So, today I realised but really realised that I don't actually know who I am. I'm made up of beliefs that I've adopted from my Mom, dad, step Mom and brother and whoever else I've wanted to be like. I'm completely false and can't even imagine myself in my mind's eye as I try imagine myself walking my inner child across a bridge to a safe haven and it's always a picture of another woman... Always a different woman but never me. It's like I don't even exist. I feel completely numb. I feel like I'm in captivity and the more I try push through, the further back I go. I've created a false self which has completely engulfed me. This is the ultimate feeling of no way out.