Major Anxiety

[dsprague]

Hello, i am new to this so bear with me haha. Basically I did a not so good thing and am having massing guilt about that, and major anxiety about everything happening, with the protests/riots (don’t make this political please) and covid-19. I’ve had my anxiety under control for a good 8 months now and it all came back at once and with full force, i haven’t slept well in two days, probably have gotten 2 maybe 3 hours of sleep. I’m also having anxiety attacks pretty frequently about 2-3 a day. It feels like my heart is running a marathon and my brain is overloading with negative thoughts. So please, anything that might help stop this would be much appreciated. Thank You!

[Catlady234]

Hi there! I can relate so hard to you, a little over a year ago I almost ruined my life over a small issue that I let get completely out of control. I screwed up and it very nearly cost me my life. Ever since this I’ve struggled immensely with consuming guilt and an overwhelming feeling of shame. I also have major depressive disorder and extreme anxiety from it. I was almost completely alone for a long time as all of my friends and a lot of my family saw me as nothing but a liar and a terrible person, I was incredibly lucky to still have one amazing friend and my mom and aunt who never left my side.

I’ve spent the last year in therapy and trying to find different combinations of medications to help ease symptoms. Are you doing these things? Therapy is very helpful, it’s just nice to talk to someone who is completely impartial to my situation and only has my best interests at heart. I also spent about 10 days in a mental health facility when things got to be too much and I was becoming scared of the direction my thoughts were going. I always tell people that while this isn’t what most people want it is a very good thing to do if things are out of control and you really need help. I was able to spend a lot of time working on my issues without fear of judgment from other people.

I hope that you have someone to talk to, I also want you to know that no matter what happened or what you did it does not define you as a person. You are not a bad person! We all make questionable choices sometimes but that does not erase all the good things you’ve done in your life. I’m sure that you were a “good” person before whatever happened in your life, please remember that you are still the same person that you were before that happened. I am here to talk if you are ever feeling bad or are overwhelmed with guilt or shame, please know that you are not alone!

[dsprague in reply to Catlady234]

I have my mom, she’s being awesome. Luckily it hasn’t gotten too far out of control. I have no self harm thoughts is more of the guilt and i almost had police involved and since i’m not white and everything going on with the cops it intensified things, i have a meeting actually today at noon with a psychologist. i’ve learned a bit how to forgive myself, and i’m doing better. I just have a lot of anxiety and some i can’t explain for right now, but i’m hoping it gets better soon. i got past it once in the past, i took therapy for about 3 months and it helped a lot and right now i’m using recourses provided by my school.

[Catlady234 in reply to dsprague]

I’m glad you’re meeting with a psychologist, that’s an excellent step! Thank goodness for your mom, make sure you keep talking to her and keep her updated on your treatment so she knows where you’re at and how you’re doing. It sounds like you are taking a lot of good steps and have in the past as well. Things will get better as long as you’re being proactive about your treatment and self care.

As far as the turmoil that is happening across the world right now, I’m so incredibly sorry that you have experienced difficulties and concerns simply because of the color of your skin. It is so incredibly wrong and I can not even begin to imagine the stress and anxiety that must cause. While I obviously don’t know you, please know that I care about you regardless of skin color or what happened in your past. You are important and you deserve to be happy and safe. I hope my post isn’t wrong or not what you need to hear, I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this!

I do sincerely care about you though and I hope things can get better

[dsprague in reply to Catlady234]

you are a amazing help just having someone who has/is going through the same thing i am is great. i just hope i can get it under control because i really don’t want this taking over my life and not being able to go anywhere without being nervous. i have a feeling once the protest ends, the anxiety will calm down

[dsprague in reply to Catlady234]

i just hope i can get better soon because i miss not worrying about things and within one day that all changed because i had a lapse in judgement

[Catlady234 in reply to dsprague]

Maybe talk to your mom about your inability to sleep? I do think you’re correct about that, not sleeping is awful and makes everything seem 10x worse! Maybe you guys could find a natural or homeopathic remedy to help you get some sleep. While that may sound silly they really can help and there is no fear of becoming dependent on them.

I understand the feeling of just wanting to be happy again. It can start to feel so overwhelming sometimes that you feel lost and desperate to feel normal again. Just try to remember that this is only a temporary situation and with help and work you can get there again, it may take time and you might experience more bumps in the road along the way, but one day you’ll wake up from a restful nights sleep and you’ll feel that odd sensation of happiness creep into your mind and you’ll feel good again. I like to try to picture what I want and how I want to feel, it doesn’t always help but it does serve as a good distraction on bad days. I try to think of things that do make me feel happy; my cats, dogs and horses, going hiking, getting lost in a really good book, cooking, sitting in my screen porch on a quiet summer evening and listening to the birds sing, smelling the lilac bushes through my kitchen window, etc.. Just little things that make me feel happy or calm. Sometimes it can be the little things that make the biggest difference.

