just crying out

[Adamj]

I want to wake up from this nightmare I can’t handle any of this anymore the sensations the feelings the pain. I’m so overwhelmed and stressed. I want to know wtf my body is doing. I’m praying that this Zoloft will be the thing that actually helps but so far I’ve not really noticed much of anything besides random intense nausea and it’s been two weeks. Yes I know it can take up to 6 months. I’m tired of noticing every damn thing in my body. I’m so frustrated of how alone I am. I’m tired of the memories coming up in my head of having a job and being happy well content. I feel so different then I’ve ever like it feels like I’ve changed forever. I can’t even explain how I feel sometimes it’s just scary it’s like a fear or hormone runs through me. I’ve been having this thing where I stand up and feel dizzy/lightheaded and nauseous it’s like wtf is going on. I feel so alone no one contacts me in my family because “they don’t know what to say” like maybe hello or hi to start. I’m having to see my mom have to go through breast cancer again she has two different kinds they don’t understand how she’s alive. I’ve been reminded over this year just how cruel and scary this world really is. I’m trying to find myself again. It really feels like no one gets what I’m going through they all just think it’s oh I get nervous if I gotta go somewhere like no my body does weird shit out of no where or I start getting this fear over me and panic it’s just so frustrating. We’re coming up on my favorite time of year October thru January always would bring me the most joy and happiness and now I feel nothing. I feel like there’s just no more to my life. I feel like I don’t even know where I am sometimes my brain it’s gone

[Dolphin14]

I'm so sorry Adam. Life is certainly throwing you things from all directions

Dealing with friends and family is hard. You are right, some just don't get it and they probably never will unless it happens to them. The way I dealt with that was by telling them " I don't expect you to understand because I'm lost in it myself" They learned to accept and deal with it.

I'm a firm believer in different therapies to help get through this. Building coping skills has turned my life around. It's a long process and I never thought I would function in the world again. I made it I believe you can too.

Keep on going. It's a roller coaster ride and it's a tough one

🐬

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

thank you I need to remember to say that to them. I’ve made it 6 months going through this hardcore would be nice to figure out how to recover

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

It's so hard to fathom that a good life will come back. I used to look at people in my group therapy and think I would never be like the ones that made it out of the hole.

Being here helped a lot. Interacting with people that understood gave me such a huge sense of comfort.

Take it a day at a time. Try not to project ahead. Acknowledge your successful times during your day. You have them you just have to be mindful and look.

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

I’m taking it a minute at time anymore. Did you ever feel like you were dying though? Like I just get that random thing of your gonna die right now it’s so weird.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

No, my trauma led me to believe anyone in my family was going to die. So, I would panic if they got sick or I would just imagine they were sick. It was a nightmare.

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

idk why mine is so like omg I’m dying right now it got worse with being told I could have that Chiari malformation that I supposedly don’t have

And I guess the sensations are scary too

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

I would have been just as nervous about the Chiari. So glad that's not on the table anymore.

It's anxiety moving straight to panic. Just one thought and our brains go into overdrive.

Did you have any peaceful moments today

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

my sleep is so messed up I go to bed at like 5am and wake up at like 1 or 2 crazy dreams all night. Had my psychiatrist appointment today just going to keep me at 25mg of Zoloft. Now just chilling here watching qvc not buying anything just interesting what they sell sometimes.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

Do you sleep with any background noise? Music? Over time your brain will begin to focus more on the calming music.

Ate your dreams related to your health Adam? Are there any flashbacks? I was eventually given something for PTSD nightmares that helped me sleep. Not a standard sleeping pill.

I'm glad you got some chill time watching QVC. Great restraint in not buying.

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

no money to buy anything have like 20$ to my name lol. But the dreams are just random stuff that feels real though last night I had anxiety in a dream then woke up to my heart racing

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

I hated that feeling. I " slept " in a chair for a year. I could not lay my head down without racing thoughts. Then I started to be able to sleep for short periods of time and I would just wander the house. Couches to different beds, any anxiety would make me get up and move.

At least you are not running up charge cards buying things Shopping can be a coping mechanism/ addiction for some people.

Just curious, why did the Dr opt to not increase your med?

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

he said with some of my side effects he wanted me to wait and have my body get use to the 25mg and My body is so sensitive to medication

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

I thought that but just wanted to ask. It's better to take it slow.

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

yep Im trying to not focus on not wanting to take medicine

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

Excellent.

Remember when you start your Thursday to look for your moment of peace. You can do this

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

thank you

[Dolphin14 in reply to Adamj]

You are welcome

Always here for you

🐬

[Stippler]

Adamj I am sorry you are going through this. It seems to be one thing after another, bless your heart. I wish there was more I could do. I just want you to know I hear you. 🙏🙏🙏

[Adamj in reply to Stippler]

thank you no one can explain to me what tf my body is doing

[Stippler in reply to Adamj]

I wish I could offer more than words. 🙏🙏🙏

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry that your Mom is going through all this stuff with breast cancer. It must be really hard for you to witness it being her son. Try to take one day at a time, don’t let yourself get so overwhelmed. I hope and pray that everything works out.🙂

[Adamj in reply to Hidden]

thank you! I hope everything works out. Just can’t take this shit anymore

[Hidden in reply to Adamj]

It’s nice that you care so much about your Mom. Like Demi Lovato says, stay strong.🙂

[mommieb]

I just saw your post and it sounds like me. I try to take each day just a moment at a time. It is the worst when I am alone and at night. I messaged my doctor yesterday so will see if I get a reply. Try to stay strong. I know it is difficult. I try really hard to find something positive each day, no matter how hard.

[Adamj in reply to mommieb]

I try and find positive but I really feel like I get no break from this. It’s so frustrating

[mommieb]

I understand completely