Crushing depression

[blue-green-purple]

I am losing all energy to even try to get better. So sad, lifeless, barely functioning. And I don't care. Everything I try fails. It's misery to exist alone, isolated, no help in sight. So many problems that need attention but I have no motivation to do anything but sedate and sleep. My only escape. It doesn't matter if I'm here or not. No one will even notice. Just another mental health fail. The whole world is suffering and many have much more severe suffering than I. It's selfish to complain, I know. The self loathing couldn't get much worse. Why am I posting this? I don't even know. One place someone may read this, know how I feel and see that for the moment, I still exist.

[samack]

I see you and feel like you. Its a rough ride,its like being a bronco rider. Hang on.

[Joshgw]

I know exactly how you feel. I too have no motivation and am so paralyzed I can't do anything. I have tried everything, hospitalization, ECT, TMS and ketamine, over 20 meds. Nothing works. I do therapy twice a week, my psychiatrist once. I'm Suicidal. Never feel bad about feeling bad. You have just as much a right as anyone. But I have a family, including a 12 year old son. I can't abandon him. I will ruin his life. But in someway that makes it worse. I'm living with worse pain imaginable for someone else. Sometimes I wish I was like you, all alone, isolated, so I'd be free to do what I wanted. I'd have no responsibility for anyone else. If I wanted to commit suicide I could. But I can't. I have to live with this illness I didn't ask for, I can't get rid of and am forced toIive a life in hell for someone else

[b1b1b1 in reply to Joshgw]

I am wondering if you work and if that serves as a distraction at all? In addition. I know it sounds trite when you are in so much pain, but is there any possibility of starting a small garden? It is one of the most therapeutic activities I know.

[Scarlett28]

I understand. Isolation is dangerous, just you & your thoughts. The more I isolate the harder it is for me to get out. Are you physically able to take your dogs on walks? Maybe a dog park? Go to a local library? I’m even considering going to church just for a feeling of community, I’m not religious or social. Please just don’t stop trying.

I never imagined I’d be alone like this either.

I’m listening to an audiobook right now called “Stop doing that Sh*t”. He is Scottish & has a sense of humor even though it is serious stuff he addresses. I cry & laugh at the same time while listening to it.

If you ever want to chat I’m here existing too.🌼

[XboxFan3779 in reply to Scarlett28]

thank you for posting this I found the audio book free and really like it

[Scarlett28 in reply to XboxFan3779]

I appreciate you telling me, I’m so glad you like it. If you don’t mind cursing I also enjoyed “unf@$k your brain “. I get them on the Libby app through my library for free.

[Adamj]

Never feel like it’s selfish to complain how you feel we all have our struggles not ones worse then the other. I can sympathize with how you feel I can barely function anymore all I do is try and force myself to sleep I’ve lost all hope that I can get better I’ve tried exercising tried other things and nothing seems to help my anxiety or depression or whatever else I have it’s frustrating

[EndUser13]

You still exist!

I can very much relate to how much isolation can hurt, people are social animals, and we are so much better off around our 'tribes, even in modern times.

Keep sharing, and interacting with folks here, maybe together we can figure out what should really matter the most and create something meaningful out of all the nonsense.

It's not selfish to complain, we all have pain. If it helps, complain away, people are hearing you!