A genuine question. Obviously not everyone can understand mental illness and how it affects people. But even within people who have the same illness, it seems like there are so many grades of it that it's impossible for anyone to really "get it".
What does it take then? Having the exact same life experience is impossible of course, but is there a certain threshold that people possibly reach? It seems like for anyone to truly understand the true desire to not exist, one most cross that same line. But if that's the case, aren't they in just as bad of a position as you? It doesn't really help at that point. If anything, it just makes it feel even more like fate.
I believe the desire to not exist isn't the same for everyone who actually experiences it. I'd say they can be divided into two groups. True genuine desire, and impulsive desire. Impulsive ones are of course the better ones to be honest. Yes they are intense, but they're just that, impulsive. A hastily put together sloppy idea that eventually discipates after the emotions settle, regardless of how long it takes. Those are the ones that survive the most because of exactly that reason.
The other one however, is much worse. I feel like this is the one where no one can recover from, at least that's what my own personal experience has shown with myself and others who also "get it". This isn't an impulse. It's not intense emotions or thoughts in the heat of a tragic moment. Not one bit. It's a decision. A plan, a goal, an objective. Even if all the details aren't there yet, these people will continue to pursue this goal no matter how long it takes. Weeks, months, years, decades, I've seen it. This is the line that people cross, the line of true, absolute hopelessness.
If someone has crossed that line, and was able to come back from it, I've never seen them. Don't get me wrong, I want to believe it's possible more than anything, but no one I've ever seen really "gets it" like people who are just bad as me.
So I ask, if you or someone you know has crossed that line, of true desire and not just impulse, and was still able to walk back, please speak. I need to know if someone like that really does exist.
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MiamiJacket84
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I may be mistaken, but I sense from your post that perhaps you are very young. By that I mean under 40 years of age. To me that is young, since I am 70.
Before I express my viewpoints, I'd just like to know what is the reason for asking if anyone "gets it?" Also, what life experiences have you had that guides you into making a determination that there are 2 groups of people who contemplate not going on?
I myself have experienced much more than my fair share of heartbreak. Everything from being abused emotionally and physically as a child, to burying my only daughter when she was 26 years old, to battling lung cancer, 4 times now.
I am of the belief that "getting it" is truly subjective.I may not know the grief of losing a spouse to death, however I have lost a spouse of 25 years through divorce, due to infidelity. I have compassion and understanding towards any person who experiences pain and despair in their own lives, due to what my life has been like. I also know what it feels like to lose all hope and to not view any future at all.
As far as dividing people into 2 groups...."true desire" and "impulsive behavior"...I don't think I agree with your outlook.
Living takes a lot of courage and inner strength. I know this first hand.
I was 2 blocks away from the North Tower on September 11, 2001. For as long as I live, I will never forget what I experienced and saw up close and personal. I still have nightmares. After that, I doubted whether I could continue. The same holds true for when I was first diagnosed with lung cancer and needed to have surgery to remove 1/3 of my left lung. And the same is true when I discovered my husband was having an affair for 10 years. And also when I was the caregiver for both my parents and designated as the person who basically pulled the plug. And yes, I still have nightmares about that as well. Have I contemplated not going on? Yes, absolutely. My life has been hard. And now that I'm 70 years old, facing financial ruins and possibly losing my home, I also think about it quire often. And I wouldn't say it's impulsive at all. Very often, I think about a specific plan. And why haven't I carried it out? Because every single day I plug myself in and recharge in order to gain hope and I keep trying.
I'm a fighter and stronger than most. I know that. So if you're doubting whether you have every seen anyone as you described and doubted....yes you just have met her.
You put a lot of thought and energy into your post. If you can direct that power into living the best life you can, perhaps you will find your own happiness. Just my take on things.
Well, to be honest with you.....not too many. For a very brief period from 2016 to 2018, when I took a break from working. Both my parents had passed away, I was going thru a very nasty divorce and I also had to put my 19 year old cat down. I decided that I needed a rest, both physically and emotionally. So I traveled a bit, and then did some volunteer work and moved from NY to NJ. I was fairly happy during that time, however it was short lived. Thanks for asking though. Maybe someday soon, I will find some peace and happiness.
no, I now only have a 14-year-old cat. My 19 year-old cat was several years ago. She lived a very good and long life since I rescued her when she was very young. Unfortunately she got kidney disease as she got older and when she started losing too much weight, I had to put her to sleep. I’m a huge animal lover, and it really broke my heart. The picture my profile is now my current cat Kennedy.
First, I'm sorry you went through so much, and I'm sorry for your losses.
To answer your first question, let's just say it's because of built up frustration from people who just say it like it's nothing. Basically saying "I get it" and then immediately proving they have no idea what they're talking about in the following sentence. In other cases, I hear it from people who really did go through a lot but haven't crossed that line I mentioned, so it still doesn't feel genuine. So I wanted to know what others think "getting it" really means.
And as to your second question, losses. I've lost a lot of people. I've seen a lot of people be where I am, and I've seen a lot of people in various stages of different mental illnesses. I've seen what's supposed to be the lifeline for these people fail miserably, sometimes directly making it worse even. And I've also seen some people get better. I may be young, but I suppose access to the internet at such a young age allowed me to meet a lot of people, even if it is too much. So that's the experience that made me see these people as two groups. And from that experience, it's usually one or the other but maybe I am wrong, maybe I haven't seen those few people that can cross that line and still come back from it living a decent life. But until I see that for myself, it's very hard to believe.
thank you for your reply and for your insight. I now understand better. I hope you are doing OK and please don’t hesitate to reach out again whenever you need to chat. You’re certainly not alone.
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