As far as a lapse in judgment goes, I would try to be aware of why you had that lapse and maybe try to avoid situations that would put you in that position again. I think you’re doing well simply because you know what happened was wrong, you acknowledged it and don’t want it to happen again. That’s a good attitude and a good way to try to not let it happen again. Don’t beat yourself up too hard for making a mistake, I know better than most that s**t happens sometimes. I firmly believe though that what matters more than the actual incident itself is how you choose to respond to it and live your life moving forward. I think you’re doing a good job, just keep trying and take things a day at time.

[dsprague in reply to Catlady234]

my mom actually been the one staying up with me helping me think positively. she’s literally gotten no sleep just to make sure i’m okay. It’s more of i think anxiety from trauma of how close i was to being in trouble with the cops, and how my f****** race can shorten my life span is what scares me, the fact how i could literally go reach for a pencil and a cop may assume that i’m a threat. or if i take a extra second to put my hands up.

[Catlady234 in reply to dsprague]

Your mom sounds like a truly amazing person. We are so lucky to have wonderful moms in our lives. I’m sure she worries herself sick about you and how awful the world is right now.

It absolutely makes me sick to my stomach that you should ever have to worry about the color of your skin in this day and age. The level of racism and discrimination that are prevalent right now is sickening. I am so sorry that as a white woman I really can never understand the fear you must feel, that is so unfair and I hate it. But that does not mean that I accept it or will stand by and do nothing about it. I worry about you and all people of color and I sincerely hope that we can make significant changes to our system that so desperately need to happen.

Police and all people of power need to be held responsible for their heinous actions.

I understand why you feel anxious right now and I think you have every right to feel that way. While things are bad right now let’s hope that all of this is not in vain and maybe, just maybe, we can see some positive changes come from it. I don’t think people are going to be willing to just back down this time, I think they are going to stick it out for the long haul, until we start seeing change happen. I hope so, for you and your sweet mom and all people of color. Please remember that there are a lot of people around the world right now that care about you and are doing everything they can to try to make changes so you don’t have to be scared anymore. You deserve that, you deserve to walk down the street without worrying and I hope more than anything we can get there for you.

Anxiety can be a beast, especially in times like these, I think it’s great that you are seeking help. Please remember to tell your psychiatrist everything so that can really help you get to the root of the problem.

Again, I’m sorry if my words aren’t right for the situation, I try but I’ve never been a very good communicator.

Please hang in there and good luck at therapy. I think it will really help you in this situation. I sincerely hope that you can be happy again, you deserve that!

[dsprague in reply to Catlady234]

This Conversation today itself helps a ton. you are a great person and i thank you so much for being here today and helping me. i have the call in 10 minutes and hopefully they can help..

[Pineapple1986 in reply to dsprague]

This is beautiful!!! My moms is doing this for me right now!!!

[dsprague in reply to Catlady234]

i’m hoping that i get so tired i crash and it helps at least some of it. some of my anxiety is probably caused by my lack of sleep

[Pineapple1986 in reply to dsprague]

Hey!! I’ve been up for 4 days starting Monday consumed in fear! I asked my boyfriend to leave to his home town for the time being and my mom came in. I went for a run and we went for a 3 hour walk. I was so tired. I had Kolonopin from my last anxiety and i took one pill around 5 PM. I just woke up after 13 hours of sleep. Even if you have no pill. Go exhaust your body and believe me you’ll fall asleep! I promise you!! Stay strong!

[dsprague in reply to Pineapple1986]

thank you!! i’m trying to get myself tired enough, i hope though once i wake up i feel better.

[Pineapple1986 in reply to dsprague]

You will! I’m felling great!

[dsprague in reply to Pineapple1986]

I’m gonna try it tonight! i want to sleep at night because that’s when the anxiety is at its worst

[Bbunny]

I find keeping my mind busy helps me. Its when I slow down that my mind speeds up. Spending time outside has also helped me. I have found hobbies such as woodwork and flowers to give me something on a daily to do. Hope thid helps. Hang in there.

[dsprague in reply to Bbunny]

Yes! i am doing this as well, my dog hates me for it cause she’s lazy and i’m now taking her on 3-5 walks a day lol! also a new season of a show i watch came out today so i have that keeping me up. and i have a package coming today that is also keeping me awake

[dsprague]

UPDATE: It’s been 3 nights of not sleeping, i have been getting like short 30 minute naps. The Anxiety is getting worse due to insomnia and it is scary. it’s been like i’ve been scared of everything for no reason and it sucks. When i try to sleep it just feels like my heart is going to explode along with pulsing in my head. it’s been rough.