Anxiety was already taking over me. And then sis said mom told her to tell me we re going to Grandma's tommorrow and now i'm terrible

[Against_the_current]

I was struggling. Racing intrusive anxious thoughts. Struggling with taking care of myself, tried to clean, did it but couldn't go shopping food and meds and it's stressing me out. Went to the gym, went to dance class but still was stressing out, thinking 715437 thoughts,struggling to adult. I was feeling unwell and desided to leave. Then i saw sis called. Mom wanted her to tell me we re going to Grandma's. Out of the blues. Didn't even tell me herself. I have a training for my job at Friday and group therapy at saturday. I told mom she's telling me at the Last minute and i'm busy. Mom said okay. But i feel guilty. If i don't go, probably they will plan other going. And i will see sis and have food for a couple of days. On the other hand maybe i shouldn't feel guilty and not go there as it's bad for my mental health. And worried of viruses, since mom and sis can have something as illness. I was so anxious that i thought it's not normal, i'm dizzy and feverish, so i desided to buy a covid test and If it's positive i won't go anywhere and see where my anxiety comes from. Fortunatelly it's negative but now i gotta deside what to do and i'm already stressed as hell. My brain is frying. I can miss hte training i don't have a contract yet so nobody cares If i'm there. I can miss group therapy, last time nobody came, but i was really looking forward it. I feel like i'm going to start crying from anxiety, my brain is spasming 😭😖

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note to self.....new si5ua5ions alwys tough...lea4nint not esay ....fortuante older coahes know that.....been there...gene34ally

NOT dissapointed.......perfection after 50 years...

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Diary- admittedly always nice when students and interns (i did two long ones and a anesthesia residency- program director and prof for 9 years) nice when they can get through the adjustment period leaving home estalbishing new routines finding way through people..rough year esp at first unless they can develop people skills...u know lose he scientific precision and learn 5he cafe trade.....like waiters ande wait4resses...awesome to develop people and small talk skills learn to bs and....shoot the.....anyway..takes solme time but see at the top u just half monitor..less u scare eferyone and bumps and panics and stress par5 of it since we cant con5rol it...we remeind 5hem not to be afreaide o geting help....we dont care but that blows their minds....but we have a soft spot for kids who have to struggle 5o get 5here v the beamer crowd.......so while 5he kids 5hink we 5hink bad....naw...mad they have to start wi5th ten feet in concre5e uckets and walk in5h rain 5o shcool do their assignment 5 jobs while the frat boys and girls get smasshed and dance and pay tohave their papers done..........so...see ...internships aare designed to help people get experience and not have to get thrown in the deep end of the pool right away lke most nurses out or nursing school....anothe4 story.....wto get a fari starte never disapointed in students..just pary and pary they can stickiit out the humila5ion oflearning.....but ur not suppsedto be an expert ....at age 19........toughone to get aross to yhougn peole.....not wsy inthe learning seat....nope....they think we hink bad we know ...kid....we are not going to let any of u....bea a statitsic in soiety....so wahtever u have to do....u do.....we want u to get the exerience and training so u can have a career.....same as the daddy big bucks folks....

how in the heck do u get them to understrand that.....simple aftre a time i had them start to mentor the new terrified interns.......best way tolearn....still.....rhe army not as stupid as many educators think.......

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really really count on the kind staff to fill in the gaps give hugs and ge supportive rightly so...why i hire them...im just an over view..they have that golden touch t5hank the lord....kids just learning to leave home like ducklings and colt5s...scared to dea5h most of them and righly so..huge adjst5men5 time.....the golden stafrf like here ...god bless em....aways melt downs and and aned..human organiza5ion til we beome robots god forbidill take he problems....and t5he hand holder show them sklls t5hey pass on when their people have problems..why u hire people with fab people skills ande hearts........seldlom do t5hey get their do....

;oelwe wert dc;mg amddcared t death whenwe went through...neverwishthat on anyone....god love the kind staff et all

kids gettingt life skills.....least have a fighting chance...

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

For real it's really hard leaving home and being all alone. Rn struggling

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. So part of it is letting go of home and learning to deal with people and on our own, right?

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I don’t suffer from anxiety in general, but for me and anyone in my family, any unplanned meeting, even if it’s family, can be stressful. My feeling about things is ‘when in doubt leave it out’. There will be other times for which you can plan and prepare for well in advance. Sometimes casual meetings that just happen by themselves can be preferable. Don’t feel guilty, lots of people get worried when anticipating something ‘arranged’.