothered because it basically just makes you go over the edge. However I am now in a stable long-term relationship with a lovely guy who doesn't want that much from me, 4th time lucky. No 1 was just a disappointment, he didn't really love me, just wanted a trophy wife, nos 2 & 3 were much worse emotionally. Fortunately I found no 4, when I wasn't really looking, I never looked really, nos 1 & 2 chased me, easy target I suppose, but I turned out not to be that easy. I think as you get older you learn not to believe that 'The One' is everything you want in a person, just everything you need, faithful, trusting, caring and not selfish. Wishing you all the best Dee x

[Starrlight in reply to 14andahalfandstable]

Thanks so much for sharing about EUPD. Wishing you the best too.

[Lookingforpeace]

For me, it is only proven that I have emotional intelligence by my actions. This includes practicing self-care, setting boundaries, being assertive and working on achieving my goals. I have to be mindful and put this into practice every day. I have to gauge my self-worth before making major decisions.

[Starrlight in reply to Lookingforpeace]

Good for you. It sounds like you are doing a great job 😊

Thanks for sharing.