A recent update,pkease help people,I need your guidance

[sumeetthakur1981]

I had posted this sometime ago

Married with 2 kids for 12 years recently I started feeling attracted towards a girl in the office, she is married,most probably not interested in this,anyway I don't want to be interested in this either,but sadly I am because I started matching my meal times to see her,then I knew I messed up,already under treatment for sleep issues and anxiety since 2016

The girl and I don't work together,only common thing is the bus we travel

so as a therapist suggested,I tried talking to her,we share a common group for bus timings,to make her notice I posted some of my educational details I did while working

She congratulated me,so I thought fine,it would be a good way to interact atleast to know what my feelings are actually

As she is in hr,I asked her if she could help me to update my details,she called me over,she had a meeting going on,no idea why did she call in the first place,I returned after sometime,she was with her boss,I waited,well she knew I was there,maybe she did have something important,I don't know,she came out later,apologized,I said I can come any other day,she said it is ok,she was going to stay late,she did explain everything about what I came for,but any little bit away from the conversation was not responded,like I said I need your guidance to select a further course,not much response

I said I had been in shift duty for 15 years and I want to move on

Not much response either

I said thanks for your encouraging comment,a little smile and she said Yea you did good

So in my conclusion I did not think she was interested in a casual friendship either so that I could get to know my feelings

Situation today

I sm completely avoiding the person and yes I realised what kind of mess I was heading into

So I have started spending more time with my kids,

Over the time,I kept myself asking,close my eyes and see whom do you want?It is always my wife,never doubted that,

So later kept pondering why that girl,of all the people,I could come up with one reason,true or false I don't know,I never had any female friends,not in school,not in college,in workplace too we are male dominated company

She was right there,among all the gents,yes there are 2 other females working as long as I do,but they got familiar and not much talking to them either,and both are married to my colleagues

Over some days the feeling got reduced but still I have a fleeting hope that I may run into her,I once posted something smartass on the chat group we share so she could read,

So please help me understand,if these fleeting though after reduced urge to talk to her,these fleeting urges occur?

[Frederik96]

Is this what you feel to her maybe just the expression you feel for maybe don’t live the life you want ? I mean are you happy in your marriage ? Or is it just that you like her to change your actual life ? I mean you have feelings for a person as long as you are married that’s really long

[Blueruth]

I think this was mentioned before. Humans can be attracted to more than one person. You can be attracted to one and love someone else. Your logic is disconcerting... She must not like you... who cares if she does or doesn't?... you said you love your wife. Then honor her. Honestly this is the difference between some men and most women. If I am attracted to a married man (which I have been) I simply wouldn't act on it. I wouldn't ask if he likes me... wouldn't try to have an off private relationship... it is just out of bounds, end of story. You met a woman you think is awesome... appreciate it and move on.

[sumeetthakur1981 in reply to Blueruth]

I am not looking into having anything to do with her,I am just worried about the fleeting thoughts and urges which are hammering me

[Blueruth in reply to sumeetthakur1981]

That's part of life. They fade. The advice is the same. How do you deal with other cravings? Are you unable to control your urges?

[Genuineguy in reply to Blueruth]

He said hes not having anything to do with her and is avoiding her. Theres your answer right there.

[Blueruth in reply to Genuineguy]

"I once posted something smartass on the chat group we share so she could read,"

[sumeetthakur1981 in reply to Blueruth]

I don't even have the urge to see her anymore or the urge to go out of the way to see her,the way I used to do,but thus text,I did it before even realizing what I was doing,I don't even remember if I did that so that she could notice it or just to make a joke

I absolutely stay away and after this I won't text

But my worry is,after controlling the urge, does it go away

[Blueruth in reply to sumeetthakur1981]

is there an emotion that doesn’t?

[sumeetthakur1981 in reply to Blueruth]

That is the issue,except late night d

snacking,never had any cravings,no booze,no smoking,no drugs, nothing

Only other weak point is shopping which is automatically controlled by money

[Hidden]

Hello. I happen to be a 52 year old woman. I don’t want to reveal too many details about my personal life, I try to be a private person. But I think I should tell you some stuff so you don’t make the same mistakes I did. I was in a committed relationship for a long time. We never had children. When I turned 40 I was very frustrated with the man I was with. We were constantly bickering and arguing. I wasn’t happy. I started to get to know a very handsome single man who was living in my apartment building. I wasn’t setting out to get involved with him, but I was angry with my significant other. This handsome guy was giving me attention that I wasn’t getting from who I was with. Well, you don’t need to know all the stupid details but I ended up briefly getting involved with him. I was being really stupid, this guy was really only after one thing. I completely damaged my committed relationship. So that was back when I was 40, fast forward to now. We are separated. We still talk to each other on the phone sometimes as friends, but it just didn’t work out and a big part of the blame is on me for being an idiot. You are married and you have children. You said vows to your wife when you got married and your wife went through pregnancy and labor to bear your children. If you somehow got involved with this woman at your job you are jeopardizing your relationships with your wife and your kids!!! Sooner or later your wife will know!!! So get off of fantasy island and deal with reality. It’s okay to be attracted to other people, it’s NOT okay to act on it!!! Maybe you and your wife could use some kind of marriage counseling. Why aren’t you still attracted to her??? What’s really going on here???!!! Only you know the answer to that.

[sumeetthakur1981 in reply to Hidden]

I don't intend to act on it,in fact I have told my wife and my father about this,I just had a session with my therapist,I asked my wife to accompany me,the doctor says it us obsessive thoughts because I have not fone anything except maybe a few excursions to see the pwrson which actually made me realize that I was slipping and I completely stopped

The only setback was that out of an impulse I posted some smartass comment,not to the person,but out if a fleeting hope that she might notice it,I don't even know if that was true or maybe I just wanted to sound cool,not particularly to that oerson either,

But just for the sake of thinking that maybe I did do that,for getgetting attention from the person,that actually started the new anxiety attack

I showed the message to my wife and my therapist too,both say it is nothing