I’m not going to get into any specifics or this post will be extremely long. I’m in a bit of a family feud with one of my first cousins. We had a blow out argument and we aren’t speaking. However, during said argument she revealed that she and her sisters have been speaking about me behind my back.
I’m not the type of person to throw what others say back into their faces so I’ve said nothing to her two sisters (my other cousins). Her oldest sister has been reaching out to me to talk but I literally don’t trust her anymore.
I’ve just been avoiding her as much as I can. I don’t know how to tell her that I am not comfortable confiding in her anymore. Just wanted to see if you guys had any thoughts? Thank you for reading!
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southernbelle87
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I've had a similar experience with my sister and it is a terrible, heart-breaking experience, the best thing I've come up with is to just stop telling her anything personal. If your cousin demands to know why you won't share anything with her, maybe tell her what she did hurt you and that you don't feel safe talking to her anymore. Leave it at that and walk away.
I would stop confiding in her. I would also set a boundary.... these discussions are off the table, a part of me is not comfortable with talking about this.
Good advice. I don't speak to my sister. She is toxic, abusive and I don't trust her. Just talk to your other cousins if you want to but don't confide in them.
Your right to avoid them for the time being, you're hurt and feel betrayed, that takes a bit of time to heal. But for future encounters... may I suggest that you limit your conversation to more generalized topics. Put up boundaries as you know there isn't the same trust you had before. Trust has to be earned, and I don't think I'd talk to them about it unless they bring it up.
you can be cautious and still listen. I encourage you to talk to the one who is reaching out. Not doing so could result in regret later on.
I got into a fight with my cousin and it was 20 years before we talked. I still don’t completely trust her because of the way she will just cut me off when she gets mad. She’ll say “don’t text me again “ When you cut somebody off like that you have taken control of the relationship. If you are the person who was cut off you don’t have much recourse to make amends or heal the relationship. You basically have to accept their decision and move on. The first time I wrote a letter and it was ignored. Eventually you get over it and the relationship is lost forever even if the person doing the cutting off wants to talk. So think very carefully on what you want going forward. You usually don’t have blow outs with people you don’t care about.
I will add that you try to keep the conversation flowing as long as she contacts you or are in a family meeting, or should you need to contact her (nevertheless, if she snubs your message, please keep to yourself and do not message her again except for a reply). But, I don’t think telling her you don’t trust her is necessary. If she is observant, she can deduce that you have limited the information she is privy to and, expectantly, should adjust without being informed. Anyway, I wish you all the best and a speedy reconciliation.
Families Yes.... Always a Tricky one! All I can advise is 'Don't Stop 'Seeing' her'- just Don't TELL Her 'Anything'. Talk, quite happily, about the Weather, Shopping, Clothes/ Shoes, Restaurants/ Burger Bars and ALL 'That' sort of Thing.... Even her Car, if she wants.
A 'good' Chat, about the latest Screen/ Music 'Star', even the latest Soap- be that a Bath Product or a TV Show. Yes loads to Talk About, without going ANYWHERE Near the Personal Stuff. If she has a Passion for say Soft Toys, or Ice Cream..... Do you see what I mean?
You may even 'Find' you actually 'get on' Much Better.
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