24 year old Crying out for help and understanding

[maxiepepsi]

Hi, im a 24 year old female who is still getting over the traumatic events leading up to my stroke and post stroke. I honestly feel like nobody understands me or my condition and ive also been depressed from a young childhood age. So from feeling social axiety from a young age to feeling absoloutly alone, horrified, self concious, not knowing when and if i will experience another stroke, wanting to be able to feel indipendence again, so many different feelings and not knowing how to control the anger i have locked up inside as a result of feeling like i have totally lost control of MY life. psa... i get really tempered when people say oh im too young or dont worry you will heal fine because it happened at a young age. I really dont think so because i havE alot of defecits from the stroke and i also have sickle cell anemia 'hgb sc' and coming from a young independant smart little nursing school girl to having to depend on my mother and family foe almost anything 'i stress about them i have a very caring personality where i blame myself for putting them in this situstion when i know its not my fault' i hate pitty.. im a veryyy strong willed person who rather suffer than see my family suffer. I dont fully know how to just be the patient and let go and just accept help Im too busy worrying about my families health than my own. Just typing this im gettinh anxiety even tho i know this is a place for help. 😒😓

[BonnieSue]

How awful for you! I'm sorry life has thrown you this curveball!! What a rotten break!! You seem to have had plans to help others and now you need help yourself. The tables got reversed on you. This is tough to accept, isn't it?

I think you're smart enough to let go of blaming yourself pretty soon now, don't you think? You aren't the kind of person who would do this on purpose, not in a million years. It's not what you'd want under any conditions. So why not let go of the blame game? There you go...just release it...let it go...let it float away...it's not yours. It's just not you. Now you can move on to other things and not dwell on that.

[maxiepepsi in reply to BonnieSue]

Thank you i needed that 😔🙂

[BonnieSue in reply to maxiepepsi]

You're very welcome. I can picture you finding your way around this stroke and still becoming what you want to be. I'm having trouble thinking you won't do something with your life close to what you had planned all along. I could be wrong, but I could be right, too!

You still have ambition and motivation to do something with your life. And you just may find a way to do that still. You're in the early days of your recovery and you don't know exactly where your full recovery will lead you. I know it may not look so good right now, but you don't have all of the answers now either. I propose that no one has those answers right now and no one will for some time to come. It's just not that cut and dried.

And you're not one to sit out life and give up from the start. Uh-uh. Not when you'd just begun. And you've still just begun, but it's even harder now. More challenging, there are more questions now. But you haven't changed much. And THAT's what makes me a believer in you...because we are, after all talking about YOU...the ambitious one...the smart one...the independent one...the nursing school one...who hasn't changed all that much!!! Who will adapt and get where she wants to go by a different path and maybe a different goal but get there all the same!!! ...anyway, that's what I believe!!!

[Mireyaozzieg]

Am hopeing for healing of the mind and in the physical for your self and also don't blame your self...

[maxiepepsi]

Thank you guysss. Update I'm doing a bit better I'm learning to love myself for me first and my family for who they are because we all have issues dealing with and I still love them no matter what they are supportive but just to emotionally and I understand that. I've seeked some help and I'm now seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist and I'm slowly learning to trust people again cause "hurt people hurt people" that's my favorite thing to remind myself because I'm trying to stop the cycle of depression and anxiety and I think this is a wonderful safe place to seek support. I'm even thinking about starting an AA group at my church down here in Jamaica because something has to change. Our cultural way of thinking, I won't say everyone but I can only talk for myself finding therapy through many things like energy therapy, art therapy, music therapy I've been researching on them. And I find that helps ME to keep my mind off the physical and emotional pain I feel everyday and I just want to say thank you everyone who had a part in my recovery I appreciate you guys more than you know 🙃💕💕❤️