Barely keeping up... lost... praying

[Starrlight]

Everything we go through now is preparing us for something greater soon. Part of me believes this. Mostly I don’t believe. I’m lost...where’s God? I can’t keep going like this.

...Part of me keeps fantasizing about ending it. I need relief. Right now I don’t know how to see straight... I’m lost...

...After every difficulty comes ease...

...I’m still lost. Life moves too fast ; I don’t know if I can keep keeping up. Things just keep getting worse. I feel like I have nothing left in me to move on with. I pray... but caught in a web of disbelief...

[Caseopia]

I feel the same way often but I refuse to give up. I have family that loves me. That’s what I keep in mind.

[Starrlight in reply to Caseopia]

Beautiful Yeah that’s why I’m still existing; for my family. Even when they get frustrated with me and I feel so low, I’d hate to hurt them in any way. I feel like the illness makes me so scared that I go too far in trying to makes things right, that I mess things up and I end up annoying people. I’m so so sad.

[Indiegal in reply to Starrlight]

I can relate to feeling like I'm just annoying people and pushing them away all the time. I'm not sure if I really am or if it's just the depression making me feel insecure and that no one wants to be around me.

[Starrlight in reply to Indiegal]

Exactly! I’m so sorry you go through this struggle too. It really hurts.

[Hidden]

Oh Starlight, I went through several years of hell that have left me questioning my faith as well. I have realized that there are SO many feeling this way at times. Lost. That’s a good word to describe it. I forced myself to go out and meet people and quit hiding. The more I was alone with my thoughts the more disastrous my mind turned everything. I still have days. But you know? I don’t think we’re an “accident” of being created. I believe we are here to learn and perfect ourselves. Our spirits have come from heaven and to heaven we all return. Be strong.....one think I know is that our lives change on a dime. Sometimes for better and sometimes not. We owe it to our selves to do the best we can and believe things do get better. They inevitably do. We all love you and hope you comment again. Please don’t write off counseling or meds.....see your primary care dr

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I don’t think I’m in a spot where I can be reaching out to people like my old nor newer friends that I barely talk to anymore. I just can’t. I have my family to distract me from my thoughts but of course that doesn’t turn my mind off, and I feel they get frustrated by my impatience with things, I try to finish everything fast and try to understand projects by talking through them in a way that stresses people out I think. A project stays running through my mind for weeks until it is done I have no rest from the thoughts, even though it’s being worked on, until it’s over, how to push it aside? I want out of this negativity. I’m ruining my life. Everything seems so huge and I can’t seem to figure problems out and end up just failing. I don’t want to live anymore. I feel defeated.

Thanks I think I’ll pray and try to be strong. I don’t know what else to do. I’m not up for much at all.

My goal today is to practice positive thinking and to just be to let go...

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

If you can possibly get to a therapist, someone you have a good vibe from, take that chance. I think they could help you. Sometimes we get stuck in a “feeling” that leads us to certain actions like impatience, overthinking, etc. And before you know it you’ve been in this rut for a long time. . I’m not talking about a psychiatrist or a dr. A good rated therapist or counselor, even from a church or a sliding scale fee with your city or county might help if insurance doesn’t cover it. And I understand thinking things through in a way that irritates some! I do the same thing.....peoples brains do function differently from one another. I’ve been where you are and a therapist got me to see my issues in a new light. I was finally able to let go of a lot of things ( I’m still working on other issues). One foot in front of the other, you go about your life the best you can but please know I have been to that point and I’m so glad now I held on. Our lives are constantly changing.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thank you soooooo much. I ’m trying to get myself to my therapist.

[All_alone]

Hi Starr. I'm sorry we are both there right now. I'm glad you have your family. The silence of this house gets to me at times. Hugs!

[Starrlight in reply to All_alone]

I’m so sorry. We don’t deserve it. So the quiet of the house is the reason you are struggling? And I bet other things. There are so many on my list. If it would help you please talk to me about what’s getting you.

[All_alone in reply to Starrlight]

Like you, so many things. The loneliness/isolation is hard but I'm too exhausted to do anything about it.

[Starrlight in reply to All_alone]

I hear you. ❤️

[newbie1956]

Dear dear Star,

On my own, I have no answers, except examples of other imperfect humans.

The ancient King, David was often in dire straits, yet Psalm 25: 4, 5 shows how he prayed, his request was simply this. " SHOW me thy ways, O Jehovah; TEACH me thy paths. GUIDE me in thy truth..." (a common translation)

It's the motive and purpose God hears and answers. But first we must believe that he is the One who hears and rewards.

He knows your tears, just as you're aware of your children's concerns. How pleased when your child comes to you. It's an open invitation from Our Father.

In the Holy writings this is not only penned but has been proven. John 3:16 sums up the perfect Gift God has given. When we accept what God has freely offered us, we desire to know more about Him.

Jesus taught us to "Ask...only then can we receive" also "Keep on asking, in faith, and it will be given..."