Lately as I try to distract from triggers of my deep fears, whenever I go to read or watch something or have a conversation, a word or picture or concept triggers me also. Everything seems tainted too. I can’t find safety for long…Ocd checking, repeating phrases, and scary thoughts are really bothering me. Even thdd we most beautiful rose doesn’t count today for done reason. I feel like I don’t want to exist with this type of negativity so I really need to retrain my brain to go to the stuff that’s all good. My heart feels so sensitive and delicate right now I just want a bit of strength somehow to take me to a better place. I know I need truth and part of me is scared to see it, oh well.
My brother’s birthday is coming up on the 19th and I think that’s part of it because of all the bad things that have ever happened, him taking his life was the most disturbing and saddest thing I've gone through.
I guess I needed to write this out and hopefully I can cheer up soon. I have many things to be grateful for only there are dark shadows covering in front of the good so I can’t see straight right now. Help me see again? Share something positive with me?
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Oh sweet friend. You have a bright light. I see it shine in you. Even on your most difficult days you keep that light burning. Despite the pain you continue to focus on being the best you can be at that moment.
Your brother's birthday approaching is a very painful time. These memories of what happened to him are on the surface and they hurt. I'm so sorry for this pain.
You are a beautiful woman ⭐️. You will get through this. Meditate, walk with Coco, look at your beautiful boys, rest, pamper yourself.
I know you can find the light . You are so strong and you have given me so many words of wisdom . Just focus on the good things and I know you like flowers so here two picture of a really nice orchids I saw.
Hey! The insight and strength I gained after my wife’s suicide is a silver lining. I have been struck by your insight and kindness. It doesn’t take away the pain or darkness or grief, but maybe we are better for
This female robin was busy collecting nesting material, while the male robin was on guard high in a tree, watching her go back and forth to the nest. She would fly to the same area to collect mud and twigs to bring back, so I could anticipate her return. As she made her way back to the nest, she would often stop to gather lichen to add to the material she already carried in her beak. She always managed to fly it up to the nest and tuck it carefully into the nest. —Margo Swainson
you are wonderful, and let that light shine through, most of us are super sensitive and that’s why we struggle so much, I know your brothers passing always brings up bad memories for you, he chose his path, he is free from pain now, watching over you lots love dear friend xxx
I don’t want this life today. I am trying to be grateful 🥹 it feels bad to wish to not be here but it’s just how I feel… I’m so upset and overwhelmed so I have to recall to take one small bit of life at a time. Maybe poetry class with my kiddos will help the mood. Blessings
I think I will focus on taking it easy and on acceptance. Thank you, Snow. It seems it will last forever but you are right it passes. I’m so triggered yes and I’m struggling so badly. I feel like something horrible will happen 😔
I can’t keep doing this… something has got to give
Its about both of us and you’re right we ARE strong and well versed in making it through. Thanks for being here it’s helpful you are going through it with me. Well off to dentist cleaning soon. Perfect timing for feeling stronger since people touching my teeth or possibly loosing my teeth is a fear of mine no matter if it seems logically would not happen I still fear it. Let’s keep in touch, ❤️
i do understand because I have intrusive thoughts that can take you over and it's really difficult to deal but with time help and support and some therapy you can come to feel more at ease. There are lots of people out there with the same issues so you are not alone ..... it can get better. Go on YouTube and do some research and find ways to calm your mind rember your thoughts aren't fact and it's not you but just the anxiety hope I have bought you some comfort 💙💜💙💜
I reread this and I feel comfort that you understand. I also did some very hard things today and now I can relax a little. Thanks for being here for me.
I didn’t say what I felt before which is sad that you had the trauma in childhood, and I’m soooooo sorry about your brother. How are you doing, beautiful?
Me too, stuck way inside my mind. Let’s look forward to things. Hmmmmm I’m looking forward to relief I’m looking forward to sleep… I’m looking forward to family visiting and the kids dressing up for Halloween and my middle sons 15th birthday!
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Scary thought after another
I don’t know how to be positive. Need help. 
A triggering thought 
Trigger warning: passive suicide thoughts
Changes need to happen, but they are scary
