Too hard to handle..

I can't handle this anymore..I really can't..can't keep living like this day in day out..Ive been hanging on but I'm afraid I'm going to break..someone help me please.. this overthinking of guilt trip, hopelessness, worthlessness, nobody, nothing, life passing by me, unproductive, i have shame, im discusting, no self esteem, idleness, I have destroyed my beautiful soul..ive had enough..I'm almost done..

[Skopera]

You are beautiful

[Hidden in reply to Skopera]

Thank you..you are too

[Hidden in reply to Skopera]

Thank you again..I really needed to hear this..and welcome to this site..

[howard327]

Hi Elinaki, I find if hard to believe all those negative things that you are saying about yourself. Though you say your issues are small they are clearly having a bad effect on you. We in our group would like to help you but we would need to know a little more about your problems. Do you have counseling? Have you been checked by your general doc? I can say to you that I am saddened by the way that you feel. Give us a chance to understand you better.

[Hidden in reply to howard327]

Thank you..yes it is sad..and that's where I am at the moment..this is where my life has got me..yes..ive had everything on a silver platter but unintentionally and looking back I've just floated through life..I'm 42 and have nothing to show and achieved nothing except destroying myself with this illness which is eating me step by step..crawling to better myself but too weak..feeling hopeless as a man..lost and no respect or dignity..I've shamed and disgraced my soul..sorry..

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Hi you are suffering from a few delusions. This isn't your fault you know! Depression and anxiety attacks randomly and it isn't a weakness or a flaw in you which has caused it. You have had a bad background but have made it to this age which shows strength and courage.

Why refuse meds when they have the potential to help? They are not strong drugs or anything or enough to make you into a zombie. Nor is it giving in. It's having the wisdom to know when to accept help that's all. If the meds can help you feel better about yourself and help you tackle your issues then why not? You say you are almost done so what have you got to lose.

I would also seek more counselling as this if the way forward. There are lots of different types you should be able to find one that helps you. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you ..your post is wise..Ive always been stubborn towards meds in general let alone taking anything to mess directly with my brain..As for psychs, they can keep their little techniques to them selves..I'm beyond their expertise..thank you for kind words..

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Ah more delusions! If you broke your leg would you take painkillers even though they might 'mess with your brain' or try and be a man and tough it out? If you had a dodgy thyroid would you take meds for it? And so on and so on.

If you are saying saying you are beyond counselling then you are saying you are unique in that you can't be helped! And that they can't deal with you as they haven't the expertise. Excuse me but that is b***** and is your negative self talk. A good counsellor provides a safe place to talk and air very painful feelings and emotions that you haven't been able to deal with on your own before. They help you explore them and learn techniques for dealing with them. If negative emotions are put in boxes in your head and not dealt with they leak over time and poison your today and future. Counsellors help you bring them out into the light of day and check whether they are real today or not.

Look I have had counselling in the past and it has really helped me but you have to want it to and be willing to change. You spend so long locked in negative thoughts that you think nothing will work. You need to wake up and smell the coffee.

If you have or nearly have reached rock bottom then you try everything before taking that final decision don't you? I know I did when faced with the ultimate crisis. I know I have been quite harsh on you but I think and hope you can take it. I never believe in soft soaping but I have a great deal of empathy with you. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you hypercat..My psychologist said she doesnt know what else to do to help me so I stopped seeing her..I can take your comments..I like wisdom..you make absolute sense..I'm aware of some of it too..I needed you to be harsh..that extra kick to wake me up..this thread has helped me alot..I have alot to think about..Its early morning here in Australia and I've hit the sack..My mornings are the worst and it carries on all day..thanks for being here for me hypercat..you sound strong.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Wouldn't say I am strong ellinaki but I am quite old and been kicked around by life a bit, but thank you for the compliment. I am very glad we are helping you a bit as this is why I hang around answering those I can relate to and try to help.

Can I give you an exercise to help get you started? Ok this is what I do and I now do it automatically. When you feel a negative thought or you feel like calling yourself a negative name follow it straightaway with a positive one. For example I am lazy not getting out of bed until 3 pm. Follow this with well done for getting out of bed at all feeling the way I do. This is hard at first and goes counter reaction to how you are feeling but you will be retraining your brain and setting up positive thoughts instead. The more you do this the less power the negative will have over you and the more power the positive will.

Have a go. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Yes I will give it a go..

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

i tried medication and i didnt like it i dont want 2 depend on medication and its hard to find some medication that work for us u have to try many before u find the right one

[Agora1]

Hi ellinaki, the more you pound all those negative thoughts in your head, the further depressed you will feel. We each have a reason for being here. Reading over your previous posts, I see where your family has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. At 42, you've only just begun to live. All that happened in the past was a learning experience. We grow emotionally, spiritually and intellectually as we age.

You say you've been hanging on and that you just can't live like this anymore. Let me tell you the secret in changing your life. Taking that one step out of your comfort zone will make all those negative connotations about yourself tumble like Domino tiles. Your life is like a House of Cards right now, very weak and insecure. Rebuild that structure with a solid base. All it takes is for you to do one positive thing for yourself and your confidence will build. We all have it in us. It's a survival mechanism. What you need is the reassurance that you are worthy of living life fully. It has nothing to do with having a partner, children or a house. It's all about how you feel about yourself.

