Thanks mom and dad and bullies and grandparents. Now i'm a monster and useless, paralyzed in pain (warning : harsh)

[Against_the_current]

Because of my trauma i behave in a way i lose people i love. And i'm inadequate, paralyzed in fear, can't clean, can't work. My roommate said I can't clean. My ex best friend said im a narc. I was kicked out of the first internship i applied to. Grandparents waiting for me to work while mom treating me like a kid. Giving my time, nerves, heart... to ppl just trying to get help for this pain. My trauma destroyed me. My parents destroyed me as a human.

[bowJim]

I can feel your pain, the first thing that comes to my mind is I never new or accepted what you have written about how you are and feel, I hid it, this did me no good at all, because as I found out later the body will release it, if not in emotion but in physical pain. Mental health and Pain are linked.

The other things is, I was I thought I was successful, I thought I was getting the best out of my life, reality I was not, for years and years, it affected me, reading your honest, from the heart feeling makes me feel I wish I understood myself better earlier.

I thought I was big, strong and grown up, I look like this, yet I would have never got to where I am now without professional help from trained therapists, I was not brave and not honest with my GP for years, so how could they help me. Yet when I eventually owned up, came clean with my GP, just like you are here today, I got all the help I needed from my GP. best wishes, like your profile name🙂

[Against_the_current in reply to bowJim]

Thanks for understanding. Yeah, i'm really self-counsious and authenthic. It really gets physical or finds other ways, we can't just keep it in, it has to be said or it will get out in worse forms. Glad your gp helped but my country doctors pretty much don't care and If they bother to listen about mental health they say stigmatizing stuff. I really need my gp to understand and be there for me... I need someone to care and to be able to help me. I'm searching for help so much, wishing to redeem this monster i am, and no adequate doctors and therapists. They just make it worse

[Against_the_current]

Thank you, i really need it 😭

[Against_the_current]

Everyone tells me "she should stop, this is terrible" but i can't do anything and it just panics me more. If she doesn't want to change, she can't change, only i get more anxious

[Against_the_current in reply to Against_the_current]

I'm sick of it, tired

[Against_the_current]

Thanks, i will try. Thank you for being here

[Against_the_current]

Yes, please. Thank you

[Hidden]

Just be you. Sounds like you need to find a new set of roommates/friends. There's no support for you at all. We all need someone.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

We do but alas