A major test, and a small victory...

[RupertBrown]

i have spent the last year or so on here reading all about boundaries and standing up for yourself. These behaviors were completely foreign to me for almost my entire life. Tonight I was put to the test. I was put in a situation where I had to be firm with someone close to me. I literally felt light headed the entire time. It was like an out of body experience for me. This person thinks they are helping but their insistent nature is a major trigger for me, and I had to face it full force. It was one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had. While I didin't fully get my point across, I was able to defuse the situation and establish that I won't tolerate pushiness going forward. I'm going to need to spend some time with tonights events, but for right now I'm going to call it a win. I have never been put to this kind of test before and I made it through it without losing my cool (on the outside, on the inside I'm a mess right now and I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep tonight). I feel like tonight was a big step for me. I just hope I don't falter.

[Hidden]

Yeah at work they try to push me for more work on my day off but I managed to stay cool and tell them no. It is the only day I can do the shopping. She was saying desperate but I stayed firm.

[RupertBrown in reply to Hidden]

Good for you. Its hard at work sometimes, but you have to say no once in a while.

[Hidden]

Sounds like you might be dealing with a narcissistic and manipulative person. They’re tricky to handle. I’ve got some issues with my Dad, he’s like that. He doesn’t like it if I don’t go along with what he wants.

[RupertBrown in reply to Hidden]

Yeah, this person can be manipulative and very selfish at times. And unbelievably pushy. It was very hard to deal with, I was honest and firm and didn't let him strongarm me. Again, all of this is new to me. All I have ever done is just go along with whatever people want from me. This is new territory. Not exactly sure how I did. This was a big deal for me. I overthink everything and it might take a while to sort out how I feel about it.

[Hidden in reply to RupertBrown]

There’s a YouTube channel that has been very helpful to me when dealing with difficult people. It’s Doctor Ramani. She has a popular channel where she talks about dealing with narcissistic people. She’s a clinical psychologist and she’s very smart. I’ve read two of her books.

[RupertBrown in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the info, I'm going to check that out.

[designguy]

Good for you Rupert, that is a big win and good for you for being proud of yourself and celebrating! Now your inner child knows you can stand up for yourself and it will give you more confidence to do it again if you need to.

[RupertBrown in reply to designguy]

i hope so, that ordeal the other night was harrowing. It was awkward and wierd and it didn't feel like me, if that makes sense. I'm not looking forward to the next time. I'm glad I did it though and I'm sure it does get easier. Its kind of hard to imagine it gets much harder lol.

[designguy in reply to RupertBrown]

Yes, it makes perfect sense because because the old you wasn't comfortable with confrontation and standing up for yourself and it is familiar and safe. In order to grow you have to push out of your comfort zone and accept the discomfort. By doing it you are letting your inner child know that you can stand up for yourself and you will start to trust yourself more and it will get easier.