Only you can make that change in life. What do you like, what are your passions, what do you hope to achieve? Rebuilding your self esteem comes from endorsing yourself no matter how small an accomplishment. I would recommend you turning to YouTube and listening to some of the videos on Self Esteem & Confidence. By the time you finish watching them, you will have gotten that little push you need to try something different than "same old, same old". When life becomes repetitive, that's when it gets dull, boring and hopeless.

Start making a list of things you could do to change the way you think of yourself. Delete all the negative thinking in your life and replace them with positive thoughts. Life isn't about the person with the most "toys" wins. It's about how we feel about ourselves. Confidence builds more confidence. The stronger you feel about who you are, the more people around you will respect and empower you. It's a win, win situation. Positivity will surround you as you go forward with your life. Small steps lead to goals that you didn't think were possible.

We support you. Giving up is never an option. Your new mantra will be "I can do anything I want" "This is my life and I control the decisions, no one else". "I will be happy" "I will fulfill the reason for being here". I believe in you ellinaki, now you must believe in yourself. x

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you again Agora1 for always being there..

[Hidden]

Thank you..thank you..you mean so much Agora1.. your every word is meaningful to me..

[Justswimming]

You need to see a therapist and make a plan of action to take steps to making you more productive even just taking first step will make you feel a little better and then you'll just start climbing out of that hole in your soul feeling. Hang in there it will.get better you can do it..don't give up..just take baby steps.. You don't mention if your on medication.. that usually helps but takes a few weeks for full effects and to get over initial side effects. So start your journey and check.in. No judgments 😊

[Hidden]

Thank you.. No I'm not on meds and the psychologist was no help..I havent stop trying small steps though now I'm crawling..thank you for your positive hope..thank you..

[Hidden]

I feel the same way

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry you feel this way and that I can't help you....I don't want anyone to ever feel like this.. peace be with you.

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry your going through this, your issues are equally and valid as anyone elses, your not alone, many here are going through similar stuff. Many of us do get help with meds though to level out some of the extremes of the emotional roller coaster, and therapy to understand why we feel the way we do. Are you on any meds or therapy to help.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you..No I refuse meds my brains f**** as it is, don't want to drug it and mess with it even more , good or bad..My psychologist said she can't help me anymore so that was the last of her..thanks again for your time..

[Hidden]

Oh please hang in there. I'm here for you any time you need. I know what it feels like to be at the end of your rope...now tie a knot , feed yourself some positive thoughts, I'm sure you have given love & support to others , now we'll support you! Big hugs for you! XXX

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you anxiety..Thanks for always being there for me too..you dont go unnoticed yourself with the help and support you give to others..let me feel what its like at the end of the rope since I made it here..let's just see how much further and where its taking me..I welcome your hug.. thank you

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You hang on as tight as you can...feed those positive thoughts, I know you are a very kind , loving person. My heart aches for you right now, I want so bad to help you. Do you like music? Maybe try to listen to a song that makes you feel good. Do something good for you, you sure deserve it! XXX

[Hidden]

I don't like that your psychologist said that, it disgusts me. Please if there is anything I can do for you, let me know, okay? Sometimes just talking may help. I may not know you but I care for you very much and am worried about you. XXX

[Hidden]

Thank you..will do..i can honestly rely on you as you have shown me in the past..i care for you too..

[Hidden]

I promise you I am here for you any time you need!!!!!!!!! Love & hugs! XXX

[howard327]

After rereading your post and the replies, I believe I have a meaningful suggestion for you . Get off the couch, be a volunteer and help others with their problems. There are a ton of volunteer opportunities including helping kids, older people, animals etc. We on this site are doing just that and it feels good. You are totality into YOU. Get your thoughts on others. I have found this to be extremely helpful. Just Google volunteering opportunities or ask your doctor or church person for suggestions. You are young and can build your self esteem by helping others! Get with it, start today.

[Hidden in reply to howard327]

I'm not on my couch..yes it is true to help others..and volunteering..your right I'm too much into me at the moment and that's what I hate..I hate it!..I'm taking everyone's input to heart and I'm overwhelmed by there support..Its good to hear a good word from others, you all have helped so much..I pray to God no one goes through this..thank you

[gerrerd]

Ask not what you can do for me. Ask what service i can do for you. Then happiness will follow you. Try self hypnosis you need to change your thinking and quickly. At the moment you are wellowing in your misery. All these people are spending time to try and help you, It,s about time you put as much effort in to helping your self. It may be hard to hear. but you have got to do something for your self. and do it now. Gerrerd.

[Hidden in reply to gerrerd]

Thanks gerrerd..yes I believe only we can help ourselves..Im doing just that..thank you

[Agood1]

Prayer helps a lot and know that u r beautiful! I will be praying for u!

[Hidden in reply to Agood1]

Thank you ..i agree..prayer definately helps..God is great..thank you for helping..

[gerrerd in reply to Hidden]

God helps those who help them selves. Gerrerd.

[gerrerd]

By the way iv,e been taking medication for a long time . It can save your life my depression is clinical, meaning my brain does not produce the correct, level of serotonin. And have recently started to take 10mg of a modern drug, And i now feel absolutely great better than i have ever done. I think you may need medication. So see your doctor as soon as you can.

[Hidden in reply to gerrerd]

Thanks gerrerd..it is at the back of my mind as everyone has suggested meds...I will do what I can..it may just be the answer..

[Hidden]

Thank you everyone for your support..it was a tough day for me that day..your words and care were enlightening and meant so much..I'm doing ok since..thank you sincerely..