Intrusive thoughts of self harm

[Mavis12]

I’ve been self harm free for 5 years now.

It’s been a really, really hard few months for me to say the least.

I just keep thinking, “what’s the point?”

I can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

I self-harmed for the release that the pain gave me. So that I could feel something instead of feeling so numb all of the time.

The numbness is creeping back and I’m just scared. I don’t want to go back to self-harming but it’s so unbelievably tempting right now.

I just felt like I needed to vent here.

😔🖤

[Hidden]

Doing any harm to yourself is what none of us here want among you.

There is always light at the end of a tunnel as much as light within us. Find the light inside of you and such temptations will fade away.

Doing harm to one’s self will indeed harm others. Please do your best to believe and find peace among yourself. 🙏🏻

[Michael8072]

Hi Mavis! Congrats on 5 years. That's awesome. Continue to keep that going. Keep sharing and venting away.

[Hidden]

FIVE years! I agree with Michael. That is really terrific! Do you want to share one thing that has been hard these last few months to have something to talk about?

[Mavis12]

Thank you everyone. Your kind words mean so much to me 🖤

I’ve just been dealing with issues with my alcoholic dad.

I’ve tried cutting him out of my life completely because that’s what my therapist said would be best for me right now since my anxiety and depression have gotten so much worse.

But it’s just hard.

I know he’s done such crappy things to me and my siblings our whole lives but he’s still my dad. I just wish it wasn’t like this.

[hypercat54 in reply to Mavis12]

Just because he is your dad doesn't mean he isn't toxic! I have been through with my parents and there is no point in wishing things were different - they aren't and are never going to be. You can't get blood out of a stone.

I often wished I had a different family with a mother who is supposed to be caring and nurturing, but long realised it was never going to happen. The more I batted my head against this the worse I felt. You have to accept things the way they are which is the key to contentment.

You need to get the help and support you need from other members of the family who love you, and also from good friends x

[Mavis12 in reply to hypercat54]

I understand what you’re saying and you’re right. It’s just taken a lot of time and hurt to get to this point. I lack a spine and I’m a push over.

He would call me drunk and leave me awful voicemails or texts and I would just try to forget it and move on.

Thank you so much for your advice though, I really appreciate it 🖤

[hypercat54 in reply to Mavis12]

No you don't lack a spine and stop being a pushover! I always think do I have the word 'Mug' on my forehead. No I don't and nor do you.

You have to be in the time and place for your healing and if people are holding you back them drop them, certainly for the time being. x

[clayjars in reply to Mavis12]

Hi Mavis95, I'm sorry you're in such a mess. I want to tell you that this mess is not your fault. You are not responsible and should not let your dad or anyone tell you that you are the source of the problem. Your dad is hurting you and I know that it hurts a lot, but perhaps it hurts a lot more for you to push him away. You have a gentle soul, Mavis. But please remember that right now, loving your dad is to be firm with him. Is there something you can do to keep him from continuing to hurt you? I would like to share a link bit.ly/2iQkGKg I hope you will find helpful resources there. Hugs~

[Mavis12 in reply to clayjars]

Thank you so much for your kind words and for that link.

Right now I’m just keeping a big distance between us.

[Hidden]

I hope things will work out for you Mavis.. take care of yourself.

[Mavis12 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much 🖤

[clayjars]

Mavis, I'm glad to hear that you're keeping a safe distance. Please don't feel bad for saying "no." Sometimes we need to say "no", especially to those who hurt us. It doesn't mean you are evil or selfish. It's just about boundaries.

[Mavis12 in reply to clayjars]

Thank you for your kind words 🖤